Love: Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until...

By Rollymouth - 02/09/2010 01:26 - France

Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until I was home that I realised I had some remains of the sausage roll I ate an hour earlier spread all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 783

You deserved it 8 404

Love

Broken heart

Late term

Nostalgia goggles

By NOKHAN - 25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 008

You deserved it 7 219

By brokeforever - 18/03/2015 22:23 - Latvia - Riga

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 535

You deserved it 12 259

Lightweight

By Sorry babe - 29/11/2020 08:02 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 197

By tracey - 19/10/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 011

You deserved it 17 687

By Radgirl - 28/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 334

You deserved it 58 407

By Bonnie and Clyde - 08/05/2015 02:18 - United States - Humble

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 770

You deserved it 9 198

By bacon lovers worst nightmare - 26/09/2012 06:57 - United States - San Diego

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 061

You deserved it 5 845

"I Raised a Sociopath"

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 02:03

Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 034

You deserved it 253

By notautistic - 26/09/2014 01:15 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, marks yet again another day that I've been asked if I'm autistic. No, that's just my Korean accent. Apparently I look "too white" to have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 630

You deserved it 2 725

By HistoryFreak - 01/02/2013 09:19 - France

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 463

You deserved it 9 731

By anonymous - 30/01/2010 00:08 - France

Today, I told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. He thought it would be funny to tell her I was going to propose to her that night. She showed up telling me how much she loves me and that when we get married how great it will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 040

You deserved it 7 075

By Anonymous - 06/11/2011 21:05 - United Kingdom

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 320

You deserved it 5 577

By zlotytarasy - 14/10/2009 22:03 - Poland

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 864

You deserved it 3 522

By NotTheMomma - 22/07/2016 14:06

Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation daily in an effort to get pregnant. My husband has only had one task during the entire process, and after hours of gaming, he says he's just too tired to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 557

You deserved it 1 899

By Anonymous - 27/09/2016 21:29 - United States - Fairfield

Today, two months into my new marketing job, I presented my first webinar live to over 300 people. Half the audience complained about the horrible sound quality, saying all they could hear was a Mickey Mouse squeaky sound. Turns out it wasn't the sound quality, it was my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 335

You deserved it 995

Bathroom break

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 02:31 - United States

Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 303

You deserved it 8 221

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 16:59

Today, my mom asked me what I did with the first paycheck from my first "big girl" job. I told her I paid down my credit debt like a responsible adult. She rolled her eyes and said she was disappointed in me for not treating myself. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 78

By Anonymous - 17/12/2011 07:47

Today, I found out the hard way what it sounds like when you take the first letter of my first name, A, and put it with my last name, Hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 656

You deserved it 3 876

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 15:00

Today, accustomed to dealing with my old car's faulty accelerator, I pressed the pedal way too hard in my new car and crashed into a pillar, totaling the engine and giving myself a concussion. I could still see the dealership down the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 485

You deserved it 4 117

Streaky

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 02:00

Today, my 3 year-old saw the stretch marks on my stomach and proudly exclaimed, "Bacon!" After talking with my husband, he admitted that he agreed with our son's evaluation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 120

By freshman - 25/03/2011 23:05 - Canada

Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted music and screamed at the top of my lungs so it sounded like I was having a party. My residence manager slapped me with a noise violation, and demanded to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain why I was by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 145

You deserved it 60 026

Thanks for the support!

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 211

By ashleylynn17 - 25/02/2014 21:59

Today, I was told I pull the "whole grunge look" off quite well. I don't dress "grunge", nor was that my intention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 411

You deserved it 5 395

By brittholzworth - 27/06/2019 20:00

Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 701

By thatsnice - 09/12/2014 21:19 - United States - Warwick

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 026

You deserved it 4 256

Targeted

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 10:01 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, the neighbor's dog has been barking for over 5 hours. It is barking directly at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 88

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 92

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 09:37 - Australia

Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 384

You deserved it 3 830

By Chels - 24/05/2019 04:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral, and he got so into it that he grabbed my hair. Just as he was about to climax, he pulled my hair so hard that my extensions came out. I jerked back and hit my head on the wall behind me. He then came in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 520

Does this smell weird?

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 15:05 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I found out that the shampoo I’ve been using has yogurt in, following a prank my boyfriend did. Turns out he forgot about it and I’ve been using it for 5 days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 108

By P4ntless - 26/10/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 547

You deserved it 41 258

By isuckatlyfe - 20/09/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 842

You deserved it 5 792

By Vomit - 17/12/2018 05:00

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 307

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 09/04/2011 18:37 - United States

Today, I had to call AAA because not only did I lock my keys in the car, I also locked in my toddlers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 237

You deserved it 47 532

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 08:14 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I like recommended I buy this computer game. Wanting to impress him, I agreed. Turns out it was a joke. I am now the proud owner of Microsoft Train Simulator 2005, and he can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 640

You deserved it 37 220

Trawling

By Adil Ilahi - 05/06/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Keighley

Today, my friends yet again told me to hop on Tinder and other dating sites, saying how easy it is to match up, and I keep telling them I will soon. In reality, I've been on them for weeks, without a match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 799

You deserved it 302

By gangstalicious - 08/05/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I got the cell phone bill for my family and saw that my son had gone over his limit by around 1,000 messages. Curious to see what he was talking about that much, I read the messages. Apparently, my 15 year old son is having it off more than me and my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 225

You deserved it 13 534

By Noname - 26/02/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 944

You deserved it 9 120

Cursed lake

By TabbyCat87 - 18/10/2019 16:00

Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 129

By areyoukiddingme - 02/11/2015 05:54 - United States - Marion

Today, my roommate blocked my phone number and won't speak to me. All because I mistakenly used her hand soap, thinking it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 978

You deserved it 2 166

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Top comments

Freeze_fml 16

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:05

His sausage roll will be there next.

AudaciouslyInsan 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:07

Ooooooh, that really sucks. I hate it when you have something stuck in your teeth and you don't notice until after you've talked to a lot of people. FYL, OP. You'll live though

KarmaH8sBelinda 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:05

lol

PurplePigeon 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:07

It wasn't really "lol" worthy...but whatever. OP: ALWAYS check your teeth after you eat. It's when you don't that sausage roll(sounds gross) gets all up on your grill.

turtlemansam 6

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:17

Well, maybe she didn't notice, unless you made out or sumthin. Yeah she probly noticed.

XuniqueX 7

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:26

YDI for sounding like a cartoon character

guiltypleasure12 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:37

just tell him you were practicing your sausage eating skills, he'll be sure to like you then

FyourLIFEdotCOM8 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:38

is the op guy or girl? and maybe they didn't notice.

musicmaniac925 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:57

20 win of the day!!!! lol

PimpdaddyCJT 13

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Thursday 2 September 2010 13:04

get that Wiener out your mouth and his in then he won't be your crush he will LOVE you :P

Sportsfan86 3

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Thursday 2 September 2010 15:05

#1 you sound like an idiot. but anyways, OP, this is not an FML because you embarrassed yourself infront of your crush. Your life does not suck. You deserved it for thinking it's an FML.

MarkSeattle 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 17:48

I'd say stop eating sausage rolls fatty! but you're in France so maybe you aren't fat like most of the sausage roll eating Germans and Americans, lol. so I give up ;)

bigredmonkeybutt 25

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Thursday 2 September 2010 18:25

Ewww man. Homer walked around for 3days with a piece of chicken on his face. It wasn't a small piece either--it was a whole chicken wing.

UziTopete 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 20:24

big deal. if she talked to you for a whole half an hour then she obviously has some interest in you.

BakNBitz 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 4:31

No #5... the sausage roll is his grill

OwN3d3d 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 8:27

ydi for not brushin ur teeth or ydi even more if ur like my friend who brushes his teeth before he eats breakfast

itsybitsyspider 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 8:43

wellllll, when I read this I thought of "penis breath." then I giggled for abit and decided to say : FYL :)

Pimpshine99 0

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Sunday 5 September 2010 2:45

il show you a sausage roll *drops pants*

Freeze_fml 16

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:05

His sausage roll will be there next.

unidentified_sta 5

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:24

I didn't see anything that implied OP was male... But maybe that is just how he rolls with sausage

guiltypleasure12 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:40

yes always practice with things on a larger scale so when the real deal comes you will be able to handle the miniature

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Thursday 2 September 2010 12:33

14, I think you missunderstood Freeze's comment.

xStiina 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:07

haha..

AudaciouslyInsan 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:07

Ooooooh, that really sucks. I hate it when you have something stuck in your teeth and you don't notice until after you've talked to a lot of people. FYL, OP. You'll live though

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:08

he probably would have wanted to lick it off (:

Lizza330 28

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:09

That sucks. But how do you not know there's something on your teeth? What's 'anti-flood'?

CloudEnvy 17

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Thursday 2 September 2010 12:13

Stops you from going nuts and posting things too quickly. For example: Flooding the comments with spam.

Lizza330 28

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Thursday 2 September 2010 12:39

Oh, but I only posted one comment.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Thursday 2 September 2010 16:22

It doesn't monitor how many comments you post, but how quickly you post them.

530boy 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 9:21

Brush your teeth after you eat, and don't eat unhealthy crap like sausages, they make you fat. If you get fat, your crush will not talk to you ever again and you will be single and fat. Then you'll have to post an FML about how your jeans can rip because they can't hold your lard in.

catatonicsleep 17

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Thursday 2 September 2010 10:23

You take your toothbrush with you when you go out? little obsessive... most people chew gum OP probably only just ate it when they ran into their crush.