Miscellaneous: Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle... - FML

By Alexismaria - 23/10/2014 20:05 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle decided to bend over in short shorts. Apparently, his ballsack decided it needed extra room, because it dangled out of his pant leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 706

You deserved it 3 259

Walk the line

Broken heart

Stop talking!

By shrek - 02/05/2016 10:25 - Australia

Today, my brother dyed my white work shirt bright green because I beat him to the shower this morning. As it's my only shirt, I had to wear it to work, where there was a surprise audit and I was fired for incorrect uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 606

You deserved it 1 487

By stepshart - 21/08/2014 19:30 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 896

You deserved it 3 044

By pissed - 10/05/2015 14:34 - United States - Dearborn

Today, during a very stressful and busy day at work, I took a bathroom break. Unfortunately, of all the things on my mind, taking down my pants before emptying my bladder wasn't one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 791

You deserved it 7 987

By PunkChik27 - 12/12/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 050

You deserved it 4 450

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, one of my co-workers invited me to a cookout at her house with some other people from my new job. She said to wear my suit. Assuming she had a pool, I showed up in a bikini, only to find everyone else wearing business attire and staring at me like I had lost my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 000

You deserved it 69 495

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 082

You deserved it 4 709

By FreakedOut - 31/07/2009 08:03 - United States

Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 000

You deserved it 2 804

Doing his part

By asshole - 19/04/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that while I was at my job as an "essential" employee, my laid-off boyfriend was at home banging the landlord's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 559

You deserved it 161

By wetbutt - 06/03/2009 17:49 - United States

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 924

You deserved it 68 339

By Kml - 14/11/2016 12:31

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 372

You deserved it 689

Last act

By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 028

You deserved it 248

By Greg - 28/10/2013 21:53 - United States - Livonia

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 150

You deserved it 3 270

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 08:21 - Australia

Today, I won an award at school for my hard work. Afterwards, my parents told me off. Why? They wanted my brother to get it instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 622

You deserved it 1 953

By mayerstexmex69 - 08/11/2012 15:52 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 728

You deserved it 2 243

By anonymous - 14/03/2010 05:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to marry me. Since he doesn't know my ring size he asked for me to find a ring that I liked and he would buy it and propose. The only problem is that he won't spend more than 200 dollars on it. Oh the generosity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 863

You deserved it 36 607

Poor Despereaux

By Squeak - 06/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Bragg

Today, I baked a cake. After feeding it to my entire family, I opened the stove, planning to temporarily store the cake inside. I then noticed a mouse, burnt to a crisp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 431

You deserved it 767

By moerae - 03/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 788

You deserved it 600

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 760

You deserved it 3 470

By person_r - 21/07/2009 12:03 - Norway

Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 522

You deserved it 12 560

By Wtf - 03/11/2015 22:06

Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 693

You deserved it 3 482

By slut - 29/08/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 335

You deserved it 59 157

By whatsmccraken - 10/09/2009 12:37 - Taiwan

Today, I was on a 12 hour trans-Atlantic flight overseas. I asked the flight attendant where this rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour 1 of the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 626

You deserved it 2 290

By fuck kids - 06/06/2013 18:24 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 311

You deserved it 3 426

By ilovekids? - 12/12/2015 02:05 - United States - Commack

Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 022

You deserved it 5 969

By BatWife - 29/03/2017 19:00 - United States - New London

Today, my husband cleaned out our fireplace and found a very dead, mummified bat. After chasing me around the house with it, he set it atop the mantel. He refuses to get rid of it, and calls it "Henry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 837

You deserved it 589

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 02:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 325

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 12/03/2010 17:24 - United States

Today, I found out that after reuniting with an old boyfriend, getting close with his two year old son, and moving closer to him to properly be a part of their lives, he got back together with his ex wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 6 185

By Sue - 26/03/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 004

You deserved it 3 516

By mchhhoi - 20/07/2009 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and were I getting it on in his bedroom where he had all of his anime models on display. I accidentally knocked over one of his models and it fell on to the floor. He got angry and kicked me out. Apparently, making his models look good was more important than us making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 548

You deserved it 13 290

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 03:08 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my sister used my mobile phone to call her boyfriend who is married with children. His wife found my number on his phone and thinks that I am my sister. Since then, she has been calling me non-stop, calling me a 'prostitute' each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 012

You deserved it 5 407

By cuckolddreams - 21/01/2015 19:06 - United States - Broken Bow

Spicy

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 136

You deserved it 11 649

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 974

You deserved it 8 018

By smh - 27/06/2013 23:37 - United States - Milltown

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 350

You deserved it 3 971

By Anonymous - 12/05/2015 03:02 - United States - Springfield

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 841

You deserved it 2 082

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 801

You deserved it 4 984

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 15:39 - South Africa

Today, I was in a very crowded train coming home from work. I saw a cute guy sitting across from me. As I lifted my one leg to hook it over my other leg, I let out a loud fart. All I could do was sit there and wait for my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 109

You deserved it 10 793

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 705

You deserved it 13 941

By Anonymous - 06/09/2014 21:08 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 589

You deserved it 4 226

By Anonymous - 14/04/2013 13:29 - United States

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 820

You deserved it 4 407

Perish the thought

By weird - 03/07/2021 20:01

Today, I found out that my half-brother from my mom’s side is dating my half-sister from my dad’s side when I caught them hooking up at our last family event. Even though they aren’t blood related, it’s still super creepy for some reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 218

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Top comments

23lf 16

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Friday 24 October 2014 0:58

Wash your eyes out with battery acid.

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Friday 24 October 2014 0:59

Worst ad ever. "Who wears short sho- OH GOD NO THEY ARE NOT FOR YOU!!!!"

Comments

23lf 16

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 0:58

Wash your eyes out with battery acid.

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:03

I thought you had to use bleach to wash your eyes out.

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:07

Same effect though

sayyestothedress 24

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:24

#1 I suggest REAL acid!

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:29

im sure he's going to go with mine which is sucking the eyeballs out with a vacuum.

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:29

but your mind's eye will never be clean again...

doctorhook86 24

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:44

#24: Just so you know for the future, battery acid is "REAL" acid. There are many, many kinds of real acid.

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:49

Don't forget the brain bleach!

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Friday 24 October 2014 2:38

Washing your eyes out won't do anything. The memory will remain inside your brain. You've seen what they look like. If only you could go back in time to warn yourself from that moment.

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Friday 24 October 2014 4:55

I feel like washing ur eye out with battery acid would be worse than seeing ur uncles balls

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Friday 24 October 2014 5:39

You should go back in time and punch yourself in the face. 100% forget guarantee!

Ichiya 29

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Friday 24 October 2014 13:09

1/2 cup bleach + 1 cup ammonia = no memory.

LocsOn 13

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Friday 24 October 2014 14:46

bendova make ya knees touch ya elbows!!

incoherentrmblr 21

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Friday 24 October 2014 23:01

Talk about playing peekaboo...

salespeople123 6

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Friday 24 October 2014 0:59

Don't look

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:08

A bit too late for that!

orbit 22

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:39

Serves op right. They should have gotten their uncle longer shorts for Christmas.

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Friday 24 October 2014 4:03

Op here, and shit. He just moved in with us it isn't Christmas yet.

orbit 22

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Friday 24 October 2014 5:00

Any chance his birthday is??

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Saturday 25 October 2014 9:34

Wow he's got balls wearing short shorts around the house. Now even after he's gone you'll always remember his balls. Men In Black would come in handy here.

christina3466 17

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Friday 24 October 2014 0:59

Sounds like Bad Grandpa except it's real this time...

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:20

Bad Uncle.

MrSassypants 32

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:35

Bad Uncle Grandpa? But seriously.... that show is bad.

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Friday 24 October 2014 20:42

Sounds like he guest starred as Phoebe Buffay's boyfriend

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Friday 24 October 2014 0:59

Worst ad ever. "Who wears short sho- OH GOD NO THEY ARE NOT FOR YOU!!!!"

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Friday 24 October 2014 0:59

Billy Madison !! Classic. "I can see his balls."

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Friday 24 October 2014 20:44

Gunther classic, "Put the mouse back in the house."

TheCO 5

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Friday 24 October 2014 0:59

sounds like a hairy situation

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:04

What if he was smooth?

Flaming_Pandas 15

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:29

*downvoted into the depths of hell*

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Friday 24 October 2014 2:43

Down vote for shitty over used pun Down vote for not helping Up vote for trying.

expertsmilee 26

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:00

I just picture the balls hanging out yelling "freedom!".

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:14

"Are you not entertained!!!" For some reason that's what I imagine them yelling as they triumphantly escape short short captivity.

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Friday 24 October 2014 4:11

Just imagine the illustration for this FML...on second thought maybe you shouldn't!

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Friday 24 October 2014 6:53

So my warped mind is at it again... I'm imagining the right nut and the left nut battling it out in legionnaire armor as they fight for the ever closing gap of light to escape the depths of short short prison. I'm talking gladius' and shields Sparta kicks and screaming. Yes my mind is a dangerous place. And I'm thinking about an old mans nuts going gladiator with eachother....

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:00

THE GOAT!!!!

False_Stupidity 41

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Friday 24 October 2014 5:55

Yes? What about goats?

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:02

I can say that I have experienced this, personally. The guy was damn near 60 years old. I know you understand when I say scarred for life. I know the feels, OP, unfortunately..

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 24 October 2014 2:42

Oh, that was you? Sorry, but I hurried to put something on so I could go outside and get the paper. Had you looked a bit longer you would have seen the glorious result that split pants reveal

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Friday 24 October 2014 1:03

10m of mental floss, stat!

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 16

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 101