By Queen_Dread - 04/05/2012 07:19 - United States - Ocean Park
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6: think about back in the day of your grandparents. back then couples would settle down and start a family at an early age. usually the mom would stay home and the husband would work. now people arent getting married and having kids till later on and usually both spouses work. just too much going on in people's lives that get them stressed out
Jerseyboy - Thanks so much for the relationship advice. My 10th wedding anniversary is this month. I think I know that people should be faithful. Just because people should be faithful doesn't mean they all will. And if you really think premarital counseling will really identify all potential problem, then you're even more naive than you sound. I'm no fan of people getting married for the wrong reasons, but it's even more wrong for people to stay together for the wrong reason.
Marriage at it's roots was based not on love as people would have you believe, but on money. It is an antiquated ritual predicated on a historical need for economic partnership to ensure mutual survival. This construct no longer exists. So all we have left is this false idea of love, which is of course ridiculous. Love is nothing but a series of chemical reactions being interpreted by your brain that coincides with mating. But who can know how they'll feel in 1 year, 2 years, 20 years? In fact we could say that given the current divorce rate, one of the most insidious things about marriage is that people make what are in our society life altering decisions while "in love". Love is a drug, a toxic one at that, and scientifically proven to wear off.
I'm saying that in a church situation, there's usually an interview. I don't know about just a civil one; which is why I mentioned the former. I'm not saying never divorce. That happens for the reasons you mentioned. It's just not "the ideal" thing to do, obviously. I agree; in abuse and adultery, it might be necessary. And yeah. That has everything to do with my growing up. Not EVERYONE believes the same things. And just because their opinions are different do not necessarily make them wrong or right. Besides, this is just a forum.
Ppl get married for many reasons. But sometimes. Shit happens. Line of work u see shit n start drinking. Husband gets drunk where wife can't let the kids see it. Or he's abusive. Or can't handle the job n didn't think it through n leaves. No one can see the future but can only work trough it. "honey why is it the divorce today is so high." "cause we were born in a day where we fix things instead of throwing it away" Other words. Boredom. Lack of interest. Ect. Have that immature personality. Don't get married.
FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST YOU PEOPLE ARE HOPELESS. THINK OF YOUR GRANDPARENTS, YOUR GREAT GRANDPARENTS, GREAT GREAT GRANDPARENTS AND ETC. WHEN THEY GOT MARRIED DIVORCE WAS FROWNED UPON. I UNDERSTAND IF YOU'RE BEING PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY ABUSED THEN GTFO. BUT I'M ALSO SAYING IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH BALLS TO GET MARRIED THEN HAVE THE BALLS TO STAY FAITHFUL. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP MAKING EXCUSES LIKE THE HOURS THEY WORK, STRESS OR WHATEVER TO GET A DIVORCE.
"... all we have left is the false idea of love which is of course ridiculous." "Marriage is life for hell." Why are you guys writing these things down as if they're facts and statements? I'm sorry to say that not everyone agrees with you. Those are YOUR opinions, everyone else isn't entitled to them.
@37: nothing to do with balls, if a marriage doesn't work, get a divorce but think it over thoroughly. To boomerang it back at you: people should stop making excuses like religion or tradition to continue a miserable married life. I'm not married and have 2 kids, does that mean I'm free to abandon my family? Nope, it doesn't, but if my relationship wouldn't work out at certain point, I'd rather do the "unspeakable" than make 4 people suffer from the bad atmosphere.
My husband and I come from families with high divorce rates. Until we met each other we never even wanted to get married. So we sat down and decided on a "pine box rule". Everything we do will eventually be forgiven or understood. The only exception is cheating or physical abuse. In this case we have given the other permission to kill us. Because of this rule neither of us get jealous or are overly mean to each other. I know this probably wouldn't work for anyone else... And I can't for the life of me remember the point o this comment. Anyways... I agree with docbastard. He is a bastard, but he's usually right.
Ok everyone sshhh.... Fine marriage is something u should think ten times before you are going to finish it. But u also have to think 100 times before you get married. Coz if u dont think that that person is gonna be a partner as u like, then say no. WHile its true that no one knows about future, however if any thing has happened that you feel like taking divorce then atleast give it a try to fix it... Coz its the same person to whom u said yes by ur self on ur will. Moreover, i will assume that OP's in laws must have tried it but didnt work or something. Even if they didnt then fighting with each other over FML, aint gonna help. But remember as i said 'try to fix it' who knows it might works out :)
My grandparents got divorced and they were much happier. Divorce isn't a bad thing! Sometimes we fall in love and get married, but love doesn't always last, circumstances change. The only people that seem to stay together these days are a) comfortable with each other and don't want change b) afraid of getting a divorce because of what other people think c) don't want to leave because of kids d) they ignore the problems e) religion f) they believe they can fix it. We have to face that nearly 50 % get divorced and if u factor in all the points above not many are 'in love'
marriage is a big deal! our grandparents didn't get divorces (mostly) because it was a "you've made your bed, so lie in it" situation. divorce is such an easy option these days and sometimes people think "well, if it doesn't work out we can always get a divorce". marriage 'should' be a life long commitment but sometimes it doesn't work out and you know what? that's okay! because some people just grow apart. sometimes, all of a sudden, you're not the relationship you once were and you don't have the feelings for each other anymore, that's also okay! in my own opinion, celebrities don't have that lengthty relationship before getting married to make sure you're (for lack of a better word) 'soulmates', some of them should, but it's the same with non celebrities, some rush into it too soon. people make mistakes, let them learn :)
28 - Clearly you've never been in love. My boyfriend and I have made a promise to marry one day. Are we "well-off"? I wouldn't say so. We're together because we love each other, not because one of us makes gratuitous amounts of money. Quit being so depressing, the world isn't just about money.
DocBastard and others: I'm not saying that love doesn't exist, I'm saying that there's nothing supernatural or necessarily eternal about it. I know people who have been in love several different times. Does the fact that they eventually "fell out of love" imply that the connection they experienced was less real? No. Love as I said is an emotion caused by chemical reactions. Nothing supernatural. I see nothing wrong with marriage if that's what a couple wants, but I also see no problem with divorce. As we see in America, over 50% of new marriages will end in divorce. The idea that people who are "really" in love would never get divorced is naive.
83 - The fact that the USA (and most other industrialized nations) have such high divorce rates shouldn't be seen as a reason to do it; "everyone else is doing it" isn't a good reason. Post-modern cultures like ours emphasize choice and convenience, and that gets reflected in our relationships too. We have a bad habit of looking at our relationships as things that we should "trade up" when they cease to be convenient. Where's the humanity and the mutual respect?
you don't need interviews or anything to get married at a church. Least not in Canada. one person in the couple has to be of that religion the church supports. some churches can be angry about it and make them pay for their own person to do the marriage, but they can't refuse them use of the church to get married in. and everyone. it's your opinion. not facts. marriage is a choice. no one has to do it unless they choose too. the people who get divorced shouldnt matter. they don't want to be together anymore. their not happy. marriage is about happiness and love, not forced love and wishing you were happy.
90, I completely agree with you. Also, there have been some psychological studies demonstrating that people tend to be happier with a choice they consider irreversible, because instead of focusing on the negatives and wondering if they should "trade up" as 90 so accurately put it, they focus on the positives and try harder to make their choice work well. A prime example (according to the studies) is marriage. Many years ago, when divorce was more inaccessible, the rates of marriage satisfaction were much higher. I think people give up too soon now because there is such an easy way out (with the exceptions of abuse and infidelity of course). "We fell out of love" is not a good reason; it's code for "things got difficult in the relationship and we didn't want to fight for it." Don't marry someone if you can't promise to love them forever. Don't marry someone unless you can honestly say the vows "til death do us part." And above all, don't make the promise to someone to commit to the relationship for life and then back out when the going gets tough.
I did not know that divorce notices were put in the paper.
send it to jay leno for the "headlines" segment