Miscellaneous: Today, I took a picture of myself seductively eating an apple....

By Rochelle - 25/07/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself seductively eating an apple. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 099

You deserved it 29 249

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Same thing different taste

By moonlight77 - 11/01/2019 14:00

Today, I deliberately snapped a pic of myself and edited it to add to my story, in order to make my ex think I have a life on a Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 2 196

By Bonapp - 09/02/2012 22:11 - France

Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 564

You deserved it 9 805

By sarah - 18/04/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 042

You deserved it 10 995

Fight Club

By Nose bleed - 16/04/2014 02:48 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 307

You deserved it 7 808

By Anonymous - 25/12/2014 21:00 - United States

Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 125

You deserved it 2 616

Got away with it, surely?

By Cinnanyan - 02/06/2016 10:20 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 767

You deserved it 2 613

By Lifeless - 15/08/2010 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 628

You deserved it 33 650

By sunshine19217 - 18/01/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 513

You deserved it 8 699

By a_B_c_D_e_F_g - 27/06/2009 14:29 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 085

You deserved it 7 593

By EmbarrassedChild - 30/07/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 377

You deserved it 1 920

ScaughtieHolden 11

Wednesday 25 July 2012 16:01

You're supposed to use a banana.

ebonyirony 29

Wednesday 25 July 2012 15:58

Ohhh yeah. Red....delicious.

Comments

AllMyNope 10

Wednesday 25 July 2012 19:13

Let's just hope a worm doesn't decide to join you.

Leslier_fml 4

Wednesday 25 July 2012 19:18

Maybe you should become a photographer then.

starprincess49 0

Wednesday 25 July 2012 19:31

No. Only Draco.

tatteduplette 8

Wednesday 25 July 2012 20:00

hold onto your tongue & say apple. there's a secret message in this post.

s0ulslack 20

Wednesday 25 July 2012 20:05

too much chat roulette?

mrkck 0

Wednesday 25 July 2012 20:26

Apples always look good when being eaten in a seductive manner.

gingergiggles 4

Wednesday 25 July 2012 20:29

If your Tom Felton, your shipping Drapple.

kemando 22

Wednesday 25 July 2012 21:05

Who needs a life when you have SWAG?

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Wednesday 25 July 2012 21:24

NO.

cordelay98 10

Wednesday 25 July 2012 21:59

swag and yolo are the most useless and stupid things ever

Pandacupcakelove 26

Wednesday 25 July 2012 22:32

Swag stands for "Secretly We Are Gay". True story.

AidenSurvival 7

Wednesday 25 July 2012 21:44

Do what I do: Write. Goes to show you what kids will put in their mouths these days.

zombiesdkdjdjf 1

Wednesday 25 July 2012 22:43

You amazing haha

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was sick during the night and had to puke. I had no bucket or trashcan nearby, so I ended up puking on the floor. However, because it was so dark, I didn't notice my cat lying in the exact spot where I puked. She was not amused, giving me the mother of all death glares before she started puking herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 104

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 050

You deserved it 4 457

The Top

Today, I have had 4 nosebleeds. Four of them, full-on, almost passing out nosebleeds. It's only noon. I think I need to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 578

You deserved it 218

Today, I had a dream in which I was throwing up. Turns out it wasn’t a dream and I woke up to puke all over the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 109

Today, I took part in a karaoke night, and confidently chose "Man in The Mirror" by Michael Jackson, but forgot that the song has a key change. My attempt to hit the high note sounded like a cat being stepped on. I didn't survive the embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 422

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 304

You deserved it 7 775

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 355

You deserved it 9 717

Today, an ultrasound tech complimented me on my "exceptionally full bladder." That's probably the best compliment I've received this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 110

You deserved it 2 381

Same thing different taste

Fight Club

Got away with it, surely?

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