Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML
Today, I sent my husband out for baby formula and cocoa butter to soothe my boobs from breastfeeding. He came back with powdered milk and deep heat rub. AND he still wanted praise for at least having tried to get what I asked for. I would kill him, but I need his wages while I'm on maternity. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML
Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML
Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
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Top comments
krysxkatastrophe 14
Ice cream is awesome! I'm lactose intolerant too, but I don't care when it comes to that!
knights95 9
But they have cheese in them. Fail.
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Comments (294)
RainbowzSkittlez 6
Well at least he got good stuff.
Calyx_fml 22
Get a paternity test.
mismonroe 0
I don't understand how anyone can be angry when they have hot pockets.
FlashBurn 13
You mean... diarrhea pockets?
kezzamumma 3
SHE CAN'T EAT THEM
whitey18 0
well you can at least have the hot pockets
awkward_turtles 1
Most hot pockets have cheese in them.
Das_Judenburg 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Stupid cow, you act like he isn't allowed to buy food he wants.
YFDIOP 0
asshole. ^
1greatsk8er 0
funny though
Quall1357 0
that's rude. asshole.
kybabyy 4
He could have the decency to buy food for the girl he knocked up FIRST, and then get himself some damn hot pockets. She never said he wasn't allowed to eat what he wants, as long as she gets what she, and the baby, need..
geeksaresexy 18
I bet she paid for the 'food' he bought
Das_Judenburg 0
She can just eat the damn baby or get groceries herself.
geeksaresexy 18
I feel sorry for the poor woman who might marry you one day.. Clearly you will sit on your arse all day while she does everything! Silly little kids like you shouldn't be allowed online.
Das_Judenburg 0
Haha you get all defensive over the OP then seem to be able to predict the future because I made a couple of jokes. I like your style!
lindon555 0
well u still have hot pockets
CAPTmok 7
Ask him to check the mail then lock his @ss outside!!!
JesusFishTaco 5
Aw man, I just imagined sticking my penis into a hot pocket after putting it in the microwave.
wordnerd42 0
-sensei voice- You no horny for girl... You horny for HOT POCKETS!!
garner20 0
enjoy those hot pockets.
sydneymwfca 10
shes lactose intolerant like she said. hot pockets have cheese in them. fail.