Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, hanging out with him and his mom. I had to do a number two. A while later, we hear his mom in the washroom. She had turned on the bathtub and was flushing the toilet. A lot. Later on, my boyfriend leaves the room and she says, “Did you make that mess in the toilet?” FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML
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Top comments
lindseylindsey39 0
Hahah I do that all the time.
rukusrazor 0
Eww, stall call.
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Comments (194)
kwbuzz23wk 0
this is not a billboard 18. shut up
tko 0
#11--while not precisely clear, it wasn't that difficult to figure out what she was talking about, and if it took you "a long time" then there is a high chance you may be ******* retarded (not mentally retarded, just plain ******* stupid)
waxstigmata 0
i hope you weren't taking a poop, but seriously who does that? thats the grossest things anyone could do, i don't want to hear someone dumping on the other side of the phone while we're having a conversation, in fact i don't want to hear them pee either! i agree with him: EW!
NorfolkDude 2
I was in the bathroom the other day and this dude in the next stall was talking on the cell. I decided to bring out my cell too and have an intense convo. I was like, "Hey! I'm taking a crap in the bathroom right now and figured, why don't I talk on the cell phone. So here I am, talking on the cell meanwhile dude next to me talking on the cell taking a crap too. What a glorious day it is today, me speaking on the cell phone while taking a crap. Geez, you'd think we'd think it all then now I'm sitting here taking a crap in the bathroom. Yeah!!!!"
tko 0
#24--THATS the grossest thing anyone could do???!?!? obviously you've never seen "2 girls 1 cup" lol
waxstigmata 0
26: i'm not talking about cyber space, anything goes there, i'm talking about everyday reality, clam down...
waxstigmata 0
go away double post...
rukusrazor 0
#18 (AskMeAnything) - I've got a question for you? Where the **** do you get off? Don't you have a youtube video to spam advertise? Please FML staff, help this person DIAF. K THNX BAI.
americayay 0
Um, obviously if she's only saying he, she must mean "He", as in God. Kidding. I just didn't have any trouble understanding this. I'm not sure why I think this is gross, but admittedly, I do. It's not like they can hear it (hopefully you'd hang up, were it audible) or see it or smell it. I always think "Ew" when I hear someone in a stall next to me on the phone. When my husband and I first moved in together, I used to run the shower while I went to the bathroom and then would actually take a shower, that way he would just think I took REALLY long showers and NEVER excreted waste.
tko 0
#28-- see the "lol" at the end of my post? twas a joke...chillax