Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML
Today, my professor tried to scare the hiccups out of me. Some pee came out instead. FML
Today, I pissed my pants in fear for the first time. Was I at a spooky haunted house? Nope, I turned a corner and got startled by a parked car. FML
Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML
Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML
Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML
Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML
Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML
Today, I found out that the myth about what happens when you dream you're going to the toilet is not entirely untrue. At least for me. FML
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Top comments
lolipop1234_fml 7
Well thank you 16 for replying instead of just pressing thumbs down.
TheRealBrianGrif 7
Was it a story about meg?
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Comments (146)
micahsmommy 13
"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
Llamacod 11
Bullshit quote unless you give credit to originator
micahsmommy 13
Figured it was implied since the FML was about him.
nublets 12
32- just because you don't know of a famous quote doesn't mean it isn't legitimate
MrSassypants 34
"You're quote is automatically false if you don't give credit to the person who said it." Oops, did I forget the person who said it? I guess the credit goes to Liamacod.
Zoh_Aubrey 8
It's not a bullshit quote, hence the use of those little thingys called quotations. That means its not her words, but someone else's. Derp.
someguy314159265 15
A quick Google search has shown me that the quote is from Lovecraft himself. See how easy it is to determine the veritability of a quote?
mmm15 0
Amen!
mhterp90 17
Hope you don't have to present to the class.
TheRealBrianGrif 7
Was it a story about meg?
Michaelsgirl04 9
I thumbed you up because I read your profile. The "about me" made me chuckle
florido_fml 10
I don't even feel like rereading this fml
RoseTintMyWorld 8
But you feel like taking the time to reply to it? Makes perfect sense.
asaa1212 0
NOT FIRST!!
Fml_FTW228 10
Grow a pair
THE_A_TEEN 28
I'm guessing You have never read any of Lovecraft's literature. Read some, and I hope people beat You into submission as a way for You to grow a pair. Internet tough guy...
TheDrudgeChild 4
95 - he doesn't even sound intelligent enough to read Lovecraft.
touchesthelight 8
I agree. You'll need to grow a pair. If you're scared by H.P. Lovecraft's writing, then you're scared to easily. *SIGH* I feel sorry for all of you...
sydie5 12
*googles H.P. Lovecraft* ... *scarred for life*
MargieDrury 1
If you actually read one of his stories which one is the scariest or the best?
sydie5 12
Perhaps The Shadow Over Innsmouth. That one was just weird.
KMtheDrummer 6
If you're looking for truly scary books, read House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. Only book I ever read that truly terrified me.
wayfan 5
True that. I read the whole thing over a 3-month period. In the dark. When I was 15. Still scarred.
LuckyTroll 6
Hope you don't gotta present in front of people or tell anyone the story lol
lifesucks283 1
1- love the profile pic!!!
lifesucks283 1
same thing happened to me, but when i found out who rick santorum is.
KMtheDrummer 6
Or how many states he's polling well in!
MrSexyPants 14
I'm ashamed I'm from Louisiana so much more than usual today.
Hellomynameisme_fml 1
Who's that...? Sorry I don't watch the news lol
xXxIracebethxXx 14
147 - Google it, why don't you?