Transportation: Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at...

By whoops - United States

Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at the grocery store. I purchased $200 in groceries and went to put them in my car. I then realized I drove my motorcycle today. FML

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Transportation

Poisoned chalice

Broken bum

Surprise strike

By Loser - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

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By tehaustiebear - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to play Twister. Her parents watched us the whole time, making sure we didn't touch. FML

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By mintypoison - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

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By ljennette25 - United States - Princeton

Today, I started a new job as a school bus driver. I was sent on the hardest route in the area, and not 5 minutes in I came across a broke down truck in the middle of the road. I was stuck behind him for over an hour with a bus full of elementary school kids. FML

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By kinkyapparently - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over a dog toy. Instead of telling the doctors what happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

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By KBBL - Canada - Edmonton

Today, at a staff meeting, our boss sighed and asked why I'm always in the meetings instead of my co-worker. I reminded him that it's because I'm the department supervisor, not my co-worker. He wouldn't believe me until he saw it for himself in our personnel files. FML

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By WalkTheOtherWay - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

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By DIY560 - United States - Ambler

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

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By brigitte - France - Noyon

Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML

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By tired of my job - Canada - Surrey

Today, I was at work, stocking shelves. A customer got mad because I was in the way of her "shopping time" and knocked down all the work I had done. FML

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By vishurricanes - United States

Today, I was on the bus when my crush told me to come and sit with him. I got all excited, especially when he put his arm around me. He then whispered in my ear "Hey, is your friend over there single?" FML

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By shitttyyyday - United States

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

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By Who1s269 - United States

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

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By Cacahuete - France - Villejuif

Today, a DJ friend of mine offered me a part in one of his tracks. I was flattered, and accepted. All I ended up singing was, "I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" over and over again in the background. FML

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By farhia97 - United States

Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML

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By Chansus10 - United States - Greendale

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

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By MoRuined - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found my first grey hair. How? My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to point it out. FML

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By fatnick - United States

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

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24915

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By elle - United States - Round Lake

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know... every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

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By Anonymous - Croatia - Rijeka

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

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By notcountry!

Today, even though my mom’s only ever been to the south once, she’s completely obsessed with talking with a bad, overly exaggerated southern accent. Not to mention constantly prattling off random nonsensical country phrases. We’re from and still live in California, nowhere near any country. FML

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By NoMoreHeadphones - United States

Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML

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By liver - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

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By oops

My chocolate

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

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By corn - United Kingdom

Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 20:04

Midlife crisis

Today, the woman I've been dating for a while told me she wants to, "go back to day one of the relationship and just be friends first," but doesn’t want to break up or lose me, all because she’s having a midlife crisis. I was going to propose to her next month, I've already bought the ring. FML

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By Mondo - United States

Today, an old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37-year-old man. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, a couple asked me to donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

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By i_am_forever - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter was putting clothes in the drier when she yelled, "Mom!! The drier won't start!" I had to explain to her that the door needed to be shut. Her response, "Oh. I didn't know that mattered." She's 15. FML

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By ana9 - France

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

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By fmyhabit - United States

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

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By London - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML

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By Deadcat101 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

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28935

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML

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By Unknown - France

Today, I have blue lips because of a guy whose face I don't even remember didn't know the difference between kissing and sucking. FML

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By muscalata

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

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Top comments

By rachel13_fml | 0

#103699 - Sunday 12 April 2009 3:07

HOW DO YOU FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

By some1outthere | 0

#103716 - Sunday 12 April 2009 3:03

LOL at #3. Anyway, how the hell do you forget what you were driving?

COMMENTS

By killface_fml | 0

#103671 - Sunday 12 April 2009 2:53

Good job.

xocutexofunnyxo | 5

#3019852 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:01

GREAT job.

By Ptvlover | 0

#103673 - Sunday 12 April 2009 2:51

Omg. Exhilarating

keetlover | 0

#1240026 - Saturday 14 August 2010 9:31

just eat all the groceries there, than poop it out when you get home! I know I am brilliant!

Yes_Im_Beast | 0

#2765965 - Monday 27 June 2011 1:12

^^LOL(:

By Katers22 | 0

#103681 - Sunday 12 April 2009 2:54

That's not even an FML... that's just a... wow, how stupid! So... WHS.

By Scribble | 0

#103687 - Sunday 12 April 2009 2:54

first

brokenbitch13 | 0

#1646785 - Thursday 4 November 2010 1:03

fail.

MwahFMLS | 6

#3333142 - Friday 23 September 2011 12:54

4th.

By k_li | 0

#103697 - Sunday 12 April 2009 3:00

LOL, thats what you get for trying to be cool.

YesyDidWhat | 0

#4514608 - Sunday 3 June 2012 4:55

k_li
Your an idiot! it's not his fault he forgot, people make mistakes.

PenguinBitch | 43

#5475659 - Thursday 2 May 2013 21:13

5-how?

By rachel13_fml | 0

#103699 - Sunday 12 April 2009 3:07

HOW DO YOU FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

By Scribble | 0

#103701 - Sunday 12 April 2009 3:01

first

B47m4n | 0

#3079739 - Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:36

fail...

By some1outthere | 0

#103716 - Sunday 12 April 2009 3:03

LOL at #3. Anyway, how the hell do you forget what you were driving?

By PeteythePENGUIN | 0

#103726 - Sunday 12 April 2009 3:05

um fake?

By king15 | 0

#103747 - Sunday 12 April 2009 3:08

CONGRATS! your officially retarded

bgibbz | 15

#3961536 - Sunday 29 January 2012 15:41

*You're

YesyDidWhat | 0

#4514613 - Sunday 3 June 2012 4:56

And your officially a jerk!

SenselessPattern | 12

#4893818 - Tuesday 4 September 2012 6:01

Still you're*. The hell am I doing posting on this old FML.

theluckyones | 10

#4912550 - Sunday 9 September 2012 19:10

Lol correcting someone's grammar from months ago.. Way to go!