By anon - 14/6/2021 08:01

Very helpful, dude

Today, I sent my husband out for baby formula and cocoa butter to soothe my boobs from breastfeeding. He came back with powdered milk and deep heat rub. AND he still wanted praise for at least having tried to get what I asked for. I would kill him, but I need his wages while I'm on maternity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

906

You deserved it

173

Tweet

Share

Stop talking!

Vulture

It's not Mondays you hate, it's capitalism

By Down - United States

Today, my ex told me he broke up with me because he loved me, and that he was afraid of the commitment. He's living with his new girlfriend now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26265

You deserved it

1901

Tweet

Share

By Fran - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49421

You deserved it

3356

Tweet

Share

By ........................... - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52768

You deserved it

6116

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Everyday racism

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused, "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40393

You deserved it

3368

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/3/2021 14:29 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Life imitates art

Today, it's now the 10th girl who has gone out with me but ended up falling for one of my close friends, who she met through me. I starting to feel I am that guy in the movie "Good Luck Chuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks

810

You deserved it

65

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Pennies From Heaven

Today, I bought some shoes, but pissed off the lady working at the store by returning them 5 minutes later. She yelled at me and ripped my receipt in half, everyone in the store watched as she threw a handful of pennies at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1536

You deserved it

463

Tweet

Share

By Xpload - United States - Lake Orion

Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45387

You deserved it

4207

Tweet

Share

By daughterinlaw - United States - La Plata

Today, my mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on my husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me for "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me for not having given her grand-children yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63346

You deserved it

4306

Tweet

Share

By Ewt - Canada - Victoria

Not a joke!

Today, I found out that my best friend does not wash her hands after going to the bathroom, even if she changes her pad. I then remembered all the times she handed food to me, and teased me when I tried to wash my hands first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2239

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By Jorgina226 - United States

Today, I found my old sewing machine I got when I was a kid. I never used it before, because when I was younger, I was afraid I might sew my fingers. Laughing at myself, I decided to sew up an old bag. I sewed my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17894

You deserved it

27019

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/4/2021 13:01 - Australia - Sydney

Do your own research

Today, I got yelled at for 10 minutes by my head of department for failing one of my students for plagiarism, because, "we can't be sure." It was my work he plagiarised, but because it's not in our system, it doesn't count. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1316

You deserved it

75

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34468

You deserved it

4536

Tweet

Share

By Justincredible69 - United States

Today, I was legitimately sick so I called in to work. Apparently, 4 other guys on my line called in too. My boss thought we planned it. Now we're all written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25868

You deserved it

1545

Tweet

Share

By yikes - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32065

You deserved it

3756

Tweet

Share

By Olive - France

Today, and for the last two weeks I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8314

You deserved it

40560

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/6/2021 07:59

It's not a phase!

Today, despite 18 years of marriage and two kids together, my father-in-law still insists my wife will one day grow up, realise I was the result of some rebellious phase she’s going through, divorce me and marry a decent boy from her hometown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1056

You deserved it

50

Tweet

Share

By buttpain

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9536

You deserved it

823

Tweet

Share

By futuremum - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I had to yet again tell my mother-in-law that I wasn't going to name my unborn baby "Ermintrude" after her late mother. My husband told me to stop being difficult, and that he agrees that it would be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35263

You deserved it

2563

Tweet

Share

By Rekt - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was taking a break in my work truck when I saw a huge swarm of bees flying my way. I have a hand crank window so I started cranking it up as fast as I could and the knob snapped off before it closed and I got stung by the whole swarm before I could get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9693

You deserved it

734

Tweet

Share

By lonelyheart4ever - United States - Norman Park

Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15248

You deserved it

1439

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32089

You deserved it

6877

Tweet

Share

By Sisi - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5475

You deserved it

11055

Tweet

Share

By thesadone - United States

Today, I realized that the best and most entertaining part of my 3 day mini vacation was realizing my nipples work on the touch screen of my iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32878

You deserved it

10721

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/2/2021 05:01

Where there's a will…

Today, as a final effort to get me to lose weight, my recently deceased father left me $25,000 on his will, which is only to be released to me once I weigh 150 pounds. No exceptions. I'm about to lose my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

975

You deserved it

435

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 02:03

"I Raised a Sociopath"

Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1998

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By Lo_Bolian - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56578

You deserved it

3396

Tweet

Share

By erianne

Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2813

You deserved it

553

Tweet

Share

By Frank S. - 17/6/2021 19:59

Caught in 4K

Today, I was about to enter a hotel with a friend-with-benefits. We then saw her boyfriend exiting the same hotel with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

235

You deserved it

1514

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend, I accidentally let one slip. While thinking "maybe he didn't hear, maybe he's sleeping", the shaking of the bed from his laughter let me know otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29463

You deserved it

9379

Tweet

Share

By Noname - Canada

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40999

You deserved it

2582

Tweet

Share

By RoxMySox - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28371

You deserved it

6689

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Tulsa

Musicians suck

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40128

You deserved it

3551

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/4/2021 11:01

Yellow

Today, a friend of mine has stopped brushing his teeth, because, "animals don’t brush their teeth either." You know what else animals don’t do? Smoke a pack of Marlboros a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

925

You deserved it

59

Tweet

Share

By carey33

Quite the catch

Today, even though I’m having contractions, I’m still trying to clean up the house. My husband just got pissy with me because I was rolling the vacuum behind me instead of picking it up and carrying it to the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1885

You deserved it

194

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Asheboro

Today, I received an email from my professor asking me not to jump ahead on assignments as it makes the other students look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47108

You deserved it

7459

Tweet

Share

By christous - France

Today, I should have given my first concert in front of a crowded audience. As we were about to go on stage my band decided to roll a joint outside. The cops just happened to pass by and now I'm on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31432

You deserved it

4945

Tweet

Share

By Sarah - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71512

You deserved it

10377

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my biology teacher asked the class a question, so I raised my hand and after I gave my answer, my teacher said, "You know, you have a voice for radio. It's very deep." I replied with "Do I? Thanks!" He added, "You also have the face for radio." The whole class laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6219

You deserved it

565

Tweet

Share

By mark - United States

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35716

You deserved it

2576

Tweet

Share

By psychortiz - United States

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52353

You deserved it

16574

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ojoRojo | 27

#8001070 - Monday 14 June 2021 9:03

Yeah noooo. Those things are vastly different. Did he go back out for the correct items?? Congrats on your baby!

By hope jm | 5

#8001122 - Monday 14 June 2021 12:49

next time remind him to use his phone if he's unsure what to get. duh. if be pissed to. I always use my phone if I'm unsure because they are out of something.

COMMENTS

By ojoRojo | 27

#8001070 - Monday 14 June 2021 9:03

Yeah noooo. Those things are vastly different. Did he go back out for the correct items?? Congrats on your baby!

By 1known | 29

#8001082 - Monday 14 June 2021 10:27

That kind of man still exist? No kidding?

By Plop | 13

#8001108 - Monday 14 June 2021 12:29

Well, if he has life insurance, you could still hope for him to have an untimely "accident".

By hope jm | 5

#8001122 - Monday 14 June 2021 12:49

next time remind him to use his phone if he's unsure what to get. duh. if be pissed to. I always use my phone if I'm unsure because they are out of something.

By Chazzster | 21

#8001173 - Monday 14 June 2021 17:44

Give him a written list next time. Make sure he can read it - Or send him a text or email so he will have that with him at the store.

Reply

kfchicken | 31

#8001298 - Tuesday 15 June 2021 4:51

let's remember he's not a child and she's busy taking care of one. he can text her or call her to double check. yes a list would be nice but let's not put this on her it's 100% his fault