Miscellaneous: Today, I turned 30 years-old. My dad, the only living relative...

By willieboom - 30/05/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I turned 30 years-old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 700

You deserved it 3 056

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Same thing different taste

By NotSoComfortable - 17/12/2015 09:10 - Italy - Pontecchio Polesine

Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 818

You deserved it 2 424

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 12/04/2014 01:40 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 977

You deserved it 3 451

Close to me

By Furnando - 06/01/2023 00:00

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 1 137

By thanks - 02/05/2014 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 992

You deserved it 3 514

By AM - 31/08/2015 21:46

Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 613

You deserved it 1 927

By Anonymous - 14/04/2018 15:00

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 632

You deserved it 641

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 712

You deserved it 5 788

That's creepy, dude

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 11:01

Today, I'm 20 years-old and I was propositioned by a 42 year-old man, who turned out to be my dad's friend who helped care for me when I was 2 to 7 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 72

Roll with it

By jonasister - 15/04/2012 18:43 - Sweden - Lund

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 338

You deserved it 3 331

Thanks for that, dad!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 467

You deserved it 251

CassT 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:33

Oho damn, no one needs to hear that. Happy birthday, man ! :)

bosco_kk 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:37

Once my dad told me his complete sex life, with horrid, horrid details. So I feel your pain. FYL, and happy birthday by the way.

Comments

CassT 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:33

Oho damn, no one needs to hear that. Happy birthday, man ! :)

DarkPrince_fml 0

Sunday 4 April 2010 17:56

first of all happy b day 2ndly when i read this i got the inage of an old dude nailing an old chick. i cant un see this. fml

dol567 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:33

Woow you need to have a convo with him about that.

ilovefatcats 12

Wednesday 31 March 2010 5:37

stop whinig at leas he calls u -_-

wowihatemylife 1

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:34

wow thats just wierd happy birthday!

nutmeg 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:34

Wow what crap. lol

bosco_kk 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:37

Once my dad told me his complete sex life, with horrid, horrid details. So I feel your pain. FYL, and happy birthday by the way.

TheVerne 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:37

Happy Birthday :) Hope the rest of your day was better...

GDI 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:39

Are you mad that he's getting more action than you?

24788 6

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:42

lol, that's just ******* creepy.

couturegirl2 7

Friday 8 July 2011 8:22

hottayy

subarchetta 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:43

What a loving dad.

angel03260 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 22:44

happy birthday. your dads a g.

Keywords

Friends Love Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Work Revenge Parents Relatable Awkward Miscellaneous Weird Health Job interview Social Media Jealousy Facebook Relationship advice AITA Kids Roommate Shoes Annoying Music Names Customers Capitalism Money

The Top

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 787

You deserved it 3 097

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 844

You deserved it 634

The Top

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 313

You deserved it 4 320

Today, I was sitting on park bench eating a sandwich when suddenly the bench broke and I fell and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 100

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 46 853

You deserved it 25 862

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me in the bathroom. That's how he found out that I wax my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 237

You deserved it 30 442

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 997

You deserved it 3 820

Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 265

You deserved it 2 984

Same thing different taste

Oh no…

Close to me

That's creepy, dude

Roll with it

Thanks for that, dad!

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