Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my husband I was horny and wanted to get it on. He agreed but first he had to finish the chapter he was reading, watch his show on Netflix, argue with strangers on Facebook, then do his workout. He had the nerve to cop an attitude when I was no longer in the mood. FML
Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I got home horny as all ready to jump my husband, until I saw him asleep in his armchair with his gut hanging out his belt, his dinner down his vest, no pants on, and scratching his balls in his sleep. I’m no longer horny. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
nunn245 10
I can now say I've heard that phrase in the literal sense
devildog562 33
Do it yourself. Sounds like his **** is chicken.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (82)
Tannasgh 22
*Shaking my head*
ryan1268 18
omg that user name xD
musiclover1316 19
Sounds like my boyfriend :/
Frostillicus123 10
I would do anything for my side to want me. he's lucky and doesn't realize how.
yellowzinnias 20
Been there. The boyfriend and I hadn't had time to have sex in about 2 weeks, so I went out and splurged on fancy lingerie, got all dolled up, and strutted into the living room feeling great. Me: *Trying to sound seductive* "Do you like my new bustier?" Him: *Eating cheerios in his sweats* "You're blocking the television and Matt Kemp is doing an interview."
dylanhasemann 9
ouch you got cockblocked by a TV. ........
King_paradox 22
I can't decide what's funnier, the guys saying replace him, or the guys saying rape her husband to get in the mood
Tr0ub3l 12
Must have been a good TV show..
Huddisher 10
I suggest saying that for the next 3 weeks! Haha.
anastasis 0
Maybe he's tired of being objectified and just used at your whims. Do you guys ever talk anymore? Why couldn't you just cuddle?