Miscellaneous: Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Birmingham

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

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Great boyfriend

Ghosted

Trans women are women

By Anonymous

Spooky season has begun

Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML

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By blackedout - Singapore

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

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By kisyfrot - France

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

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By Ages ago - Poland - Warsaw

Today, two guys robbed me. As I wrestled them on the ground, my best friend just stood next to all this, telling me to give them the money already, or we'd be late for school. FML

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By Wade - United States

Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

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By Kerkie - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my 12-year-old stepchild told me he’s been deliberately wetting - and sometimes crapping - the bed because he’s too lazy to get up and knows it’s someone else’s problem to clean up after him. It’s been going on for years. FML

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By Oh really - Australia

Today, my friend mentioned a book that reminded her of me. When I asked what it was called she said, "He's just not that into you". FML

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By Allycat - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Scarsdale

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 05:01

Blackmail material

Today, I was staying at a hotel and had a night terror. I woke up, yelled, "Fuck!" and realized I had shit the bed. I'd woken up my teenage daughter, who now knows I shit the bed in the middle night. FML

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By lawman - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my mum is convinced I'm a hoarder. While I was out of the house, she went through my room and threw out stuff I "don't need." This included $500 worth of textbooks, a flash drive with crucial work on it, and my phone charger. FML

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By Smiley - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at the funeral of my friend's grandmother. FML

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By - United States

Today, my cousin got hired after six days of job-hunting. I graduated from university six months ago and haven't even scored a single interview; he's a deadbeat junkie who just got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kent

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

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By lifesucks0925 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

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By thelarkscaw - United States

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while babysitting a young girl, I put on the movie Bambi, as she told me it was her favorite movie. I didn't know that her parents always skipped the scene where Bambi's mom dies. Despite my attempts to comfort her, she was still upset when her parents returned. Her mom blamed me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML

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By anti-drugs - United Kingdom

Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML

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By anamanaguchi

Today, a 6th grader came up to me and told me I have the smallest breasts in the class. I'm their teacher. FML

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By Ineedjustice03 - Singapore

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

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By KO - United States

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

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By I'm so sorry...

Today, a coworker left a chocolate cake on the "free food" table in the office. I had a slice. She's just called to ask if she left her grandmother's birthday cake at work. She made it from scratch. Now I'm baking a new cake in the office kitchen. FML

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By dude5028 - United States

Today, I switched from a pediatrician to an adult doctor. The guy was really persistant about a few personal questions. Then he brought my parents in the room and told them that I have an abnormally small penis and what remedies he knows of to fix it. FML

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By Catremorse - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

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By BW - United States

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2020 14:00 - United States - Charlottesville

Smash the patriarchy!

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend, trying to prove to him that I was stronger. I did. He started crying. He then broke up with me because he couldn't be in a relationship in which his girlfriend was stronger than him. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my brother and I drove 3 hours to pick up our puppy. The woman we bought him from said not to put him in the cage for the ride home as he would pee for sure. She recommended I put him on my lap. Not only did he shit on the seat backing out of her driveway, he pissed on me an hour later. FML

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By kerdersty - Canada

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

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By Loho - Canada

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

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By aprouddaddy - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 23:10

Bit on the side

Today, I have been talking to someone for the past 9 months. He always said he could never give me a relationship. But he loves me. He finally told me it’s because he’s been with someone for 3 years and I’m basically the side chick he fell in love with. FML

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By caempa - Australia

Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wichita

Today, I decided to look at the pictures my mom took during my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Every single one is of my sister. Her lighting the candles, her watching me open presents, and her eating cake. The only pictures of me are in the background. FML

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By me - Australia

Today, my boyfriend sang "happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembered the date of the first time he went down on me. FML

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By SmallAngel - United States - Aurora

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

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Top comments

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6363668 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:50

Well, it's a legitimate question?

By roydashious | 11

#6363673 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:51

well that has to be traumatising

COMMENTS

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6363668 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:50

Well, it's a legitimate question?

Reply

Murilirum | 23

#6363820 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 0:46

"Oh you're doing it wrong, you need to run it in incognit- I err, check your internet connection sir."

Reply

Nanu77 | 9

#6363829 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 0:49

The monkey can stay alive for decades.

It requires regular beating as long as it does..

So it's ok.

By ThePaperDragon | 31

#6363669 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:50

Why wait so long before asking? I pray that was not his only reason for visiting the Apple Store!

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#6363683 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:54

Because Apple always has crazy wait lines. I had to wait about an hour last time I needed tech support from them, too.

Reply

jake131000 | 21

#6363731 - Monday 27 July 2015 23:47

probably waiting in line

Reply

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6363856 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 1:08

They have crazy wait lines if you don't set up an appointment.

Reply

KobeLebroJordan | 17

#6364037 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 5:08

Were you having trouble with PornHub too, vegan?

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#6364274 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 14:01

That was exactly what my problem was! How did you know?

By Kurby14 | 21

#6363672 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:51

I feel your pain OP. mine keeps coming to me and asking why his won't load and if I'll help him fix it. fyl OP!

By roydashious | 11

#6363673 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:51

well that has to be traumatising

Reply

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6363733 - Monday 27 July 2015 23:54

why? Embarrasing, sure.. but traumatizing? Just curious, is porn for young people only?

Reply

psychopolarbear | 28

#6364040 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 5:11

This should be a skit in Bad Grandpa.

By qwertycode | 19

#6363675 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:52

Plot twist: the employees help him load it.

By Anro_fml | 17

#6363676 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:52

Awesome. ?

By khorstmye | 15

#6363677 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:52

That's a pretty hard question to answer

By MDoremis | 38

#6363678 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:53

I love old people. They just say whatever they want.

By HrothgarXII | 21

#6363679 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:53

45 minutes? That Apple store needs to get their wifi checked.

Reply

Enkeria | 30

#6364164 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 8:27

#9, they waited 45 minutes in line...

By xoxoblondee | 30

#6363680 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:53

Like the old man, the computer probably has too many viruses to keep going