Love: Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent... - FML

By santa_maria - 25/08/2011 21:45 - Reunion

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 188

You deserved it 106 553

Leave us alone

Stop talking!

Technologically challenged

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 07:35

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 908

You deserved it 10 295

By kitkat1740 - 17/11/2015 00:21 - United States - Concord

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 145

You deserved it 1 898

Relationships sink

By BS2280 - 09/06/2020 23:00

Today, my wife told me that she isn't in a place where she can have a physical relationship, that if I want us to have a physical relationship, then we need to start from the bottom up, and work on building a friendship. I'm like, we've been married 15 years, and we're not even friends? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 028

You deserved it 491

By Noname - 04/02/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 7 218

Photography nerd

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 23:44 - United States - Boston

Spicy

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 021

You deserved it 21 789

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 398

You deserved it 2 230

By Confused - 13/05/2013 14:39 - United States - Bath

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 528

You deserved it 3 121

By dirtyfoot - 18/01/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 032

You deserved it 2 393

What are the odds?

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 03:00 - Australia - Warners Bay

Today, while driving my car, there was a talk on the radio about road safety. I got so engrossed that I drifted and crashed my car into a sign promoting the talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 833

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 20:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, through a mutual friend, I met the girl of my dreams. After flirting and exchanging numbers with her, my friend confessed that she's liked me since the day we met. Now the girl of my dreams doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me out of respect for our friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 384

You deserved it 1 738

By Kyle - 10/05/2011 10:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 956

You deserved it 46 903

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 486

You deserved it 8 262

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 08:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over with a broken engraved bracelet that I paid 50 dollars for. I was so angry but when I stated "I am going to call them and get a new one!" my boyfriend said back to me "No it's okay, I didn't really like it anyways." It was for our 2 year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 004

You deserved it 15 187

By B-ran - 05/01/2010 00:29 - France

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 745

You deserved it 21 561

By myl1f3isfuct - 11/07/2013 00:15 - United States

Today, my college English teacher told me if I wanted an explanation for my grade I would have to schedule a conference to come to her office. It's an online class. I took an online class because I can't come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 337

You deserved it 4 369

By MaggotMother - 20/04/2013 10:51 - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 412

You deserved it 7 576

By anonymous - 11/02/2012 05:57 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 867

You deserved it 5 597

By papergirl - 24/04/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 206

You deserved it 19 536

Straining

By NoPeeGiven - 14/04/2013 05:10 - United States - Palatine

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 821

You deserved it 9 950

Gotcha!

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 03:57 - United States - State College

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 044

You deserved it 22 736

By bitch i'm a gerontophile - 29/11/2012 18:08 - Taiwan

Today, while working at my local supermarket, I found a boy lost and wandering about, so I took him to the front desk. My reward from his mother was a slap around the face and harsh words for supposedly having kidnapped him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 047

You deserved it 1 850

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 899

You deserved it 12 123

By RIP_Nose - 03/04/2014 21:48 - Germany - Aidenbach

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 629

You deserved it 3 866

By FD4 - 15/09/2018 14:30

Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 3 101

By flipraff101 - 14/10/2009 09:20 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was at home and my boyfriend called me and said that I'd left my G-string at his house. I only have one G-string and I was wearing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 907

You deserved it 2 741

By Mika_Ookami - 21/02/2010 17:54 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. A pretty redhead came on the screen. One of my guy friends leaned over to me and said, "Have you noticed there aren't any pretty redheads in real life?" I guess he forgot what color my hair is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 006

You deserved it 3 243

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 521

You deserved it 4 720

By nickern - 08/02/2012 00:13 - Australia

Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 491

You deserved it 22 920

By frustrated - 05/08/2009 20:30 - Ireland

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 642

You deserved it 5 718

I hate Mondays

By Leaving Early Fail - 12/01/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 11 615

By Nuttjacob - 28/02/2011 01:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out the hard way that you can get carpal tunnel from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 316

You deserved it 41 456

By TheGoodTwin - 14/07/2011 15:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been having an intimate text exchange with a woman. She's the grieving widow of his friend who died three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 224

You deserved it 2 790

By NotHungryAnymore - 01/03/2016 15:46 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boss is now so comfortable with me that she doesn't even try to hide the fact that she goes digging for gold in her nose through every conversation we have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 744

You deserved it 1 338

NYC public transport

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 17:02 - United States - New York

Today, there was a pretty girl sitting near me on the train home. I thought about asking for her number. Instead, a drunk nitwit decides to wander about the car and comes very close to touching her. She got up and moved to the other end, while I had to deal with a belligerent hobo who was now intent on fighting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 135

Classic

By Stooped - 25/03/2021 09:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I paid my long-distance boyfriend of 4 years a surprise visit. I entered his house and he got irrationally angry, asking why didn’t I tell him beforehand. Moments later, a female voice yelled, "Babe come back to bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 189

By ohsnap - 22/01/2011 21:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 689

You deserved it 5 703

By auraya1985 - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 234

You deserved it 1 868

He's probably right

By Anonymous - 25/05/2019 00:01

Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 199

By loser weeper - 26/11/2018 21:00 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, after looking for my phone for three weeks, I used find my iPhone to track it to my sister-in-law's house. Her response? "Finders keepers, losers weepers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 848

You deserved it 255

By izoliv - 22/11/2008 08:17 - France

Spicy

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 616

You deserved it 10 715

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Friday 26 August 2011 1:58

Did she like your outfit?

Nanall 15

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Friday 26 August 2011 1:59

Wow. I hope you didn't get the internship for demeaning women like that.

Comments

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Friday 26 August 2011 1:58

Did she like your outfit?

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:01

Of course she did! Everybody loves girls in skirts.

Imgonnahaveabf 9

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:09

Thats pretty much the definition of attention whore.

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:09

Yeah she got a boner

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:16

YDI, slut.

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:16

You don't need to dress sexy to wash dishes and serve people coffee. Because that the job I'd give you if you tried to seduce me into giving you a job. Back to the kitchen for you, until you find a job without having to be a cocktease. Oh yeahhh I just did

coffeygirl12 14

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:33

God, women complain about not being treated fairly & stuff. Come on, what do you expect is going to happen when you dress like that to go to work?

dsbs 9

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:53

Sounds like a porno to me

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:58

I hate how people hire based on what they're wearing. It should be based on skills. If I have to hire slutty looking woman at work, then god dammit it's a sacrifice my wife I have to make!

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Friday 26 August 2011 3:05

Not a good idea to attempt to improve your chances by looking like a whore.

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Friday 26 August 2011 3:11

Tell us you were hired, and we'll all know something new about you and his wife.

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Friday 26 August 2011 3:12

THREESOME!!! :D

NTimmy 2

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Friday 26 August 2011 3:17

And how did she handle it?

Fmeonce_shameonu 15

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Friday 26 August 2011 1:58

Nice try! People love hoes...

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:09

No, if anything it would make them not like you. You're applying for a fairly difficult job then it's just gonna make you look like a dumb whore.... which I'm guessing you are.

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:15

And I'm guessing you're a fat fuck.

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:38

I'm more of a lawn blower guy myself...

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:38

I don't.

Fmeonce_shameonu 15

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Friday 26 August 2011 3:08

Lol you people are amazing. Look up sarcasm on the web. People and their humor now days. Obviously that's a terrible idea to dress like that..

Fmeonce_shameonu 15

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Friday 26 August 2011 3:11

And no I'm 6' 165. Not fat but might go bald some day...say a prayer for me!

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Friday 26 August 2011 3:17

I like this guy.. IndiRae fuck you ... dirty hoe! (swoops back up with foot) I'm sorry I love you. (lame movie refference)

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Friday 26 August 2011 1:59

Ugh YDI tired of hearing these

genesisnirvana 11

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:20

Agreed.No one likes an attention whore

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:30

ohhhhhh man. plan b- find new job

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:53

Same here, how is dressing like a whore going to get you anywhere in life?

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:53

Same here, how is dressing like a whore going to get you anywhere in life?

coffeygirl12 14

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Friday 26 August 2011 3:13

...uh look at ur profile pic...???

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Friday 26 August 2011 1:59

Scum

Friday 26 August 2011 1:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

genesisnirvana 11

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:22

You can't turn a hoe into a lawyer

jumble 12

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:23

If she wants to act like a hoe, shouldn't she be outside with all the other lawn work tools?

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:23

You raise a valid point!

customparachute 0

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Friday 26 August 2011 1:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

genesisnirvana 11

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:34

There are times when it's ok to look sexy, but during an interview is NOT one of those things.

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Friday 26 August 2011 3:17

I soooo agree with #80

Nanall 15

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Friday 26 August 2011 1:59

Wow. I hope you didn't get the internship for demeaning women like that.

Friday 26 August 2011 2:37

But sometimes demeaning your gender is a good way to get ahead :D!

crazyrunnergirl 7

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:00

Good for a thought not a action

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:01

Way to set women back a couple dozen decades. YDI

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Friday 26 August 2011 3:16

I still place women on a pedestal. so i can see up their dress....

krysxkatastrophe 14

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Friday 26 August 2011 2:01

Even if it wasn't his wife handling the interviews, he would probably would have noted inappropriate dress and your chances of hire would decrease. ALWAYS be professional.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 25

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 274