Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/7/2015 16:32 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

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Understandable

Fairytale ending

The student becomes the master

By Lasko - 12/8/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, I found out that just because you collapse from dehydration on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean people are going to stop driving to see if you're okay, even if they saw you fall. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2015 13:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

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By seeking new employment - 7/1/2016 01:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

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By Anna - 18/6/2011 16:54 - Estonia

Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML

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By frankfukhergood - 9/7/2009 05:49 - Canada

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

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By Some Guy - 12/10/2015 00:54 - United States - Allen

Today, I was babysitting a 2 year old. He was messing around with a silver fork and I told him it was dangerous. He then got mad at me and started crying and stabbed me right in my foot. Be warned, even though they're little, they can still cause a lot of pain. FML

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By oxbonxo - 7/2/2011 08:38 - Australia

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

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By gotthewrongman - 17/12/2009 17:49 - United States

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

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By PJ - 5/1/2010 14:06 - United States

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

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By humiliated - 14/1/2011 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school, so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs and said, "make them fatter". FML

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By NotBeingPaidEnough - 3/3/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat and threw up on my checkout. FML

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By Llamadroid - 22/5/2016 18:19 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, out of my whole class, I received no awards. All my teachers thought that I would get plenty from the others. Now people think I'm stupid. I have a 3.66 GPA and they won't believe me. FML

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By pianoplayer - 22/5/2013 01:57 - Canada - Mackenzie

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

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By kb - 10/1/2015 14:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

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By ZSL - 17/8/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

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By Geckosrock99 - 20/7/2016 05:58

Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML

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By fxck - 20/7/2012 22:45 - South Africa - Durban

Today, while walking home, I passed some guy loudly whining that foreign imports are destroying our economy, and that we should all be deported. When I pointed out that the mobile phone in his hand was clearly a Samsung, he turned bright red and punched me in the gut. FML

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By helper - 1/12/2009 06:15 - Costa Rica

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

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By Nekro_Kat - 10/8/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML

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By Screwed - 22/4/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML

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By seethroughpee - 6/5/2015 05:22 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML

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By Username - 25/11/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML

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By workaholic - 17/11/2010 07:34

Today, I was talking to my manager about a movie. She asked what main actors were in it, but the only one I could remember was Forest Whitaker. I told her then immediately blurted out "You know, the one with the freaky lazy eye." My manager has a lazy eye. FML

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By gotanewmouse - 26/9/2011 10:37 - New Zealand

Today, I saw my co-worker sneeze into his palm, get up, walk to my desk and smear his hand all over my computer mouse. He then went back to his desk and continued with his work. Last week we had a workplace awareness meeting about my OCD and fear of germs. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2014 21:07 - United States

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2016 08:26 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML

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By nopenopenopenope - 23/9/2016 03:28 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML

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By Username - 15/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML

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By whytetrash - 2/11/2012 05:53 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2013 05:37 - United States - Mariposa

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

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By itsgotime - 20/3/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

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By hotelbound - 21/5/2013 00:37 - United States - Florissant

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

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By Username - 3/2/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

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By Jedi2500 - 15/2/2012 23:53 - United States

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

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By anonymous - 27/1/2012 15:26 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML

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By nazirah4shizzle - 15/5/2015 19:54 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

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By ash203 - 12/12/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, my friend and I got really drunk at the holiday staff party. When I went to work afterwards, everyone gave me the death stare. Apparently, I got so drunk that I flashed my boss' 13 year old son. FML

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By aineroo - 5/11/2014 21:25 - Ireland - Galway

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

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Top comments

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6363668 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:50

Well, it's a legitimate question?

By roydashious | 11

#6363673 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:51

well that has to be traumatising

COMMENTS

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6363668 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:50

Well, it's a legitimate question?

Reply

Murilirum | 23

#6363820 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 0:46

"Oh you're doing it wrong, you need to run it in incognit- I err, check your internet connection sir."

Reply

Nanu77 | 9

#6363829 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 0:49

The monkey can stay alive for decades.

It requires regular beating as long as it does..

So it's ok.

By ThePaperDragon | 31

#6363669 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:50

Why wait so long before asking? I pray that was not his only reason for visiting the Apple Store!

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#6363683 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:54

Because Apple always has crazy wait lines. I had to wait about an hour last time I needed tech support from them, too.

Reply

jake131000 | 21

#6363731 - Monday 27 July 2015 23:47

probably waiting in line

Reply

Miss_Whipped | 42

#6363856 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 1:08

They have crazy wait lines if you don't set up an appointment.

Reply

KobeLebroJordan | 17

#6364037 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 5:08

Were you having trouble with PornHub too, vegan?

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#6364274 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 14:01

That was exactly what my problem was! How did you know?

By Kurby14 | 21

#6363672 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:51

I feel your pain OP. mine keeps coming to me and asking why his won't load and if I'll help him fix it. fyl OP!

By roydashious | 11

#6363673 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:51

well that has to be traumatising

Reply

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6363733 - Monday 27 July 2015 23:54

why? Embarrasing, sure.. but traumatizing? Just curious, is porn for young people only?

Reply

psychopolarbear | 28

#6364040 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 5:11

This should be a skit in Bad Grandpa.

By qwertycode | 19

#6363675 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:52

Plot twist: the employees help him load it.

By Anro_fml | 17

#6363676 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:52

Awesome. ?

By khorstmye | 15

#6363677 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:52

That's a pretty hard question to answer

By MDoremis | 38

#6363678 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:53

I love old people. They just say whatever they want.

By HrothgarXII | 21

#6363679 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:53

45 minutes? That Apple store needs to get their wifi checked.

Reply

Enkeria | 30

#6364164 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 8:27

#9, they waited 45 minutes in line...

By xoxoblondee | 30

#6363680 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:53

Like the old man, the computer probably has too many viruses to keep going