Miscellaneous: Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Birmingham

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

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There's no helping some people

Bullshit reason #874

Egg mode

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

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By DocBastard, meet DocCunt - Australia - Sydney

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

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By Shame - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML

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By Ese

Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML

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By Anonymous - Vietnam

Today, I'm on holiday in Vietnam, and was wearing a new shirt. In a restaurant, the waitress pointed at my shirt and said something I couldn't understand, so I just smiled and nodded my head. She then gave me a weird look and walked away. Turns out there was a huge spider on it. FML

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By Noname - Australia

Today, I was on a standing on a crowded bus going home after school. A wriggling 5 year old boy and his mum left the seat to get off the bus. Since no one looked keen to sit on the seat, I did, only to find out that it was covered in pee. FML

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By Yippie - Spain - Alcal? De Guadaira

Today, when I woke up, I quickly pulled the bed sheet with my right arm to get out of the bed. I failed to notice that a big portion of the sheet was pinned under my body. My arm dislocated and I fainted because of the pain. Great way to start the day. FML

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By lhazel - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, after leaving my workplace, I realized that I forgot some important work papers. When I went back to get them, I was faced with the sight of my boss and a coworker getting it on against my desk. FML

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By caaarl - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

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By fml boy

Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML

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By Ted, E. Vic - United States

Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML

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By fatty magoo - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

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By BrokeAsAJoke - United States

Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML

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By IHateProtesters - United States - Hartford

Today, a group of protesters set up just outside my residence hall at one in the morning. After an hour of chanting, the police finally told them to stop, and I was finally able to get some sleep. The protesters responded by pulling the fire alarm in every residence hall on campus. FML

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By EmbarrassedBather

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

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By TheStressComesFree - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

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By voicelesspeasant

Today, weeks after I paid extra for faster shipping, I received confirmation that my paperwork for overseas voting has been received. Too bad the deadline in my state was yesterday. Thanks, Postal Service, for the consistency of your failures. FML

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By art_major - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Bend

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

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By cmore - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

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By misspriss - United States

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

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By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - United States - Washington

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

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By d0rk_ - Canada

Today, I was in English when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I have to walk across my school with a plunger. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

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By ForeverAlone - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

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By ouch - United States - Fullerton

Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML

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By Clader - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

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By always-the-responsible-one - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

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By MedStudent90 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

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By Marine - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend of over a year a text message telling him how much I loved him, how perfect he is for me and what I love about him. He sent me back a text saying, "I thought you had class." FML

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By Zach - United States - Lewes

Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML

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By Megan - United States

Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML

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By bob - United States

Today, I was eating noodles. Midway through chewing, I sneezed. The noodles got stuck in my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

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By Unknown - United States

Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight this shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow and I tugged to hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML

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By blue - United Kingdom - London

Today, my swimming coach made us swim fifty laps non-stop as punishment for his previous class being unable to swim a drill properly. They're 8-11 year olds who are still learning to swim. I feel like my arms and legs are filled with lead. FML

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By b3ardown23 - United States

Today, I got junk punched by a midget in Sears for giving him "a funny look." I was trying to read the price of the fridge he was standing in front of. FML

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Top comments

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6363668 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:50

Well, it's a legitimate question?

By roydashious | 11

#6363673 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:51

well that has to be traumatising

COMMENTS

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6363668 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:50

Well, it's a legitimate question?

Reply

Murilirum | 23

#6363820 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 0:46

"Oh you're doing it wrong, you need to run it in incognit- I err, check your internet connection sir."

Reply

Nanu77 | 9

#6363829 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 0:49

The monkey can stay alive for decades.

It requires regular beating as long as it does..

So it's ok.

By ThePaperDragon | 31

#6363669 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:50

Why wait so long before asking? I pray that was not his only reason for visiting the Apple Store!

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#6363683 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:54

Because Apple always has crazy wait lines. I had to wait about an hour last time I needed tech support from them, too.

Reply

jake131000 | 21

#6363731 - Monday 27 July 2015 23:47

probably waiting in line

Reply

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6363856 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 1:08

They have crazy wait lines if you don't set up an appointment.

Reply

KobeLebroJordan | 17

#6364037 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 5:08

Were you having trouble with PornHub too, vegan?

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#6364274 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 14:01

That was exactly what my problem was! How did you know?

By Kurby14 | 21

#6363672 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:51

I feel your pain OP. mine keeps coming to me and asking why his won't load and if I'll help him fix it. fyl OP!

By roydashious | 11

#6363673 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:51

well that has to be traumatising

Reply

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6363733 - Monday 27 July 2015 23:54

why? Embarrasing, sure.. but traumatizing? Just curious, is porn for young people only?

Reply

psychopolarbear | 28

#6364040 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 5:11

This should be a skit in Bad Grandpa.

By qwertycode | 19

#6363675 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:52

Plot twist: the employees help him load it.

By Anro_fml | 17

#6363676 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:52

Awesome. ?

By khorstmye | 15

#6363677 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:52

That's a pretty hard question to answer

By MDoremis | 38

#6363678 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:53

I love old people. They just say whatever they want.

By HrothgarXII | 21

#6363679 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:53

45 minutes? That Apple store needs to get their wifi checked.

Reply

Enkeria | 30

#6364164 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 8:27

#9, they waited 45 minutes in line...

By xoxoblondee | 30

#6363680 - Monday 27 July 2015 22:53

Like the old man, the computer probably has too many viruses to keep going