Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML
Today, I sent my husband out for baby formula and cocoa butter to soothe my boobs from breastfeeding. He came back with powdered milk and deep heat rub. AND he still wanted praise for at least having tried to get what I asked for. I would kill him, but I need his wages while I'm on maternity. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML
Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML
Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
krysxkatastrophe 14
Ice cream is awesome! I'm lactose intolerant too, but I don't care when it comes to that!
knights95 9
But they have cheese in them. Fail.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (294)
lillost93 5
that's how a real man shops!
putnam1234 0
a
putnam1234 0
that's what you get for leaving the kitchen
finalyearsofhate 22
get some lactase supplements. they really help.
perdix 31
Open up the frozen Hot Pocket, scrape out the cheese, cook it up and STFU. Jeez, does the man have to do everything for you? He did get you pregnant -- what more do you want?!?!
RLG 7
well he did buy everything she can't eat/ drink. it's like you being a guy and your mom buying you a skirt.
NeekaTodd 3
Depending on how lactose intolerant she is, that wouldn't work.
perdix 31
If my mom bought me a skirt, I'd call it a kilt and wear it with pride. That's showing respect for your elders.
DynamicDave 11
Haha, perdix is truly a god among men and the only people who thumb down his comments are idiots who don't get sarcasm and/or satire. Or don't have a sense of humor.
perdix 31
Thanks, Double-D! I suffer for my art.
thecovert 7
YDI.
thekrammer 5
hot pockets!..... yumm
lulu1918 0
it's your fault for trusting a guy to do something only a woman is capable of. I trusted my boyfriend with a cucumber, box of cereal, and a pack of chicken... won't make that mistake more than once! ;)
RLG 7
dude it's not that bad I mean it kinda is but if you don't like the guy, why r u in a relationship with him
miZscrZee 0
he sound unreliable especially for a soon to be Father!
TheBitchIsInTown 0
idiots. she can't have the hot pockets either. they have cheese in them.
care_bear_hugs 0
you're the one dating the pig