Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

Classy

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying, "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML

Non sequitur

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, "I wish you liked anal." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said, "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

Today, my boyfriend wanted to tell me how much he loves me. He said a lot of wonderful things, such as not being able to live without me and hoping that I would want to live with him and marry him someday. He ended his loving speech with his ex-girlfriend's name instead of mine. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML