Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I told my husband I was horny and wanted to get it on. He agreed but first he had to finish the chapter he was reading, watch his show on Netflix, argue with strangers on Facebook, then do his workout. He had the nerve to cop an attitude when I was no longer in the mood. FML
Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I got home horny as all ready to jump my husband, until I saw him asleep in his armchair with his gut hanging out his belt, his dinner down his vest, no pants on, and scratching his balls in his sleep. I’m no longer horny. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
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Top comments
nunn245 10
I can now say I've heard that phrase in the literal sense
devildog562 33
Do it yourself. Sounds like his **** is chicken.
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Comments (82)
isabellasimone 18
Haaha yikes!!
quickit 24
Not a single **** was given on that day.
Murilirum 23
Sounds like he's been turned down enough times to put him off quite a bit.. :/ I do like his wording though, creatively FML-y.
juturnaamo 29
Guys get turned down all the time, but as soon as it happens to a woman, it's practically newsworthy.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
It's usually FML worthy because guys tend to be rude *****. I mean, there's turning someone down and there's being a total dick about it.
EffyFails 18
never turn my guy down he claims to have a very high sex drive but honestly don't think it's high enough haha
Nilorak 24
Ok...
OysterPearls 33
It's not that a girl getting turned down is particularly "newsworthy", it's the rude (though humorous) way in which he turned her down. This wouldn't be an FML if he hadn't said what he said.
DarksideDoll 31
Tired of seeing this comment every time something is posted about a guy not wanting sex. We get it. Besides, it was his cheeky reply that made it "newsworthy".
foundationsk8 4
What was he watch
Clioo_fml 17
ing?
Arcanel 18
Damn he just went in on you for no reason sorry to hear that OP. But you have to admit his wording was hysterical. I'm guessing his sense of humor is one of the things you liked enough to marry him huh? better luck next time trying to get some tho !
kirrily77 2
I feel your pain... Mines the same and it could be an eight year old repeat of Cops.
Enslaved 38
Sounds like it's just a-- cop out.
MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21
You could always fly solo? Sorry OP.
shessovain 7
Next time he wants to be intimate, tell him the same thing.
17031990 20
Did he also stop mid session yesterday cause he was bored and wanted to finish his video game?