Intimacy: Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool...

By gimmeabreak0_o - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

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Intimacy

Sorry…

Triage

Projection

By invisible - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I realized how invisible I am when our professor was showing us that he knows the names of all the students in our class. When he reached me, he just smiled at me and skipped to the person next to me. I took 3 courses with this guy yet I'm the only one he didn't know the name of. FML

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By NotMacklemore - Australia - Heidelberg

Today, I went to a thrift store and found heaps of clothes that I loved that fit me perfectly. Then I found a special distinctive dress. My dress. My dad had thrown away heaps of my clothes and I had to buy them all back. FML

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By alaskan1989 - United States

Today, I found out I have a huge infected boil on my vagina. The worst part was that I wasn't the one to discover this. My boyfriend was. FML

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By Anonymous - India - Bangalore

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I were hanging out when we thought it would be cool to set off a few fireworks. Nothing burns quite like the hair on the left side of your head. FML

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By Winx - United States

Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, things were getting heated with my boyfriend and I told him that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. Clearly he couldn't wait to get started because he fell asleep. FML

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By oktober2nd - United States - Beaverton

Today, I woke up for the first time In 5 days with relief from a debilitating migraine, only to have my arm and shoulder completely numb and a sharp pain running from my neck to my elbow. I have a pinched nerve and dislocated disk in my neck. FML

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By partygirlxxx - United States

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

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By knuckleheadknock

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

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By Bride to be - United States - Dayton

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

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By I warned him - United States - Marietta

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

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By foxytheologian

Today, I was hit by an unmanned semi truck that rolled down an embankment onto the highway. I'm fine, but the entire left side of my car is smashed in. The idiot responsible had to be dragged down the hill by the cops. Apparently, he was peeing and forgot to put the parking brake on. FML

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By Cait - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

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By alo1434 - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

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By Dandy

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

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By nonexistant - Canada

Today, while I was at a business supply store, I decided to get my old paper birth certificate laminated so it wouldn't deteriorate further. The people working decided to wait until after it was done and I had paid to tell me that laminating a birth certificate voids it. FML

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By awkward. - United States

Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML

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By Earplugged - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

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By Sammy - United States

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

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By wtf - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

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By LifeSucks - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

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38938

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By hellosir - United States

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

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By Human fly - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

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By Polmkk - United States

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Coldwater

Today, I am one year away from getting a university degree. Unfortunately, my parents just kicked me out because I wouldn't drop out and work for free at our family's gas station. I'm now broke, homeless and have no way to pay for school. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Margaret - 4/9/2020 02:02 - Canada - Toronto

Rollercoaster

Today, within the span of one day, the owner of the business I work at said I could write "Technical & Compliance Manager" on paperwork where I was the approver for engineered compliance of product regulatory records, but also that I was "basically just a secretary." FML

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1025

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By Georgia

Today, my boyfriend turned down a shower with me because he didn't want to get his hair wet. FML

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By fear - 17/12/2020 00:02 - United States - Denver

CIA-level batshittery

Today, an angry customer from my old job and punched me in the face before screaming; “You thought you’d seen the last of me?” I moved seven states over and she followed me here just to do that. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

TMI

Today, I played Call Of Duty online against someone who turned out to be wanking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML

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35926

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By secretdeo - United States

Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

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By Anonymous

Alexa, play "Confusion" by New Order

Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 08:02

That's that, then

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

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By foreveralone - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

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By JennyAndrews - United Arab Emirates

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

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15113

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By A bit cowardly?

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked his friend to propose to me for him, because he was too nervous to do it himself. FML

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Top comments

By nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1035196 - Friday 18 June 2010 18:15

"Hulk is ANGRY, AGHHHHH--OW!!"

By jennasayhella | 3

#1034995 - Friday 18 June 2010 16:23

that sucks ass ...maybe it's. sign from god to leave it on

COMMENTS

By marinus_fml | 19

#1034983 - Friday 18 June 2010 16:21

hahah fyl indeed man!

By kaylabeanx | 1

#1034985 - Friday 18 June 2010 16:21

LOL
Think next time.

marinus_fml | 19

#1035027 - Friday 18 June 2010 16:33

to be honest I recon he did think it through. hence 'i thought it would be cool...' I think the problem was in the execution hahah. why rip a good shirt anyways right?

sourgirl101 | 28

#1035120 - Friday 18 June 2010 17:19

So are you saying you didn't rip off a shirt before taking that picture? lol
Maybe the op ripped off a thin nasty wife beater. Some shirts need to be destroyed. What better way than fooling around with someone you love?