Miscellaneous: Today, I walked in on my younger cousin trying to find Minecraft... - FML

By billjoebob424 - 19/03/2016 01:18 - Canada - Erin

Today, I walked in on my younger cousin trying to find Minecraft porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 579

You deserved it 1 773

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Commando

No data for you

Not the sharpest crayon in the box

By dumb dumb - 14/08/2020 14:00

Today, my idiot daughter used my wax warmer to try to give herself a bikini wax using old crayons. Not sure which YouTube idiot she learned it from, but the stench of melted crayon, burnt hair, and singed flesh isn’t a smell I’ll soon be forgetting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 018

You deserved it 3 047

By Yousaidyouweremoving - 11/12/2016 16:23 - United States

Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at Wal-Mart. This would have been fine had he not broken up with me because he was "moving to Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 306

You deserved it 734

By gonavybeatarmy - 31/05/2012 05:28 - United States - San Diego

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 575

You deserved it 4 969

Bye then!

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 18:57 - Mexico - Garza Garcia

Today, while on holiday. I got a call to let me know my job will be gone away when I return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 57

By ohmy - 17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 512

You deserved it 27 807

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 23/05/2021 08:01 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I just came out of a two-year long depression. I'm finally starting to feel normal, so of course I get a message that my grandmother might have less than a year to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 71

By Kayla - 06/10/2018 14:00

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 504

By samaram - 04/06/2013 06:47 - United States

Today, during a series of violent sneezes due to a cold, I bit my tongue. My tongue is now so swollen I cannot close my mouth and am drooling profusely. I have to get ready to go to my job as a cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 914

You deserved it 3 924

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 15:14 - United States

Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 394

You deserved it 4 507

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, as I was walking home, I passed some little girls who threw a bunch of snowballs at me. I dodged every single one, ran away laughing, and gave them the finger. I then ran into a snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 564

You deserved it 46 914

By lizzzie - 09/10/2009 21:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 031

You deserved it 3 763

By ewww - 03/12/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 275

You deserved it 3 857

By Whoopsx99 - 30/01/2010 19:21 - United States

Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 792

You deserved it 48 858

By mylifesucks - 02/12/2009 01:32 - United States

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 401

You deserved it 4 939

By dumbassbuffet - 11/11/2011 15:53 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 712

You deserved it 83 895

By Anonymous - 13/08/2015 01:18 - United States - Kingman

Today, I let out a huge fart during a job interview. I was the one conducting the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 346

You deserved it 5 169

By TwinDad - 14/05/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 980

You deserved it 6 464

By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 16:02 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 828

You deserved it 54 813

By sari14 - 11/02/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 101

You deserved it 5 009

By Anna - 02/07/2016 21:08 - United States - Lake City

Today, I was looking at dating profiles with my single friend, trying to find a guy for her, and we found my husband's profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 256

You deserved it 1 826

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 06:46 - United States

Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 817

You deserved it 2 460

By lolowills - 14/11/2016 03:20

Today, I was complimented by my guests about the great of service I was giving them. They then left me a $2 tip on a $50 tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 278

You deserved it 1 188

By stuck - 07/11/2012 15:00 - United States - California

Today, I paid a locksmith $100 after I locked myself out of my apartment. All he did was hit it, and it flung open. It wasn't locked, it'd just got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 254

You deserved it 23 899

By denied - 26/03/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 608

You deserved it 5 100

Panic

By Lexy - 19/07/2021 07:01

Today, I'm so afraid of Covid, I lied to my friends to avoid hanging out with them every time I was invited. Yes, I've been vaccinated already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 1 193

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 22:11 - Sweden - Lidk?ping

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 328

You deserved it 13 669

By Anonymous - 13/08/2013 08:49 - France - Paris

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 512

You deserved it 4 233

By Fatality - 28/10/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 911

You deserved it 30 825

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 03:02 - United States - Lake Forest

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 295

You deserved it 13 851

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 09:17

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 801

You deserved it 11 768

By Anonymous - 26/07/2014 15:35 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 262

You deserved it 4 737

By methane overload - 19/01/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 139

You deserved it 3 811

By busted - 22/09/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering their questions about him, when my dad cut me off mid-sentence. He accused me of lying through my teeth, and said I'd based him off a character from a Harrison Ford movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 371

You deserved it 3 251

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - 16/08/2020 05:04

Today, after 25 years, I quit drinking. It wasn’t worth it. My life and everyone around me still sucked. So I started up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 616

Unionize!

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 210

Respect

By it’s still cheating! - 05/09/2021 11:01 - United States - Hesperia

Spicy

Today, my wife, who’s been a stay at home mom since our kids were born, hasn’t really been out looking for a day job since they’re old enough to be in school full time now. She has however been day-drinking and hooking up with the neighbor's wife. She insists she’s not gay, just experimenting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 132

By jobless - 20/01/2009 16:52 - France

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 12 932

By RAS266 - 26/06/2017 00:00

Today, a water snake slithered into our pool. He can have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 474

You deserved it 503

Plooped

By ZombieMommy - 10/03/2017 05:00 - United States - Conroe

Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed 2 weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 275

You deserved it 2 275

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:05

What a square.

seemetrot_fml 16

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:04

That has to be a thing. I'm sure lots of people would enjoy it.

Comments

seemetrot_fml 16

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:04

That has to be a thing. I'm sure lots of people would enjoy it.

Dynosaur_dollie 38

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:08

It is actually a thing. Took me all of five seconds to find it, honestly I think almost anything has a porn version. There are some really weird things out there.

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:10

care to give a brother a link to that? or a name would be enough.

ExtremeEncounter 32

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:14

Yep, rule 34.

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:28

and rule 35

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:50

Hands up who just looked up rule 35

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Saturday 19 March 2016 22:08

You can find it on pornhub sadly

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Sunday 20 March 2016 4:25

Rule #34 of the Internet: There is porn of it. No exceptions.

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Tuesday 22 March 2016 10:27

#11 seems unfamiliar with rules 34 and 35 of the Internet…how sad, yet at the same time ignorance is such bliss

The_Potato_Lord 15

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Friday 8 April 2016 22:26

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&ved=0ahUKEwjPzdP_7__LAhVEn4MKHWZ1DXYQjhwIBQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fe926.net%2Fpost%2Fshow%2F623590&psig=AFQjCNF30oIsCFn0j5kHZr_stdHboes6pQ&ust=1460233462843385&rct=j

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:05

What a square.

BoltTheSuperdog 22

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Saturday 19 March 2016 22:14

Sounds like a real blockhead to me.

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Saturday 19 March 2016 23:10

Square peg in a round hole?

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Saturday 19 March 2016 23:18

Took the words right out of my mouth #44

StiffPvtParts 43

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:05

Rule 34.

HitmanKillsYou 13

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Saturday 19 March 2016 23:20

and Rule 35.

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Saturday 19 March 2016 23:47

No exceptions.

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:06

*Looks it up

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:07

ok now i bet we all tried to search it once

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Saturday 19 March 2016 23:34

well after reading this fml we have

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:07

Rule 34 is a hell of a thing sometimes.

XxthemonkeyxX 8

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Saturday 19 March 2016 21:33

What's rule 34, I think I'll get a better response here than google

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Saturday 19 March 2016 21:50

Rule 34: If something exists, there is a porn version of it.

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Thursday 31 August 2017 9:49

forreal you can pretty much just type "(insert random word) porn" and you'll get something. tho, you might destroy your sex drive in the process

MossyMegaMan 20

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:07

why tho

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:07

Let me know if he found any....

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Sunday 20 March 2016 6:19

Google it and you'll find out...

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:07

That's interesting

JudgeComrade 17

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Saturday 19 March 2016 20:08

Creeper blowing skeleton bone?

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 49

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 3

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 51