Mr Coeur d'Alene, ID, USA 48 years-old
Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML
Today, I rear-ended a car while I was texting about the accident ahead which was causing all the traffic. FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question "On which continent is Canada located?" she responded "Antarctica." If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML
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