Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML
Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend, "Where art thou, my love?" via SMS. She replied, "Toilet." FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, I sent a text message to this girl I've been flirting with for a while now saying "How about coffee?". To which she answered "Great idea, I'll go and make myself one right now". FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Today, I saw a girl I have a crush on sitting on a fountain, away from everyone. I thought this would be the perfect time to make a move on her. I tapped her on the shoulder, which scared her. She nervously flenched and began to piss herself. FML
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Top comments
ifuckingrock 0
Oh, my god, your girlfriend has a bladder, I feel so bad for you.
WhyComplain 0
This is the biggest problem in your life and you complain about it? You have a girlfriend, be happy!
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Comments (97)
satanstoystore 0
? this is dumb. ydi for sucking at flirting. how did you even get her?
Witchcraft_fml 5
This is how the best Instant Message pornos always begin.
Kofu 0
Sorry, man, but you need to read between the lines. When she said "Keep talking," she was meaning that she liked it, and wanted to come back to a few more lines of compliments. That, or you're just god-awful at flirting. Compliment something SPECIFIC about her; don't just say that she's hot, you schmuck.
maddog_fml 0
What's next? "Keep talking, I have to take a dump"? :/
BreeKnox 0
yeah uhm...you do NOT know how to compliment a girl. either she's dumb as hell, or shes frickin ugly. cus if a guy said that to me, i would just take it and not say anything back. maybe she's telling you something...
canucksrule88 0
LOLL
Poke_my_mon 0
This one time... i was flirting over the internet... and she said she had to sneeze really badly, so she'd be right back.... It was horrible :'( Suck it up, ponty.
CJ090 0
Yea real classy chiq u got there bub where do u guys live New York
Rota 0
Ask if you cab watch next time. That'll get her going real quick.
driedpeaches 0
yeah... who gives a shit?
bobjoefredsky 0
hehe that's what I said