Miscellaneous: Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to...

By Triple F - 07/03/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to find my hot neighbor, with whom I carpool every morning. I struck a pose, feeling quite confident. Upon taking my first step down the stairs, I fell forward. I woke up an hour later with 7 stitches in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 066

You deserved it 40 166

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

Push through the pain barrier

Work > Love

By so much for a good day - 15/07/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I grinned for five minutes straight because my friends told me it would put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. It gave me a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 666

You deserved it 27 191

By stupidboss - 31/03/2016 03:23 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 467

You deserved it 1 147

By Miki - 16/12/2012 23:57 - United States - Kenner

Today, after several years spent hung up on my ex, I was finally moving on. I was on a date with my new boyfriend when my ex walked past us. He broke down crying, got on his knees, and begged me to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 513

You deserved it 4 024

By ouch - 01/09/2010 13:50 - Belgium

Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 269

You deserved it 4 176

By anonymous - 03/07/2011 04:47 - Canada

Today, it took me 5 hours to paint my deck, only to have it ruined by the neighbor's cat running all over the undry paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 723

You deserved it 3 419

By earplugsplease - 16/05/2013 16:16 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I went to visit my sister, who lives four hours away from me. I'd only just sat down on their couch when her husband told me I needed to leave so they could have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 958

You deserved it 3 573

By soo - 02/07/2015 20:25

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 197

You deserved it 1 808

By [email protected] - 03/01/2009 08:38 - France

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 619

You deserved it 8 220

By DontBeRude - 28/09/2015 04:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother felt the need to remind me not to fall in love with a fictional character. After laughing and reassuring her that I knew the difference between fiction and reality, she replied, "You know, honey, sometimes I'm not so sure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 401

You deserved it 3 835

By Tyrez - 14/08/2015 23:38 - United States - Boulder

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 791

You deserved it 1 770

By a268 - 02/02/2009 09:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 209

You deserved it 3 296

By Anonymous - 13/02/2014 15:20 - United States - Reno

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 218

You deserved it 18 965

By nearlythere - 30/09/2011 04:50 - Australia

Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 358

You deserved it 2 908

By PoorCar - 20/09/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 210

You deserved it 2 337

By Anonymous - 22/03/2017 17:00 - United States - Troy

Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 298

You deserved it 1 652

By coffee - 07/03/2013 13:44 - United States

Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 024

You deserved it 37 017

By Tokany - 28/04/2011 19:29 - Romania

Today, when I came home from work, my computer was drenched with water. My sister claimed there was smoke coming out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 044

You deserved it 2 742

Family matters

By Anonymous - 06/01/2021 08:01

Today, like every other day, my dad thinks my sister is autistic and needs therapy. He wants me to think that too. I'm pretty sure she is just introverted and hates our family. I wonder why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 65

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 03:59

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 102

By Andrew - 31/10/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 720

You deserved it 9 854

By ksztte - 27/02/2010 13:17 - United States

Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremly selfish person, and that I do not love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a backrub in 2 weeks, sleep too much and have a hormonal problem. Once again, I AM PREGNANT! FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 001

You deserved it 5 850

By Username - 23/12/2010 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 360

You deserved it 3 009

By speshlk37 - 20/08/2012 02:19 - United States

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 160

You deserved it 9 538

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 840

You deserved it 280

Woman DESTROYS her sex life with FACTS and some sort of LOGIC

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 22:59

Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how disgusting I look, I can't even touch myself, not with a vibrator, my hand or a 10-foot pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 809

By Amber - 10/01/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 087

You deserved it 3 249

By jacky tu - 16/10/2010 03:06 - United States

Today, I got grounded because I didn't go to my dog's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 034

You deserved it 7 677

By anonymous - 07/02/2012 09:27 - United States

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 230

You deserved it 2 328

By Agamar - 23/02/2016 05:00 - United States - Skokie

Today, I was so sleep deprived that while making instant oatmeal, I poured the oats into the garbage and put the empty packet in a bowl, then microwaved it for 2 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 199

You deserved it 2 665

By Anonymous - 09/08/2015 03:53 - United States

Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 696

You deserved it 2 329

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 12:49

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 244

You deserved it 2 345

This is war!

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my flat has turned into a pigsty. My flatmate decided to make the lounge his bedroom and it looks like a bomb's hit it. I haven’t been able to sleep, as he doesn’t sleep at night and talks to friends all night long or plays loud music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 72

Take care

By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 08:02

Today, after close to 10 years of marriage, my wife’s health has improved enough she is craving sex again. Just not with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 91

By swim5 - 31/03/2012 12:22 - United States - Tempe

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me because he is moving. He's only moving 20 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 439

You deserved it 3 482

By rolypoly - 05/03/2014 12:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 383

You deserved it 5 607

Don't follow by example

By scooterbyrd - 31/08/2020 02:01

Today, I found out the psychiatrist who treats me for bipolar disorder died. He committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:14 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 030

You deserved it 10 212

By incestastic - 14/08/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 083

You deserved it 3 037

Zoomers zooming

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 08:08

Today, I was blowing my husband when we heard that distinctive shutter noise, and we realised our daughter had taken a photo of us. Apparently, she meant to take a video because she knows a website where any kind of "spying on people having sex" video will earn her $50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 438

You deserved it 674

By jgw - 07/04/2017 00:00

Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 668

You deserved it 668

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Top comments

Kyothine 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 21:48

That's what you get when you think you're hot shit.

DEATHx2 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 21:48

klutz

DEATHx2 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 21:48

klutz

z620 0

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 22:01

that must have been an interesting carpool to the hospital

Snake1105 20

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Thursday 9 October 2014 22:29

You could say that again.

dwights 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 21:48

hahahhaa. GG. at least it wasnt embarrassing or anything :P

Kyothine 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 21:48

That's what you get when you think you're hot shit.

amazinggbaby 2

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Thursday 18 February 2010 3:18

So you think all girls should have low self esteem? Yeah she totally deserves it for having a confident day.

Michaelsgirl04 9

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 15:47

she shouldn't have "struck a pose" she probably just ended up looking like an idiot

Parky03 9

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Friday 9 November 2012 4:29

Being confident is good. Striking a pose is cocky.

teentee401 36

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Friday 22 August 2014 3:48

Also how do you casually strike a pose without looking awkward and unnatural.

sahreeg 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 21:49

k failed thxbai

jp11692 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 21:59

agreed with #3

Graphophobia 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 22:09

Ooh, ouch. Sometimes you can't help feeling hot, and then the Universe strikes you down for your arrogance. Hopefully he'll get you some flowers or a get well card, though. XD

TryToBeKind 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 22:10

Pride goeth before the fall, isn't that how the expression goes?

fyface 0

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Saturday 7 March 2009 22:12

aww don't you hate it when things like this happen? when you go from feeling great to feeling like shit in a matter of seconds :( im sorry, this sucks