Transportation: Today, I woke up to find "Fuck you, Harry" painted on my car.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 81

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 1 159

18/10/2014 07:20

Today, I woke up to find "Fuck you, Harry" painted on my car. Harry's my neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 030

You deserved it 2 562

Stop talking!

Dementia or hate? You decide

Another great day to be alive

25/04/2014 21:21

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 115

You deserved it 11 213

Maoism intensifies

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 02:00

Today, like every evening, our place is literally shaking with banging noises from the apartment below. Are they raising ponies down there? Wrecking the furniture? Taking out some walls? No, it's just my landlord's six-year-old. Playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 114

09/04/2012 22:32

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 536

You deserved it 2 980

29/08/2010 05:02

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 916

You deserved it 31 954

25/09/2012 12:13

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 483

You deserved it 3 166

08/09/2010 06:53

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 239

You deserved it 33 765

21/12/2014 07:59

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 490

You deserved it 4 863

Sorry Pat

By Kronic - 02/07/2009 05:08

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 289

You deserved it 48 537

So romantic

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 16:53

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave, "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 086

You deserved it 4 376

15/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boss selected me to be the company representative at an important meeting in Portland with one of our biggest clients. I was thrilled, until I realized he hadn't said anything about my plane ticket or hotel reservation. He later told me that I'll need to acquire those things myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 883

You deserved it 237

03/10/2012 21:33

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 341

You deserved it 4 678

Panic on the streets of Sydney

By MyPrecious... - 11/03/2015 00:33

Today, I thought the ring my boyfriend bought for me had fallen off while emptying the trash into the bin. After panicking and emptying a week's worth of rubbish onto the ground, I found my ring safe and sound. On my other hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 796

You deserved it 28 658

13/01/2011 21:10

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 274

You deserved it 4 963

Spooky

By BadgerSpirit - 27/04/2011 13:35

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 851

You deserved it 43 727

20/04/2015 18:06

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 262

You deserved it 3 605

24/06/2009 06:44

Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 66 392

18/07/2012 08:57

Today, I was convinced I hadn't locked up properly when leaving work, and almost had a panic attack at the train station. I went all the way back into work, to find I had in fact locked up properly. It made me nearly two hours late home. This isn't the first time I've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 655

You deserved it 9 403

04/06/2012 04:34

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 054

You deserved it 3 461

30/11/2015 13:06

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light. I saw my neighbour and her new boyfriend crossing the road, then noticed as he started grabbing his crotch, but thought nothing of it. They both then pulled down their pants and urinated in the middle of the busy intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 879

You deserved it 1 772

04/09/2012 08:53

Today, I'm quite ill. My new step-mother believes that the genetic wheat allergy I got from my mother would have gone away since she's now married to my father instead. Looks like dad picked a winner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 277

You deserved it 1 844

21/04/2017 20:00

Today, after climbing 8 flight of stairs due to electricity outage, I got to work only to find the office locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 199

You deserved it 356

29/08/2019 12:00

Today, after breaking my leg, I'm unable to put any weight on it whatsoever. Our bedroom? Upstairs. Our only bathroom? Basement. My husband thought it would be a great idea to leave me alone and unable to walk to go babysit his nieces. I had to piss in a bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 206

12/05/2016 00:06

Spicy

Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 658

You deserved it 953

02/09/2012 22:31

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 387

You deserved it 7 335

30/08/2011 20:56

Today, I went to a movie and a dinner with a girl. During dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I checked my social media feeds while waiting for her to return. She'd posted on her twitter "Worst. Ever." I thought it was going well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 543

You deserved it 3 009

12/04/2009 15:22

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 749

You deserved it 9 536

26/01/2014 17:21

Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 126

You deserved it 5 015

19/09/2018 03:30

Spicy

Today, one of my residents was having super loud sex. I'm an RA in a college freshman dorm, and I had to knock on her door and tell her to quiet down. I hate to be a cock-block, but she woke multiple people up, myself included. I live 4 doors down the hall from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 739

You deserved it 419

13/01/2013 05:27

Spicy

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 112

You deserved it 5 014

Good morning to you too

By sllaggy - 18/04/2011 09:34

Spicy

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered, "Slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 425

You deserved it 22 059

09/09/2009 22:53

Today, my mom found a new favorite game. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and still have not been able to find a job (months after graduating college). Due to this stress I cry easily, her game? Seeing how many times a day she can make me boo-hoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 597

You deserved it 8 771

22/10/2015 00:57

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 671

You deserved it 3 943

09/10/2010 20:00

Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back and lying about where he was was out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 106

You deserved it 3 132

22/08/2009 18:44

Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 786

You deserved it 38 692

13/11/2009 22:29

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 316

You deserved it 3 062

07/04/2009 02:11

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 898

You deserved it 100 057

28/01/2011 19:55

Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 855

You deserved it 13 936

21/06/2016 16:12

Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 567

You deserved it 3 276

03/01/2010 06:36

Today, I was sitting at the bar of a popular local restaurant. I sat there for a few hours and drank my sorrows away with the bartender. I thought she was pretty, and decided to give her a large tip. The tip sent me over my credit card limit, and the bartender is not single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 411

You deserved it 35 272

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 16:01

Today, we have a double driveway, but after my wife left, someone parked in my wife’s spot, presumably to avoid the public car park fee a few streets away. I called a tow company and very specifically asked them to tow the intruding red car, but they towed my black work truck instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 99

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:09

Yer a wizard Harry.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:14

Don't blame your neighbor, Draco's always been an asshole.

Comments

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:09

Yer a wizard Harry.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:16

So this is how hogwarts chooses its wizards now. I miss the owl.

Vanubo 10

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:17

The profile picture makes the comment so much better

ChristianH39 30

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Saturday 18 October 2014 20:07

I think that profile pic could make any non serious comment better

wickedalwayswins 7

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Saturday 18 October 2014 23:12

More like "yer an asshole, 'arry."

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:10

Well tell harry someone has sent him a message

sayyestothedress 24

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:24

It's more of a threat or revenge!

orbit 22

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Saturday 18 October 2014 20:30

What if it was harry who wrote it? Fuck you, from Harry.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:14

Don't blame your neighbor, Draco's always been an asshole.

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Sunday 19 October 2014 2:58

For all we know it could be Voldemort's return and this is his first act of villainy.

whenitdidhappen 14

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:14

edit the text to make it look like it was sent to you by harry then sue him. I guess he kinda deserves it

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Saturday 18 October 2014 21:53

Text? He painted the message on his car

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Saturday 18 October 2014 22:00

The text as in the words, not the text as in a text message

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Saturday 18 October 2014 23:03

37 - i think you've been in your phone too long and forgot the full/actual meaning of text

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Sunday 19 October 2014 0:04

You're a shitty person

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Sunday 19 October 2014 3:33

Where does the word text even come from.? Lmaoo that word is completely irrelevant.

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Sunday 19 October 2014 5:02

Well #4 said "edit the text" so I thought they misread the FML which I have been seeing a lot lately

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:16

That is a perfect example of Murphy's, or now Harry's law...

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Saturday 18 October 2014 21:23

You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

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Sunday 19 October 2014 8:31

Helpfulman to the rescue!

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Monday 20 October 2014 5:10

#33 Murphy's law states that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong... which in this case is the wrong car being painted

ThomasBombadil 31

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:17

Maybe Harry did it himself because you parked your car in front of his house and no one would suspect him and you sure as hell won't park there again.

ChristianH39 30

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Saturday 18 October 2014 20:08

If that's the case, Harry might be a genius instead of a wizard

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Saturday 18 October 2014 22:13

Maybe Harry wrote it and he put the comma there to show it was from him, sorta like "with love, Cristina".

captainsmegma 12

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Sunday 19 October 2014 1:47

I think he meant to say. "fuck you! Harry." I swear they just don't teach proper punctuation in the schools anymore.

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:17

Those darn Deatheaters, always pulling the most immature pranks...

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:18

This post isnt new lol

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:18

I can see why Harry and this vandal can't get along. I wouldn't get along very well with a guy who is too stupid to get his revenge right either.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:21

I hope you go over there and get information from your neighbor so the damage can get paid for. that's crazy that people think they can vandalize other people's things.