Miscellaneous: Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying... - FML

By 2gewd4u - 15/01/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 161

You deserved it 4 059

Worst workplace ever

Don't be a dingdong

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

By Anonymous - 09/03/2011 09:52 - India

Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 859

You deserved it 7 096

By GuitarChick42 - 04/04/2009 18:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320 538

You deserved it 22 878

By Jack.mercado - 19/03/2016 16:58 - United States

Today, being the new driver I am, I was trying to keep my speed at posted because I know that cops will target me. I ended up getting pulled over for my too-low speed and given a ticket because I was holding up a line of cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 564

You deserved it 12 184

By krissy - 20/03/2011 21:40 - United States

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 780

You deserved it 7 098

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 30/01/2013 22:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 654

You deserved it 2 472

By emilyparker - 01/09/2014 02:55 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 609

You deserved it 5 200

By anonymous - 09/08/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, my wife heard that wifi could be harmful for our newborn baby's undeveloped brain box. Her solution was to switch the wifi off on our laptops. She won't listen to the flaw in her plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 158

You deserved it 3 148

By buckley456 - 28/05/2012 03:33 - United States - Glenolden

Today, my remote control airplane arrived in the mail. I was super excited, so naturally I took it outside for its first flight. It now resides at the top of the tallest tree in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 740

You deserved it 8 926

Mystery

By Sharriff Rahman - 05/08/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife of ten years is still deeply in love with her first crush from before she met me. Now I'm starting to wonder whether her first time was really with me, as mine was with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 165

Bad friends

By Anonymous - 18/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 385

You deserved it 285

IDANÄS IVAR d'you go?

By Nicole - 03/04/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA when my friends and I thought it would be fun to play hide and seek. We all hid; I was in a good hiding spot. Half an hour later, I was still there. I texted my friends to see where they were. They all left to see a movie, and forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 001

You deserved it 12 953

By Mintilou - 08/04/2016 03:17 - United Kingdom - Wednesbury

Today, like everyday, I got on the train heading back from my university campus in Preston. Usually, it takes 20 minutes. When I sat down, I realised it was a non-stop service to Glasgow and the doors had closed. It took me 7 hours by train and a lift from my best friend at 2 a.m. to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 028

You deserved it 4 466

By tandc - 01/05/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, in a rush to squeeze out of a particularly tight parking spot, I made a hurried 12-point turn. Just to make sure I had enough room behind, I hopped out of my car. It was still in reverse. I managed to wreck my own car without even sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 350

You deserved it 27 861

The Candidate

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 14:00

Today, my sister-in-law announced she would like me to be her surrogate, so that her body doesn't look like a stretched wobbly mess after childbirth. Apparently, I'm a perfect candidate, as "we won't see a difference." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 179

You deserved it 158

The truth

By Theaccident - 22/01/2011 10:03 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 916

You deserved it 3 640

By Josie - 05/06/2012 04:27 - United States - Florence

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 186

You deserved it 35 938

Gun control

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 10:59

Today, I took my 15-year-old daughter to our local shooting range for her birthday, as she requested. While she was setting up a target in front of me, I jokingly pulled the trigger and shouted, "Think Fast!" not realizing that the safety was off. I shot my daughter in the arm on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 3 931

Empathy

By KidCudi227 - 23/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a bouquet of roses with a message attached. The message said, "Ever since your dog died you've stopped putting out, so I think we should break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 263

By UnhappilyUnemployed - 16/06/2014 22:49 - United States - Madison

Today, I had a job interview. It went really well until I couldn't figure out how to open the slide door to get out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 550

You deserved it 6 160

Does this smell weird?

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 15:05 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I found out that the shampoo I’ve been using has yogurt in, following a prank my boyfriend did. Turns out he forgot about it and I’ve been using it for 5 days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, while e-mailing my dream college, I noticed you can see other people's profile pictures when I saw a lady I've met before. I've been using this e-mail account to communicate with all the colleges and universities. My profile picture is baby Elmo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 4 286

Cranking

By Little tears - 02/01/2021 14:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was so sad and lonely that I drunkenly masturbated to Game of Thrones scenes featuring Petyr Baelish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 773

Thin walls

By xtilltheendx - 05/10/2020 20:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 1 268

Noise machine

By achtung - 01/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 074

You deserved it 5 740

By diva467 - 03/10/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 734

You deserved it 15 094

By Anonymous - 25/08/2016 03:50 - United States - Fishers

Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 440

You deserved it 1 417

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 21:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 947

You deserved it 3 532

By Bruce - 02/02/2012 03:11 - United States

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 430

You deserved it 3 389

No good deed goes unpunished

By Anonymous - 07/06/2020 23:00

Today, I went in for my first day of work. I told them three months in advance that I was going away for 2 weeks to build a school in a third world country. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 347

Caught up

By Abandonedgirl101 - 07/05/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend was terminated from work: for having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a coworker, and not because he was "furloughed from COVID" like he said was. Oh, and he got her pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 94

Selfish

By Anon - 10/10/2011 15:24 - Canada

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently, I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 885

You deserved it 2 607

Alexa, play "Burning down the house" by Talking Heads

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 02:59 - United States - West Yellowstone

Today, a house I'm working in burned down overnight. My entire cordless tool line up and everything else needed to remodel a 3-story home is gone. Almost $14000. The only way I will be somewhat, maybe, possibly, reimbursed is if I stay on to rebuild the home. I don't have anything left to even start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 29/03/2015 19:54 - United States - Wheaton

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 116

You deserved it 2 513

By TetrisMaster - 24/11/2013 12:30 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 505

You deserved it 6 446

By phonebaby - 18/11/2014 01:04 - United States - Stamford

Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a chinese restaurant, only to get nervous and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 527

You deserved it 7 610

By Willow - 17/06/2011 23:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me why he stood me up last night instead of coming over to visit. Apparently me telling him I couldn't wait for him to do naughty things to me turned him off, and made him feel like a piece of meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 994

You deserved it 11 733

By shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa - 29/03/2015 14:03 - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 927

You deserved it 14 092

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 04:38 - France

Today, I took part in a raffle that was being organised in the small countryside village where I'm vacationing. I live in big city. I won a duck. A real, live duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 756

You deserved it 9 500

By someonesomething - 05/12/2009 11:24 - United States

Today, one of the comic companies I submitted to, replied back. They said that the story was boring, and the main character bland, generic, uncultured, had no potential for personal growth, a suburbanite, and an ignorant shut-in. I based the personality of the main character on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 191

You deserved it 12 743

By mr. machine - 31/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 630

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:36

Sorry, but you're wrong. She was using the Force to get you to come in and bring her the toilet paper, and it worked. Watch your back.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:33

The force is strong with this one

Comments

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:33

The force is strong with this one

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:51

Feisty one you are!!

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:56

I'd just yell for my sister to get it. Ahaha the force isn't very strong for me.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:28

That's not the worst thing you could walk in on her doing. Consider yourself lucky, OP.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:39

And it actually worked! She got the roll....

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Sunday 15 January 2012 17:34

I imagined u saying it like ur old the force is strong with this one..

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Monday 16 January 2012 3:20

I find your lack of faith disturbing..

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Monday 16 January 2012 8:04

Well are you going to help your sister?

primadonna9396 16

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 11:04

Forget that, why the fuck didn't OP knock first? Damn hippies.

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Friday 20 July 2012 0:02

the stupid is strong in this one

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:18

There is no try only do!

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 9:30

Bet she shit herself trying to use "the force"

DontGuessMyName 5

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Sunday 11 August 2013 9:25

Says Mr. Farnsworth.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:38

I liked yours because we posted at the same time. Great minds think alike but I invented the finglonger

muzy 23

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:49

The dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities, some considered to be unnatural.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 11:59

No, #7 you just saw how the world would've been if you created the finglonger on the what-if machine... =P

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Sunday 15 January 2012 12:10

Listen up you whipper snapper! In fact I was watching myself on how the world would be If I didn't invent the finglonger!

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Sunday 15 January 2012 13:23

We were both wrong old man, where's a memory ray when you need one? You used the what-if machine to see what it would've been like if you had invented it, but then invented it later on.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:34

Is she a little slow?

RoseTintMyWorld 8

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:44

No, just a lot awesome.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:07

Nothing wrong with this...just a normal day in the bathroom using "the force". Doesn't everyone do that?

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:36

Sorry, but you're wrong. She was using the Force to get you to come in and bring her the toilet paper, and it worked. Watch your back.

cinderellacat 0

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:40

Whats up with your picture?

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:03

9 I'm guessing it is something he removed from a patient

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:18

Or a deer.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 11:00

Why would you remove it from a deer?

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Sunday 15 January 2012 12:12

^ to stab twice!

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Sunday 15 January 2012 13:15

Well it's a steak knife, I don't know many hoodlums who carry those around. Maybe someone fell on it while making dinner.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 13:34

The "watch your back" in my comment is strangely appropriate here. I pulled that knife out of a patient's back. His brother had put it there.

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Monday 16 January 2012 5:41

That sucks for the brother who got stabbed. Crazy rednecks more than likely.

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Monday 16 January 2012 5:51

Lmafao, oh Farnsworth..you WiN so hard, you deserve a medal.

possiblelozer 4

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 6:26

Ohh that sucks.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:37

such imagination :)

death_dolphin24 0

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Sunday 15 January 2012 11:13

THE FORSE IS NOT IMAGINARY.

death_dolphin24 0

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Sunday 15 January 2012 11:15

*FORCE autocorrect, you bastard.

The_creator_fml 2

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:38

Sadly, I'm guilty of trying this...

nightingale96 2

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:42

It's ok. You're not alone

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:09

And here I thought I was the only one...small world

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:35

Unless you walk

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Wednesday 18 January 2012 3:24

Using the force and accio. Both of which I try frequently

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:40

May the force be with her

perdix 29

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:43

She chose the wrong sci-fi franchise -- she should have gone with Star Trek. They're the ones to show you how to wipe out Klingons.

BeaterOfTheDrums 15

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:29

TREKKIE! *Geek Rage*

PerditaDessa 38

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Wednesday 3 September 2014 4:02

There are multiple FML's on here about Trekkies and sex mishaps so she might want to stick with Star Wars for now.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:46

It was worth a try, two steps is a long ways away when your on the toilet.

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Sunday 15 January 2012 15:10

You could always reach your arms. Problem solved :)

captainfalcon7 0

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:47

everyone has to find out they don't have the force sometime in life..

RoseTintMyWorld 8

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Sunday 15 January 2012 9:56

It's like turning 11 and not getting your Hogwarts letter. Just one of life's little disappointments.

ChaosAngel17 14

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:01

And what if they do have it...?

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Sunday 15 January 2012 10:24

Then they go to platform nine and three- Ohhhhh you're not talking about the letter!!! Nm Then they enjoy more leisurely bathroom breaks

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Sunday 15 January 2012 17:40

It was definitely heart breaking when I never got mine... I had such big plans for the wizarding world

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 170

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 2 745