Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair...

By bojangles - 28/2/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

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Love

Long story short

Ghosted

Tidy your room

By peepants - 4/6/2019 14:00

Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2016 19:46

Today, I got yelled at for not taking an order correctly at work. I've been washing dishes all day and haven't taken a single order. FML

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By Bassackward - 25/8/2016 05:53

Today, I decided to pop the question to my beloved. Perfect lighting, fresh cut roses, a fancy dinner. The restaurant was in on it too. Shame they brought out the wedding-themed congratulations dessert before I actually went down on my knee. FML

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By hobosarea-holes - 14/8/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

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By Username - 28/6/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

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By - 7/12/2018 07:30 - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML

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By nevergoingonabusagain - 30/5/2009 06:52 - Canada

Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed that a creepy guy sitting in front of me had a boner, so I took a few steps back. Suddenly the bus went through something like a speed bump, which caused me to fall and sit on the man's lap. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML

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By wahhh - 8/8/2011 11:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my neighbor from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2019 16:15

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2016 01:36 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

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By perfect - 4/2/2013 20:47 - Canada - Whitby

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

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By joe - 19/11/2012 03:13 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML

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By John_Elvis - 9/4/2016 03:30 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

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By NotAModel - 30/4/2012 15:50 - United States

Today, after putting an ad on Craigslist to sell a coat, I finally got a call. The guy on the phone seemed interested, and was especially curious to know if I could "model" it for him, in "stockings and suspenders." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2019 00:17

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

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By mississippi123 - 6/8/2012 05:41 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

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By LonelySanta - 24/12/2009 08:18 - Australia

Today, I went home, where I live alone, from my dorm room at my university. The only Christmas cards I had received were addressed to the person that lived there before me. FML

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By trashed - 30/3/2017 03:00 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I painted the guest bathroom. Once finished, I noticed the paint splatters on my arms matched my lily white chalky skin. Paint matches me better than my makeup. Guess I need a different paint, and new make up. FML

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By Bobby M - 16/5/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

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By Screwupify - 6/8/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

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By australian6196 - 5/2/2014 02:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2016 20:23 - United States

Today, I met a girl who was just as socially anxious as me. We spent the whole night staring at each other, then quickly looking away when the other person saw. FML

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By Iahim - 25/1/2020 14:00

The truth

Today, I tried to prank my girlfriend, I said “I saw you kissing another guy!” She apologized! ...FML

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By notthedad - 15/3/2011 15:50 - China

Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML

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By ohhhgross - 26/10/2009 18:32 - Singapore

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2015 12:36 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

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By Jessi - 21/7/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband was trying to cheat on me while I was away at basic training. I signed up for the service to pay off his debt. FML

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By sonwhy - 25/2/2014 00:51 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I found out that my son set up a telescope in the attic not so he could study astronomy like he told me, but so he could spy on the girl across the street. FML

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By bregaja - 25/2/2016 18:59 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML

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By anonymous - 28/7/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

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By gbhlaughingstock - 18/8/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

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By DAMMit - 27/7/2009 08:12 - Australia

Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2019 02:00

Today, I noticed a spot on my leg that I wanted a closer look at. I went to put my phone screen towards it for more lighting while my sister was in front of me, looking. I'm pretty sure she saw my nude that I forgot was on the screen. FML

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By Catscratch - 1/9/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

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By atleasthelocalsarenice - 4/3/2017 12:00

Today, while camping alone in an isolated area, I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a fellow camper, who then offered me a crayfish and a romantic beach walk as a way of flirtation. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 23:00

Dream baby dream

Today, I woke up to my father sobbing his eyes out in the kitchen. Apparently, I screamed, "DON'T TELL THEM I'M PREGNANT!" in my sleep last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2019 20:30

Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML

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Top comments

By you_suck | 0

#9218 - Saturday 28 February 2009 12:01

I wouldn't shave just for some bitch

By Abnegate | 0

#9232 - Saturday 28 February 2009 12:48

Maybe if you'd showed a little tact, he'd have spared your feelings.

Comments

By you_suck | 0

#9218 - Saturday 28 February 2009 12:01

I wouldn't shave just for some bitch

By 0___0 | 9

#9223 - Saturday 28 February 2009 12:09

lol
I agree with #3
i'm glad i'm not a hairy person lol
AND A GIRL 0-0

By jSOPURE | 3

#9226 - Saturday 28 February 2009 12:21

Under your nose should do the trick.

;)

By Abnegate | 0

#9232 - Saturday 28 February 2009 12:48

Maybe if you'd showed a little tact, he'd have spared your feelings.

reallytho3 | 11

#3055148 - Sunday 7 August 2011 3:29

Op was put on BLAST lol

By King_of_Kings | 3

#9234 - Saturday 28 February 2009 12:51

i think its time to go to the salon and get your upper lip waxed.

By suyci | 0

#9236 - Saturday 28 February 2009 13:05

he just doesnt dare to shave.. xD

By yougotboyed | 0

#9264 - Saturday 28 February 2009 15:16

you had it coming

By thebaroness1984 | 0

#9269 - Saturday 28 February 2009 15:27

Why is everyone so mean to her? I don't like facial hair either, and sometimes I tell my boyfriends I don't like it. What's the big deal?

Symmetry88 | 0

#3513868 - Sunday 30 October 2011 17:37

Boyfriends? More then one? Wow....
JK!
My boyfriend shaves everyday because I hate facial hair!

Nederlander95 | 14

#5790380 - Friday 13 December 2013 5:11

She has facial hair...

By fgsfds | 3

#9274 - Saturday 28 February 2009 15:43

Agree with Number 7.

By jsryan25 | 0

#9276 - Saturday 28 February 2009 15:53

girl u need to get your shave on 1st, don't be a hip-a-crit

OBTrice | 15

#5953561 - Friday 23 May 2014 1:42

*Hypocrite