Today, at brunch, my friend asked if anyone wanted to split the bill. I pointed out that I’d only ordered coffee while everyone else got cocktails and meals. Suddenly I was “the cheap friend,” and somehow defending my $4 coffee turned into a group discussion about generosity, capitalism, and personal values. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was in the mood for some coffee, which is right down the street. I brought ten dollars with me, not knowing how much I'd need. When I approached the counter, the barista looked at my hand holding the ten-dollar bill and said, "Oh, our cheap things are on the left side of the menu." FML
Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML
Today, while serving two middle-aged women at the coffee shop, I was screamed at and accused of being a "sexist and chauvinistic bastard." This was prompted by me charging one of them 40 cents for the addition of steamed milk, which is clearly stated on the price sheet. FML
Today, two women came into my place of work, complaining loudly that they couldn't afford a £3 course fee because they didn't have any money to spend on themselves. They were holding large Starbucks coffees. FML
Today, at brunch, a friend started talking about wanting kids. The table immediately turned into a debate about whether having children is selfish, noble, irresponsible, or “bad for the planet.” The waiter came back 3 times asking if we were ready to order, while 8 adults argued over the future of humanity next to untouched eggs Benedict. FML
Today, after I spent years making fun of people who buy expensive coffee every morning instead of making it at home, and after I got a remote job and started living alone, I realized the barista at the café is currently the closest thing I have to a social life. Yesterday she remembered my order and I nearly felt emotional. FML
Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML
Today, strapped for money, I asked one of my good friends to loan me some. She said no, because she’s broke herself. I later see her checked in on NOBU, a high class, expensive restaurant, on Facebook and she’d bought a new designer purse and shoes with the hashtag #TreatYourself. FML
Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML
Today, it's my birthday and my friends and I went to our favorite pub to celebrate. As I'm a little broke at the moment, they all offered to buy me birthday drinks. Which I later learned meant that they would order them for me and bring them to the table, but put everything on my tab. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
mike3775 36
Stand your ground. I never split the bill when it’s glaringly obvious I’d be paying way more than what I got. If it ended meals together, so what, I refuse to allow someone to have steak and lobster cheaper when I had a cheeseburger and fries for half the price
WXH 1
get new friends
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (7)
mike3775 36
Stand your ground. I never split the bill when it’s glaringly obvious I’d be paying way more than what I got. If it ended meals together, so what, I refuse to allow someone to have steak and lobster cheaper when I had a cheeseburger and fries for half the price
WXH 1
get new friends
angus 17
You don’t owe more than your fair share and don’t buy their bullshit guilt trip
Chazzster 29
And that’s why I always ask for a separate check. The people insisting on a shared check are often the ones who are effectively mooching off their friends or colleagues.
DLBL 22
They're obviously communists, wanting other people's money.
GoogieWithers 24
"Cheap friend" = Someone who cannot be shamed into paying for something they didn't have.
sirrubberduckie 36
Yeah, you're the cheap friend. As in, so cheap that your coffee wouldn't have cost them much extra. I'd have offered to just split the cost of your coffee into everything else and have everyone except you pay for it, or just buy it for you if it made it easier. I can't imagine getting worked up over someone not wanting to pay more than they owe.