Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML

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Our house, in the middle of our street

Taking stock

Tidy your room

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend admitted that on his last visit, he snuck into the laundry and stole a lacy black thong he assumed was mine. It wasn't. It was my dad's. FML

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By 613tanner

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told I look like Susan Boyle. FML

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By Cultus

Today, I went into the tanning room at work, where the lady in there last had decided the trash can was a toilet and pooped in it. Before she sat, she took the time to wrap the edges in paper towels, I guess in case anyone else had done this before her. I had to clean it up. FML

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By Motorless

Today, after months of riding a bike through the rain, I finally saved up enough for a car. It was a little aged, but ran fine. That is, until a tire blew out, the engine stalled, and the battery died within one week. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML

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By Hello - United States

Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML

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By moosemay - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

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By skygardens

Today, I had just gotten home after being away for 8 months. My key didn’t work on my lock and while I was messing the door a man with a child opened. My landlord gave someone my apartment while I was away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

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By soon to be divorced - United States

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

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By NYMTS - Australia

Today, I had to make a deal with my 22 year old fiancé. What was the deal? If he put deodorant on, he could squeeze my boob for as long as he liked. FML

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By Very Divorced - United States - San Antonio

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is cheating on me with not one, not two, but nine girls. How he did it, I don't even know. How I found out? I was coming into my room to surprise him for his birthday and saw him having a threesome. We have kids. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

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By Silbax1 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I overheard my co-workers talking about how they don't need flu shots because everyone else gets them. These people are in the medical industry. FML

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By dave - United States

Today, I took a trip to Wal-Mart. There's a car wash that they conveniently built right outside of this Wal-Mart. So as I was leaving, I decided to make use of this car wash, not even thinking about the $200 worth of groceries I had just purchased. I drive a pick-up truck. FML

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By sadface - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

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By Haggis300 - Australia

Today, my best friend went to my boss and offered to do my job for half the pay. FML

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By EpicFailAtItsFinest - United States

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

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By reconnect - United States

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

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By tkrause - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

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By janae

Today, I discovered that I am pregnant. I questioned my boyfriend and he admitted to not using a condom because he thought we were just doing "practice sex". FML

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By peepee. - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

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By HousekeeperNoMore - United States

Today, after being a stay-at-home mom and picking up after my kids for the past 15 years, I got a job rejection letter saying I wasn't qualified. It was a housekeeping position. FML

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By crazygirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML

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By chloe_zjk - France

Today, I'm an intern working in a company's reception area, which happens to have a coffee dispenser. As I'm the new girl, every client getting coffee wants to buy me one. I'm too polite to say no. It's 10:26 AM, and I'm on cup #17. FML

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By Tee - France

Today, I got locked inside my office again by my co-workers because they had forgotten I was still around when they left. This happens 1 or 2 times a week. FML

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By Sue Ellen - United States - Providence

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

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By Lil_bit - France

Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

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By honutattoo - United States

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

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By ChinaWillOwnUs

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2021 22:00

Told you so

Today, my wife is leaving me for the guy she told me not to worry about, who is also her ex. FML

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By he's mine - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, I found my sister's wedding book. Inside it was a list of potential grooms; she'd written down all of my ex-boyfriends. And my fiancé. We're getting married in three weeks. FML

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By deserted - France

Today, I was going to meet my friend at a concert. I got there before her, so I went in to check out the local bands that were playing before the headliner. When she got there, I went just outside the building to give her a ticket. The security guards wouldn't let me back in. She went in anyway. FML

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By hatetodisappoint - United States

Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML

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By weswithaute - Australia

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7835283 - Wednesday 21 August 2019 22:25

Please refrain from reproducing.

Thanks in advance.

Signed,
The Gene Pool

By Seeya55 | 31

#7835297 - Wednesday 21 August 2019 23:27

Don't use your relationship as a bargaining chip for stupid shit. Communicate. Honestly, Just stop playing or playing with him. Don't talk to him about it, let him lose any fun he had playing with you because you walked away from it.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7835283 - Wednesday 21 August 2019 22:25

Please refrain from reproducing.

Thanks in advance.

Signed,
The Gene Pool

By Seeya55 | 31

#7835297 - Wednesday 21 August 2019 23:27

Don't use your relationship as a bargaining chip for stupid shit. Communicate. Honestly, Just stop playing or playing with him. Don't talk to him about it, let him lose any fun he had playing with you because you walked away from it.

By 123Puppy | 31

#7835306 - Wednesday 21 August 2019 23:47

You sound really immature...

By acmariner99 | 25

#7835339 - Thursday 22 August 2019 2:59

Both of you need to grow up.

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7835370 - Thursday 22 August 2019 7:04

Not really something which affects your life which is outside of your control. Maybe grow up a little and get some perspective?

By smartjaguargurl | 17

#7835553 - Thursday 22 August 2019 20:15

If you were jokingly threatening whatever, but if you were serious you should probably reevaluate your priorities

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7838168 - Friday 30 August 2019 1:40

Hopefully he broke up with you.