Today, I turned 30 years-old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML
Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML
Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML
Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML
Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I'm 20 years-old and I was propositioned by a 42 year-old man, who turned out to be my dad's friend who helped care for me when I was 2 to 7 years-old. FML
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML
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Top comments
CassT 0
Oho damn, no one needs to hear that. Happy birthday, man ! :)
bosco_kk 0
Once my dad told me his complete sex life, with horrid, horrid details. So I feel your pain. FYL, and happy birthday by the way.
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Comments (125)
gurlgurlgurl 0
ouch. you're scarred :)
illeyad 0
Happy Birthday, but lol- your dad is awsome!
ssfchik17 0
happy birthday but im really sry ur dads an perv.
Glam_fml 0
Aww, happy birthday! That's one strange father you have there.. Honestly, what kind of parents discuss their sex life with their children?? I know I certainly don't want to here about my parents' sex lives, and I'm sure they don't want to hear about mine. FYL
quietgirl 0
I cannot believe all the people saying "holy crap your 30 and your dads the only living relative you have?" im 15 and i have no living relatives at all. Its called life people. shit happens. You must all be really happy and have wholesom families if you think thats weird. OP-im sorry. Happy Birthday.
Weil 0
Old people are hot.
ohhsnapp 0
wow thats not awkward or anything. happy birthday tho.
genius_girl16 0
ewwwwwwwwwwww old people should not be doin it. No one over the age of 30 should have sex its just disgusting. Everything starts to sag and no one, not even ur partner wants to see that! and OP are u sure that ur dad is the only livingg realitive. Wat about second cousins or your third aunt twice removed. DONT LIE!
BaldOuting 0
yeah what exactly is a hot piece of ass at the senior center?
Overcast117 5
Well I would have laughed.