Today, I turned 30 years-old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML
Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML
Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML
Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML
Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I'm 20 years-old and I was propositioned by a 42 year-old man, who turned out to be my dad's friend who helped care for me when I was 2 to 7 years-old. FML
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML
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Top comments
CassT 0
Oho damn, no one needs to hear that. Happy birthday, man ! :)
bosco_kk 0
Once my dad told me his complete sex life, with horrid, horrid details. So I feel your pain. FYL, and happy birthday by the way.
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Comments (125)
Phaedron 0
On the upside, now you know you've got some good ass-getting genes. ...All you have to do is wait for yours to kick in. YDI for being outdone by a geriatric.
LordSlawter 0
Hey man, at least your dad got some! :P Although that wasn't the best start, I hope you're having a wonderful 30th burthday~
ceight 0
you just turned thirty, and your dad is already in a senior center? did he have you at 50 years old or something? :S
cinderelly 0
holy crap. you're only thirty and you're dad is the last living relative you have? that really sucks.
keiferrr 0
the elder become more sexual as they get older
emer_helena 0
I think the really sad part isn't that your dad told you bout his sex life (though that's bad) but it's that he's the only living family you have. Sorry and happy birthday!
jimbobio 1
Ahh that's sweet
_reagan 0
oh, wow. fyl!
wet24_7 0
haha you were a mistake!!! too bad your mom was prolly a **** like all the other women he has been nailing
wbrycem 0
Your dad's the man