The sweet smell of success

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML

Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

Pros and cons

Today, I was promoted to a management position and finally get to have my own office, only to find out it's located in the basement and has no windows. FML

TW: Gross

Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending three hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

Today, my boss got a promotion and I got laid off. FML

Today, a month after getting a big promotion, I found out that I'm stuck with my old job. No one wants to take my old position, so they are vacating my new one and will post it, because, "This one is more desirable, and your's is shit." FML