Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer... - FML

By fieldmarshalclitter - 1/12/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

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Season finale

Nice neighborhood

Ghosted

By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 13:00

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

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By embarrassed - 3/1/2010 06:53 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said "hopefully never." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2020 20:00

Waste moment

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

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By creepystalkerguy - 14/10/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

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By scaredofcutouts - 10/10/2012 21:44 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML

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By thatsucks - 17/5/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

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By best_friend - 25/7/2011 06:43 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML

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By Zyopy - 18/12/2015 08:33 - Australia - Hampton

Today, I didn't secure my friend's wheelchair well enough to my car roof before giving him a ride. It flew off mid-drive and we still haven't found it. FML

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By Kyrstin Budd - 13/4/2017 12:00

Today, I noticed a lady at work staring at me very intently. When she realized she had my attention, she made a sweeping gesture over her head and said, "Hair is like Trump!" FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML

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By anonymous - 2/9/2014 18:58 - United States - Wolcott

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2020 03:00 - United States - Silver Spring

Birthday gift

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to bring my obnoxious ex to my birthday party. FML

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By suckmeoff - 12/4/2009 07:21 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

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By emisara93 - 23/12/2017 19:00

Today, I chipped my tooth by biting down on my toothbrush. I don't know what hurts more: the irony or the fact I have no dental insurance until January. FML

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By jeoak - 30/1/2013 17:25 - India

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

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By Sniffles - 26/4/2014 12:28 - Ireland

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2012 02:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

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By Crumpet - 25/6/2010 07:08 - Canada

Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML

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By frustrated - 17/8/2013 22:56 - Ireland - Killarney

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

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By anonymous - 21/6/2010 12:21 - France

Today, the Vuvuzela that my brother ordered online was delivered to our house. FML

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By Jukka - 19/4/2011 00:48

Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML

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By dank meme - 11/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I learned that my neighbor of 9 years has a kid. I learned this after I knocked down his snowman. FML

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By - 22/3/2019 20:00

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML

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By burgeee - 18/3/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML

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By Wow - 1/8/2015 19:06 - United States - Sanford

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

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By I said whaat - 18/12/2012 16:50

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2012 13:09 - Sweden - Solna

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2016 18:02 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

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By I'm so wet, baby - 28/11/2014 17:27 - United Kingdom

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

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By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 05:00

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2015 10:51 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

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By mermaidkeels - 18/6/2016 08:51 - United States

Today, after getting fired, I went home only to find my boss sitting my living room. Apparently, he and my mom had been dating for months and he felt compelled to let me go because it was a "conflict of interest". FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, my gynecologist told me that the ecosystem in my vagina is unbalanced, and that I have to do some reconstruction. Uhm what? FML

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By NotInterested - 23/8/2013 06:23 - United States

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping to me while pointing at his dick. FML

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By ashlee - 31/8/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

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By cheated - 17/9/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

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By Oblivious - 25/9/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, I fell off my desk chair. Why? I failed to notice that the screws I'd been finding on the floor around my room for the past few months belonged to said chair. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2014 15:38 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I'm so broke that I had to call in sick to work because I couldn't afford to pay my bus fare. FML

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Top comments

By MindFreakazoid | 10

#5205155 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:05

That's like Death coming to your door and tripping on the front step.

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#5205142 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:03

Well jeez, if you're going to dress up just to scare someone, at least make sure the costume fits. I usually just start singing and dancing, that can be pretty scary...

COMMENTS

By avillero69 | 2

#5205121 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:01

first!!!

Reply

lilhellian | 26

#5205138 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:03

And the wait for moderation begins. *Turns on jeopardy music.*

Reply

majorjeneral | 0

#5205149 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:04

Your lack of creativity is astonishing. You had a real opportunity to make a first impression.

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#5205142 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:03

Well jeez, if you're going to dress up just to scare someone, at least make sure the costume fits. I usually just start singing and dancing, that can be pretty scary...

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5205226 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:18

That's because you sing and dance naked. Tell the whole truth, now...

Reply

ilikeboys31 | 7

#5205390 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:59

You know what's really funny. This was my Fml. Somebody jacked it and made it their own. Not cool.

Reply

ilikeboys31 | 7

#5205496 - Sunday 2 December 2012 2:26

You know what's really funny. Somebody jacked my FML and there's got passed through. Not cool.

Reply

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#5205550 - Sunday 2 December 2012 2:44

Sounds more like you we're trying to impersonate the character in "Scary Movie."

Reply

Vimy | 6

#5206019 - Sunday 2 December 2012 7:18

You know what, I'm pretty sure there IS one scene in one of the movies that this actually happens...

Reply

Vimy | 6

#5206021 - Sunday 2 December 2012 7:20

where* this actually happens

Reply

ArielTheMermaid | 17

#5207586 - Sunday 2 December 2012 20:24

I would have been freaked out. Those masks creep me out so much

By rageandlove13 | 8

#5205146 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:04

Troll denied.

Reply

ukrainianitalian | 2

#5205988 - Sunday 2 December 2012 7:05

Honestly I don't have a brother. But if I did, I would not want to scare him. Instead I would spend my whole childhood with him and enjoy life oppose to scaring him and making him angry.

Reply

Parky03 | 9

#5206325 - Sunday 2 December 2012 11:47

49-When your young, it doesn't work like that for siblings. They're usually arguing and fighting as children. Don't say that if you can't relate. And yes, I can relate.

By gczizza1997 | 15

#5205153 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:04

Karma got you before you even got a chance to scare your brother. Wow.

Reply

ryggsekk | 8

#5205173 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:06

karma dose not exist.

Reply

gczizza1997 | 15

#5205187 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:08

Before you go against my beliefs learn to spell correctly. Does*

Reply

jem970 | 19

#5205272 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:27

Haha no joke. She is a bitch, striking before the blow falls.... Terrible and unfair.

Reply

pmadNess | 14

#5205498 - Sunday 2 December 2012 2:27

11- I hate "grammar nazis", but I must say, I agree!!!! If they are going to criticize, get it correct...
I believe in Karma, she's my bitch!

Reply

wallandpiece | 16

#5205518 - Sunday 2 December 2012 2:34

I'm going to criticise your beliefs too. Karma does not exist.

Reply

kiwienne | 21

#5205528 - Sunday 2 December 2012 2:38

Typos happen

Reply

LaLince | 40

#5205904 - Sunday 2 December 2012 6:06

#29: I agree, karma doesn't exist.

By MindFreakazoid | 10

#5205155 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:05

That's like Death coming to your door and tripping on the front step.

By majorjeneral | 0

#5205168 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:06

There is nothing sweeter than karma kicking a$$ before you even get a chance to invoke it.

By Suba_fml | 8

#5205170 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:06

How couldn't you laugh at that?

By greenie213 | 23

#5205201 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:10

Hell! I laughed and I only read about it!

By DontThumbMeDown | 8

#5205218 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:17

Well now you have people on FML laughing at you. YDI

By SoylentCandycorn | 10

#5205230 - Sunday 2 December 2012 1:19

Karma for douchebags.