By I Hate My Brother - 9/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Brotherly love

Today, I'm in hospital because of my brother. He followed me and my boyfriend around a fair yesterday dressed as a gorilla, and whenever we showed some sort of affection towards one another, he rugby tackled me. The final tackle caused me to break my wrist. FML

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British Broadcasting Corporation

Ghosted

Tidy your room

By emeraldapostle - 25/11/2018 17:30

Today, I had a good day at work. I got all of my stuff done, I got to eat, and I got to clock out on time. It only became a bad day when I was told by my boss that today was my day off. FML

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By DIY560 - 24/2/2014 03:59 - United States - Ambler

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

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By fmylifechelsea - 27/4/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

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By midwify - 5/1/2015 17:58 - Denmark - Asaa

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

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By fired - 17/9/2013 04:36 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2016 14:55 - United States - Harbor City

Today, my 70-year-old boss asked me to order sexy lingerie she saw on the cover a magazine. FML

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By life_suxxx - 6/12/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

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By Mel Ancholy - 18/2/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2016 05:16 - United States - Davis

Today, I realized that I will be leaving for the US Marine Corps in June, and the presidential election is in November. I could potentially be serving with Trump as my Commander-in-Chief. FML

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By Blanerd - 15/10/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

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By ouchies - 5/5/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

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By facepalming all the way - 19/7/2015 06:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

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By evilparents - 1/11/2010 20:10 - United States

Today, I realized that my parents never ground me as a punishment because I don't get out enough for it to matter. FML

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By mkonda - 10/9/2016 17:11 - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

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By - 1/1/2009 15:38 - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

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By milkymoo - 30/5/2011 01:45 - Cyprus

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

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By itchybollos - 16/9/2010 09:04 - Australia

Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML

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By ApparentlyEmo - 18/2/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML

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By Jess - 20/12/2013 08:02 - United States - Modesto

Today, in a desperate attempt to add some variety to my life, I resorted to closing my eyes and picking a random font for my essay paper. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2015 06:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my friend to come sit next to me in class. I pulled out the chair next to me. Coincidentally, she started to sit at that same moment. Now both she and my teacher are convinced I did it on purpose, and they want to have a talk with my parents. FML

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By trisha - 16/7/2012 20:57 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

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By Ghettogirl4life - 12/7/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

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By anonymous - 6/11/2010 21:08 - Canada

Today, I found out that a street performer makes more money than I do. I have a full time job at the bank. FML

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By lynn - 17/2/2010 06:30 - United States

Today, I found out my cousin - who suffers from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend, while crying, and he held me for a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet, he pulled out his iPhone and started playing a shooter game. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 06:37 - Australia

Today, I discovered the top I'm wearing becomes completely see-through when it rains. I just got caught in a storm on my lunch break, and still have 3 hours of work to go in my male dominated office. FML

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By FootFlakes - 9/4/2013 17:58 - United States - Boston

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2011 23:54 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2017 14:00

'Cause I'm a Criminal

Today, I woke up to find both of my bank accounts frozen. My bank informed me that the IRS had ordered a freeze on my assets because of back taxes owed, and would not unfreeze them until the money is paid. The amount? $2.47. FML

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By Lisa - 1/10/2012 21:09 - United States - Bayside

Today, my boyfriend told me that the main reason he was dating me was because he was intimidated by pretty girls. FML

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By VladyBoi - 1/11/2011 00:18 - United States

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2009 16:41 - United States

Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 10:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2013 15:34 - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML

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By MereLewis95 - 26/10/2011 08:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

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By "people these days" - 19/7/2013 20:36 - United States - Fairfax

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

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By jessel_ladd92 - 9/9/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

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By Mattyboy - 24/8/2009 09:57 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

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By KenzFell - 5/6/2012 07:27 - Canada - Calgary

Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML

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By sideeffect001 - 2/2/2016 18:48 - United States - Logan

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

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By catwoman - 31/10/2009 04:34 - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

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Top comments

By Sagar Nair | 11

#7849765 - Wednesday 9 October 2019 13:55

And you never told him to stop the first time?

By Charlie Given | 22

#7849935 - Wednesday 9 October 2019 23:55

Brother or not you should have pressed charges for assault, your brother is either jealous of your relationship or he's a fucking asshole ,cut ties it'll only get worse

COMMENTS

By Sagar Nair | 11

#7849765 - Wednesday 9 October 2019 13:55

And you never told him to stop the first time?

Reply

riley873 | 21

#7849801 - Wednesday 9 October 2019 17:55

either you don't have siblings or your family's the frickin Cleavers

Reply

kfchicken_fml | 26

#7849965 - Thursday 10 October 2019 3:55

I'm assuming anyone willing to go to that extent won't stop of you simply tell them to

By Zoey775 | 16

#7849822 - Wednesday 9 October 2019 19:31

Your brother sounds like a jerk.

By Charlie Given | 22

#7849935 - Wednesday 9 October 2019 23:55

Brother or not you should have pressed charges for assault, your brother is either jealous of your relationship or he's a fucking asshole ,cut ties it'll only get worse

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7849945 - Thursday 10 October 2019 0:22

"That's assault, brotha!"
I'm worried about his motivations. Is he mentally challenged, upset that your boyfriend is spending more time with you that you used to spend with him, or was he trying to keep you away from your boyfriend because he wants to fuck you himself?

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7849952 - Thursday 10 October 2019 2:07

time for your brother to have an "accident "

By s25s | 3

#7849989 - Thursday 10 October 2019 6:29

Your brother is an a**hole

By 0neiros | 12

#7853845 - Thursday 24 October 2019 21:47

Where was the boyfriend in all this? bout the 3rd time he's have been clutching what was his ballsack, and was now his new chin.

By MamaChey | 22

#7853952 - Friday 25 October 2019 5:17

Your brother sounds hilarious!