Today, I took a trip to Wal-Mart. There's a car wash that they... - FML

By dave - United States

Today, I took a trip to Wal-Mart. There's a car wash that they conveniently built right outside of this Wal-Mart. So as I was leaving, I decided to make use of this car wash, not even thinking about the $200 worth of groceries I had just purchased. I drive a pick-up truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9705

You deserved it

68322

Tweet

Share

The opposite of a good idea

Time don't heal nothing

Persona non grata

By middleagednurse

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1519

You deserved it

3732

Tweet

Share

By Confused

Today, I woke up 2 hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9447

You deserved it

615

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was thinking about how people say if you're gradually introduced to a smell or you're forced to deal with enough, you'll stop noticing it. And how untrue that is. Especially when your roommates sneak a dead rabbit under your bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43308

You deserved it

2860

Tweet

Share

By jasminejzhu - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46902

You deserved it

11644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Huron

Misogynistic and insensitive. Great.

Today, I told my boyfriend how my mom passed away when I was 11 after crashing her car into a tree at night. He muttered, "Women drivers." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4793

You deserved it

416

Tweet

Share

By qhu - United States

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9978

You deserved it

37100

Tweet

Share

By littlemiss - Canada - Whitby

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38485

You deserved it

3028

Tweet

Share

By kcd - United States

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13825

You deserved it

57074

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/6/2020 08:08

Keep schtum

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Last week my coworker, who I sit next to 5 days a week, returned to work after bereavement maternity leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1431

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34840

You deserved it

5595

Tweet

Share

By imsad - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35651

You deserved it

2582

Tweet

Share

By Kitten

Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3263

You deserved it

146

Tweet

Share

By notsomuch - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend's attempt to win me back involved standing at the bottom of my apartment building with two airhorns, blasting them and shouting. And for some reason, singing "Sweet Caroline", even though that's not my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30669

You deserved it

3922

Tweet

Share

By nana. - Canada

Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9441

You deserved it

72890

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/7/2020 05:01

Move it, now!

Today, I had just gotten out of the bath when a police officer knocked on my door. I answered in my towel, and he told me I had to leave due to a bomb scare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1391

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9096

You deserved it

68048

Tweet

Share

By bakergirl - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28920

You deserved it

3962

Tweet

Share

By LonerCow - United States

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41514

You deserved it

11586

Tweet

Share

By iamamermaid - United States - Hemet

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31935

You deserved it

4761

Tweet

Share

By Cress

Today, my dad asked what I wanted for my birthday. The only thing I wanted was the complete series of Dragon Ball Z on DVD. He just sighed, shook his head, and asked me to pick something normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4203

You deserved it

1952

Tweet

Share

By ewww - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my friends, when a creepy man sat at the table next to us, and started rubbing his crotch, his gaze never leaving my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41770

You deserved it

4187

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a flat tire. The spare was also flat, so I had no other choice but to walk home. I got to my house and realized I'd left the front door key and garage clicker in my car 5 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23361

You deserved it

10163

Tweet

Share

By verno02 - Canada

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He is the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35929

You deserved it

8755

Tweet

Share

By phlyingphuck - United States

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45541

You deserved it

7851

Tweet

Share

By nomail - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the management office of my apartment building announced it will be keeping packages in the office until you can pick them up. They also posted new hours. There will be someone in the office once a week, for two hours only. I work those two hours, every single week. No more mail for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12599

You deserved it

842

Tweet

Share

By crapcrapcrap - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a guy I really like. He completely ignored me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30034

You deserved it

4751

Tweet

Share

By artclasstrauma - United States

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44085

You deserved it

7753

Tweet

Share

By LexS12

Today, at the age of 21, I've been diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. There goes my volleyball career. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5564

You deserved it

373

Tweet

Share

By ...

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2112

You deserved it

710

Tweet

Share

By ~__~

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30522

You deserved it

2431

Tweet

Share

By AlphaKappa

Today, my work is doing a legal investigation about whether they can avoid paying me maternity benefit. According to my sleazy boss, "You notified us too late." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3867

You deserved it

267

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Bruno

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34325

You deserved it

4346

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I heard water splashing outside of my house; I investigated it, only to find my dad, whom I don't live with, syphoning gas out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39986

You deserved it

2960

Tweet

Share

By LadyChristina25 - United States

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34497

You deserved it

81591

Tweet

Share

By soupduped - United States

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16796

You deserved it

38202

Tweet

Share

By Emily - France

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night... It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41754

You deserved it

7220

Tweet

Share

By Elmo - United States

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73597

You deserved it

4069

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my 8 year old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party. I reluctantly was forced into playing one game. Apparently, no one explained the rules to one child and instead of 'shooting' me with his laser pointer, he kicked me straight in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32209

You deserved it

3466

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

266591

You deserved it

28407

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40536

You deserved it

8042

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Darthbane2007 | 15

#641664 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:27

Dumbass. YDI.

By Simoxd | 0

#641711 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:52

At least vegetables are now clean.

COMMENTS

By Ekh0es | 36

#641662 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:27

That really sucks.

By Darthbane2007 | 15

#641664 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:27

Dumbass. YDI.

Reply

NeonBlue | 0

#993875 - Saturday 15 May 2010 6:37

Agreed. Paper or plastic?

Reply

ajp156 | 1

#1009248 - Thursday 27 May 2010 8:32

unless u really didn't have room in the cab of the truck, y would u ever put fucking groceries in the bed of the truck? or atleast have the tynol cover on it? that would have helped....shoulda thought first dumbass

Reply

edogy | 0

#2907251 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:14

HOLLLLLLAAAAAYYYYYY FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
I WOULD FUCKING DIE

Reply

Shy_Anne | 10

#5651783 - Saturday 31 August 2013 8:48

OP totally deserves it

By lebrockshard | 10

#641680 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:34

YDI...idiot!!

By Butterbuns | 1

#641685 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:37

....this would be worse if most stuff wasn't sealed in plastic and shit, even if it's in cardboard. So really, unless you were buying a lot of unpackaged stuff or something, I don't see a huge issue.

By lillyass | 0

#641686 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:37

moron

By Jcat_fml | 0

#641694 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:41

At least you didn't buy a tv or something. Or even any electronics. Then the # would have been higher. Next time think....

By Maxine17 | 8

#641695 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:42

This is one of the few FMLs recently published that made me laugh

By perdix | 29

#641700 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:45

I'm very relieved you didn't tell us what state you are in. Texas has been taking a beating today and pick-up trucks and Wal-mart are very popular here.

Reply

Halti | 4

#4663147 - Sunday 8 July 2012 6:08

legend

By Simoxd | 0

#641711 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:52

At least vegetables are now clean.

By lrb081 | 0

#641718 - Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:55

LOL!!