Miscellaneous: Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML - FML

By shea234 - 20/02/2012 16:19 - United States

Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 874

You deserved it 8 657

Hiding from the drama

Impressive

Simps gonna simp

By UnicornWaffles - 24/10/2016 01:38 - United States - Wooster

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 446

You deserved it 1 018

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 438

You deserved it 8 044

Bullshit reason #874

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 19:57 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because, she says, I have diabetes and she can’t handle the complications that may occur in the future. This after I arranged for her to take trip to Italy to ride horses, which has been on her bucket list for like 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 114

By iceman123432 - 02/09/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 063

You deserved it 4 221

You never know

By Saraaah - 19/12/2020 02:01

Today, I'm on a long car trip with a friend who makes fun of my pee breaks every 45 minutes. "Well, are you incontinent? You should wear diapers, otherwise we'll never reach our destination!" What she doesn't know : I have bladder issues, and even if I try not to use them, I do wear diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 97

By Dude_Stop - 27/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 182

You deserved it 276

By whattabrat - 26/02/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 994

You deserved it 3 291

By dumped - 17/04/2011 21:12 - South Africa

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 749

You deserved it 3 789

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 00:10 - United States - Persia

Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 228

You deserved it 2 004

By Anonymous - 09/12/2015 15:22 - United States

Today, I told a customer to have a nice day. Little did I know it'd make her have an emotional breakdown and nearly cause me to lose my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 589

You deserved it 1 379

By red_headforlife - 28/09/2012 05:34 - United States - Chandler

Today, I was so happy to be leaving the hospital after breaking my arm the night before. Just as I walked out of the doors, a huge ambulance team was running in at the same time and knocked me down full force. I now have a broken ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 217

You deserved it 2 529

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 17:11 - United States - Romulus

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 534

You deserved it 5 549

By Anonymous - 11/07/2013 19:09 - United States - Omaha

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 953

You deserved it 12 822

By seachelle - 07/05/2019 20:00

Today, the guy I've been seeing posted about having relationship problems and arguments with his girl. I've been in the hospital for surgery for the past few days and have been unable to talk to him. Before this, he told me I was the only one. Guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 120

By nic - 01/04/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 722

You deserved it 120 282

By Anonymous - 20/11/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 870

You deserved it 7 594

By xXMudkipNoobXx - 13/01/2012 01:20 - United States

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 942

You deserved it 6 143

By EpicFail - 11/01/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 804

You deserved it 2 345

Can he fix it?

By Chelsy - 11/09/2019 12:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 184

By Anonymous - 12/01/2015 09:46 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Spicy

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 216

You deserved it 7 741

UTI

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 07:01 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, while studying in the library, I felt a sudden urge to pass gas. There were not too many people around, so I let it go while in my seat and it went unnoticed. What caught the attention of everybody was the puddle slowly forming under my seat. Turns out, I farted so hard I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 918

By some_girl_19 - 05/08/2009 13:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 990

You deserved it 9 404

By shoggoth_wild - 27/02/2015 14:13 - United States - Jackson

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 886

You deserved it 3 494

By AbFlab - 01/06/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 738

You deserved it 5 200

By DrugDeal - 09/06/2011 01:24 - Canada

Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 574

You deserved it 3 385

By yikes - 02/03/2013 15:32 - United States

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 353

You deserved it 22 687

By cwell88 - 21/06/2015 13:29

Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen so I went to work. On my walk to work a girl pulls up on my bike and says I need to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. Hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass as police surround me and accuse me of stealing my own bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 663

You deserved it 1 764

By rissa5214 - 26/07/2015 18:20 - United States - Stoughton

Today, I told my boyfriend of three years that I wanted to get married and have a child within the next five years. He responded by packing up my things and showing me the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 436

You deserved it 5 887

By bex - 07/01/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 525

You deserved it 2 167

By Anonymous - 22/07/2013 19:08 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 984

You deserved it 4 498

By jeremyr5678 - 18/07/2016 23:02

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 553

You deserved it 4 525

By loserface23 - 28/05/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 642

You deserved it 3 951

By Anonymous - 30/03/2013 20:38 - Germany - Bad Windsheim

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 437

You deserved it 15 595

By moe472 - 24/01/2012 02:47 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because I look like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 790

You deserved it 2 477

Happy Birthday, I guess…

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 14:00

Today, my family decided it'd be a great idea to berate me for not being excited enough for my brother and his wife's baby news. They told us on my birthday, adding that if I wasn't so fat I'd have one too. I have insulin-resistant PCOS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 13:31 - United States - Akron

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 250

You deserved it 7 323

By creepycrawley247 - 01/05/2013 02:50 - United States - Ellington

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 193

You deserved it 3 793

By Lance - 28/01/2010 20:25 - United States

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 959

You deserved it 52 984

Blackmail

By Rakib - 31/08/2015 17:17 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 884

You deserved it 2 048

By IcyWinter - 02/04/2014 08:16 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 559

You deserved it 6 481

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Top comments

Glitterhinoceros 14

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:02

Be my friend, OP :(

Pelreskovich 11

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:24

I had a friend once.

Comments

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:01

First

LaurenMarie223 0

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:01

Wtf?

Glitterhinoceros 14

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:02

Be my friend, OP :(

drawmesunshine 17

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:08

Yeah, you can be my friend too :D

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:13

You can also find a very friendly "friend" on Craigslist too. You might have to pay though.

Pelreskovich 11

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:24

I had a friend once.

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:26

That's a good way to get yourself molested.

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:39

Damn i Could use a frnd too :)

SoSickWithIt 14

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:42

Why can't this person be the molestor? They're looking for a friend on CraigsList, which means someone else would be looking for the same, wouldn't that mean they have personality similarities? Or they're just both slightly creepy?.. 34 - Is that a modified duck face? -__-

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:53

My cousin used to go on craigslist but stopped after a guy named the strokanator e mailed her..

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:54

3-ill definitely be your friend

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Monday 20 February 2012 20:05

He has a point

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Monday 20 February 2012 20:17

Awee op you can be my friend too!! :D

AlaskanEskimo34 0

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Monday 20 February 2012 21:14

53-don't be a creep

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Monday 20 February 2012 21:40

Can I be your friend glitterhinoceros?

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Monday 20 February 2012 22:14

34- did you take an arrow to the knee?

Pelreskovich 11

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Monday 20 February 2012 22:40

Yes my heritage is part mallard and I unfortunately took two arrows to the knee.. My 'Angelina Jolie' lips have burdened me with trolls once again.

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 0:01

Glitter will you be my friend?

hellbilly205 17

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 0:09

Better then the people who go on there to look for pot smoking buddies...

SoSickWithIt 14

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 0:18

Woah, I'm not trolling, I just click on every single profile I see, and in the 1.5seconds I spent on yours I came to the conclusion you have a *duck face* pose.

xxCandyKissxx 1

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 0:42

Hehe you guys are arguing over his profile picture smile?! If you used all that anger on something good, you could invent a time machine. Get along :)

Pelreskovich 11

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 1:08

I'm arguing? Hmph.. Interesting.

xxCandyKissxx 1

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 1:22

Hehe xD

SkateBoarding 4

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 3:08

34 do u make good money?

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 3:53

Ill be your friend. But just for a bit cause I have more important shit to do.

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 5:05

Op I'll be your friend 34-- your lips look fine :) you're clearly not making slutty-girl-kissy-duck-lips

UnleashedKilla1 4

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 5:11

Forever alone... Yes I know I will get 200 thumbs down, but I honestly don't care. So: every positive like this had I'll take a shot of tequila.

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 7:25

And that's how OP made many new friends. THE END

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 17:56

Glitter looks like Chachi

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 3:53

"

Ghostrhyder12 0

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:58

I know this guy who knows another guy who had a friend once.

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:02

Well did you?

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:10

if she did do you think she would post an fml?

yummy_richkid 3

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Monday 20 February 2012 20:34

The OP should use rentafriend. :)

muppetslover 11

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Monday 20 February 2012 20:47

Talk about being forever alone...

buck33 14

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Monday 20 February 2012 21:27

17 - you're an idiot.

thiscrazything 1

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 2:42

There are hundreds of furry friends just waiting for your love in the pets category.

Webslinger66 10

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:05

Come on. You can't be that bad. Try doing something heroic. Like.... Protecting a nerd that is getting picked on. Or..... Beat up a guy that is bothering a girl at the bar. Do something to get yourself noticed

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Monday 20 February 2012 20:42

5- You have the absolute best picture I have ever seen.

4ugu4 7

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Monday 20 February 2012 21:14

-5, doesn't that only happen in movies?

TheNinjaBacon 8

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Monday 20 February 2012 22:35

Wat if he is that nerd tho?

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:05

:( don't worry! I'll be your friend but only friends nothing beyond that!!

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Monday 20 February 2012 20:31

Lol

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Monday 20 February 2012 21:17

I'm not entirely sure I'd wanna be friends with someone who has krazy in their name.....BUT I'd be friends with someone that has 666 in the name. O.o

LightningCactus 12

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 4:11

We don't want your kind around here! Damned satanists.

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 21:13

Only on Wednesday's sir.

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:05

That's a scary place to look for someone to just be friends with. A booty call, yes...friends, eh, maybe not.

DrMime 10

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Monday 20 February 2012 22:31

I'm friends with a lot of really hot chicks on Facebook! None of them know me...

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:06

That's a good way to get raped right there

M0rt 0

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:14

It's not rape if op asked for it

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:19

OP asked for a friend, not rape

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:29

Just make sure any "friends" you find aren't driving white, unmarked vans.

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:46

Nah, I'm pretty sure OP is too old for those types.

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:53

How does this FML give us any indication of age? You, as well as the rest of us, have no idea how old OP is

SoSickWithIt 14

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:59

He just knows shit? Or he could've looked up the ad.

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Monday 20 February 2012 21:19

I love you WCAR. Marry me. Then I can tell our children how their mommy and daddy met on FML.

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Monday 20 February 2012 21:43

You look hot so I'm down. What a great love story.

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

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Monday 20 February 2012 23:07

Still a better love story than Twilight.

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Monday 20 February 2012 23:29

That's because this love story doesn't involve sparkling vampires. This love story in particular involves tons of flowers and a sprinkling of romance on the way. Nobody sucks necks in this love story. :D

SaMmIMonster96 6

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 19:14

Unless she is into that..? You never know

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 23:02

don't disgrace the name of vampires by calling the beings in twilight such. they are MEYERPIRES. vampires do not sparkle >:|

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 6:09

What exactly is a meyerpire? I will disgrace anything that I feel like disgracing. o.O

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:06

I'll be your friend!! :)

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Monday 20 February 2012 19:06

Well... were you successful?

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 53

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 79