Today, I turned 30 years-old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML
Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML
Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML
Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML
Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I'm 20 years-old and I was propositioned by a 42 year-old man, who turned out to be my dad's friend who helped care for me when I was 2 to 7 years-old. FML
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML
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Top comments
CassT 0
Oho damn, no one needs to hear that. Happy birthday, man ! :)
bosco_kk 0
Once my dad told me his complete sex life, with horrid, horrid details. So I feel your pain. FYL, and happy birthday by the way.
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Comments (125)
machinedreams 0
Well... good for him that he's getting some, but that's so not something you want to hear. But hey, at least you didn't find naked pictures of him like I did of my parents. Lots of them. Am afraid to go near my mother's computer ever again now.
Foolio 0
LMAO! I never leave comments, but this was gold!
skierguy 0
Damn, your dad is a P-I-M-P.
stellasue11 38
lol too funny :)
CourtneyDanielle_fml 9
Thats.. awkward.. No one should have to hear about their parents sex life at any age... Happy Birthday, though! :)
DarkMirror 0
Old people need lovin' too lol Happy birthday =)
manoverboard 0
...I love how the number of comments is 69 right now.
omgitsseejay 0
man, you dad gets more ass than me, i tip my hat to him
betsymonty 0
Maybe OP's father is in the early stages of dementia. Or the funniest dad ever.
staciieee_x3 0
happy birthday dude. but seriously. what a legend your father is. LOL. damnnnn go your dad! ;)
Gawain_fml 0
Good for your dad! Old people get horny too.