Intimacy: Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I... - FML

By melissa1028 - 18/10/2014 02:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 458

You deserved it 10 247

Hiding from the drama

Walk the line

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

By superdrinkingbud - 23/06/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, after having diarrhoea all week, my girlfriend dragged me to London. Expecting to not be able to find a toilet, I decided to fast for the day. We spent 3 hours wandering the food stalls of Camden market with her friends. So many free samples I had to refuse… FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 957

You deserved it 580

By me - 19/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 883

You deserved it 28 504

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 01:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 634

You deserved it 4 764

Thanks dad

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 06:01

Spicy

Today, my fiancé told me that my dad apologized to him that I hadn’t inherited my mother’s chest size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 97

By terrible person - 04/04/2011 09:29

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 065

You deserved it 5 972

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 311

You deserved it 8 827

By jxfc - 07/11/2016 08:11 - United States - Tracy

Today, as I was helping a customer, she asked if it was my first day and who was training me. Evidently, I'm bad at my job, because I've worked there for 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 543

You deserved it 1 503

By anonymous - 31/01/2013 04:02 - Canada - Fergus

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 594

You deserved it 28 793

Too much irony

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 11:00

Today, I tried to schedule a counseling appointment so I could vent about the lack of quality control in software. The online scheduler said to call. The secretary scheduled my appointment then said the system would send an email with the appointment link. The email did not contain any links. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 87

By Rumors - 12/12/2013 11:27 - United States - Turtle Lake

Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 589

You deserved it 6 084

By bananayellowteeth - 03/05/2009 08:37 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 768

You deserved it 9 054

By i guess - 03/05/2014 00:03 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 568

You deserved it 3 581

By RIPLife - 24/03/2016 14:03 - Switzerland - Carouge

Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 601

You deserved it 1 531

Outdoorsy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 03:21 - United States - London

Spicy

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 680

You deserved it 7 167

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 04:49 - United States - Moorhead

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 199

You deserved it 6 257

Benched

By fmlprobot - 04/06/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 253

You deserved it 4 652

By Fartfail - 18/04/2012 13:43 - Hong Kong - Corozal

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 708

You deserved it 6 734

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 16:30 - Sweden

Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving frantically. She gave me a really weird expression and moved quickly away from me. Then I realised that I only knew her because I had stalked her Facebook once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 883

You deserved it 54 092

By sadcinderella - 22/12/2009 07:01 - United States

Today, I spent my day alone while my parents and siblings were at school and work. Trying to be helpful, I cleaned out the fridge, did 5 loads of laundry, worked outside, fed the pets and made dinner for the entire family. The evening was spent hearing complaints of how wrong I did everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 359

You deserved it 3 281

By smellsgood - 13/03/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 327

You deserved it 11 327

By Ohwhy - 27/10/2012 11:53 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 411

You deserved it 2 060

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 12:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 589

You deserved it 2 558

By theatreluver - 05/01/2011 03:15 - United States

Today, it was opening night for the play where I was, for the first time ever, one of the leads. I went on stage with a loud and energetic entrance. I came in two scenes early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 379

You deserved it 33 477

By PeeEverywhere - 11/08/2016 05:48

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my husband peeing on the floor. He managed to pee in two open clothes drawers and on the pants I was going to wear to work tomorrow. Before I left earlier he promised he wouldn't get smashed tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 546

You deserved it 1 381

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 21:38 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 211

You deserved it 2 387

By Your ass... Grab it... - 04/07/2013 22:30 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 871

You deserved it 4 337

By shameless - 28/04/2013 22:24 - United States - Canton

Today, I agreed to go on a date with the creepy guy from my Economics class because I'm so broke that I could really use the free meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 669

You deserved it 15 231

By Anonymous - 28/01/2013 21:18 - United States - Fayette

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 185

You deserved it 2 146

By kb123 - 05/05/2019 20:00

Today, I'm visiting my wife's home country for the first time. To avoid the spicy street food, I bought something labelled "Fruit salad" from a street vendor. I didn't know even Pakistani fruit salad can be very spicy too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 339

By me - 20/12/2010 02:26 - Bulgaria

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 001

You deserved it 5 606

Ah, young love…

By HotAsTits - 20/03/2011 20:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 891

You deserved it 10 439

By Soundofaboner - 23/04/2013 16:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 293

You deserved it 10 077

By Anonymoose - 08/09/2015 19:12 - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 187

You deserved it 2 090

By jellyybean - 05/09/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he didn't believe in marriage. His response was, "I believe in marriage. Just not marriage with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 581

You deserved it 5 845

By Anonymous - 28/05/2016 13:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of a call. All because my neighbor's car alarm kept going off every 3 minutes all through the morning. It was still going when I left for work. If you see a news story in a few days about a whole neighborhood beating a guy to death, that's probably us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 350

You deserved it 1 307

By Stupid_Chick - 01/06/2010 01:09 - Canada

Today, I found out that my family hides food from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 171

You deserved it 19 215

Kids and their wacky crazes

By tclwj - 06/09/2020 23:01 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my 2 daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 187

By millavitsa - 03/01/2013 22:36 - Ukraine

Today, my mom asked me why MS Word keeps underlining some words. After I tried to convince her that you're supposed to put a space after commas, she started yelling at me for making her look stupid. I can never win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 742

You deserved it 2 166

Yada yada yada

By Anonymous - 05/09/2013 06:47 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, I finally got up the courage to talk to my four-year boyfriend about how insecure I've been feeling in our relationship recently, and how I needed his support while I try to get my self-esteem back on-track. He fell asleep mid-conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 015

You deserved it 5 257

By ChangMu - 01/05/2013 06:40 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I had to go buy diaper rash cream. For myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 327

You deserved it 7 461

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Top comments

m1e0l 12

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Saturday 18 October 2014 15:55

I'd be careful what you send him. You never know when the son could have his phone.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:04

#4, by holding a regular conversation first. But who really thinks about doing that first, its his phone, he should have it. you know?

Comments

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Saturday 18 October 2014 15:55

That's why you always make sure they are with their phones first

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Saturday 18 October 2014 15:58

And how does one go about that?

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:04

#4, by holding a regular conversation first. But who really thinks about doing that first, its his phone, he should have it. you know?

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:32

Why should you expect someone else to pick up the person you are trying to contact's phone?

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Saturday 18 October 2014 17:11

Its quite common for people with kids to let their child use their phone.

thebigtwinkie 28

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Saturday 18 October 2014 17:48

this FML makes me think of so many wrong things

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Saturday 18 October 2014 17:58

Not really #9 especially if he has kids. My friends know not to text me crude stuff when my nephew is in town just for this reason.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 20:17

And sometimes there's the chance that someone could be borrowing their phone for whatever reasons.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 21:25

When I was younger, my mom let me use her phone and if she got a message, I had to tell her imediately. if she wasnt around then I had to tell her later but I was forbidden from opening it.

m1e0l 12

Send a private message

Saturday 18 October 2014 15:55

I'd be careful what you send him. You never know when the son could have his phone.

jerryj 27

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:43

That's some pretty top notch advice right there. Good thing you shared, since OP surely couldn't have learnt her lesson after having posted on FML.

Quackadoodledoo 13

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Saturday 18 October 2014 20:32

Captain Hindsight...is that you?

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Saturday 18 October 2014 15:57

I think we're all stating the obvious here

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Saturday 18 October 2014 18:46

True... but how do we know she wasnt on her phone during lunch?

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:00

I don't see how the picture could have been that bad. Considering you were at work when you took the picture.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:13

She was at work when she sent the picture. No mention of when she took it.

whiteangel361 10

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:27

If she's a pornstar…

RedPillSucks 31

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Saturday 18 October 2014 17:27

There's always the restroom stall, or if you have an office, anything goes

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Saturday 18 October 2014 23:03

Exactly

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:01

There's no way you could've known the son would have it. Honest mistake OP,

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:02

Everything's better in person anyway.

sayyestothedress 24

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:02

The kid wanted pleasure of his own

8born8 18

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:03

BOOBIES!!!

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:27

That kid got the shock off his life

Eivana 37

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:44

While you were at work?

glabberfasted 16

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Saturday 18 October 2014 23:12

Glad I'm not the only one who found this to be the weirdest part... Who feels sexy while at work?

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Saturday 18 October 2014 23:14

Strippers.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 17:01

Well, at least your fiance will get a good laugh out of this!

8born8 18

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:01

Here's hoping her fiances ex has a sense of humor. Little ones tend to repeat what they've seen/heard verbatim. And if it doesn't come out straight away, it will eventually. Kids are innocent like that.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 58

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 41