Today, I scratched a lottery ticket I had gotten for my birthday and won $10,000. In celebration, I jumped up and raised my hands directly into a ceiling fan. Oh, and it was a fake ticket. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a scratcher lottery ticket, scratched it in the store, and won $5,000! I screamed and danced around. The guy next to me shoved me over, yanked the ticket from my hands, and tore ass out the door. The cops couldn't find him. FML
Today, behind a cabinet, I found a scratch-off lottery ticket I hadn't scratched yet. After scratching it off, I realized it's a $2,500 winner. The lottery commission won't accept it because they stopped using that game 2 years ago. FML
Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML
Today, I won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five. He had no hands. FML
Today, I drove 3 hours to the Capitol and back to cash my winning scratch ticket of $2000. When I got there, it was pointed out to me that it wasn't in fact a winning ticket. I'd already planned a weekend vacation at an adventure park the next state over. I’m flat broke and rent is due. FML
Today, to prove a point to my brother that playing the lotto isn't a sure thing. I got a $10 scratcher. Thinking I'd get nothing or maybe just another scratcher, I ended up winning a free scratcher plus $100. The second scratcher I got an additional $50. Now he's even more confident he'll win every time. FML
Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML
Today, while buying lottery tickets, I mixed up "jackpot" and "scratch off" and asked for "$10 worth of jackoffs." FML
Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML
Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML
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Top comments
FFML_314 12
WOO HOO! You're a tall mother ******.
DONTrockMYroll 0
FYL!! :( hope your hand feels beetteerrr
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Comments (142)
A_Khalifa 0
It's called a *****, replace your broken fingers with that, girls will love ya!
partymamaMania4 0
i gave my freind one of those... she actally belived it... i told her i was fake and she still wont talk to me... its been 3 months
FFML_314 12
OK. I have a few questions. 1. What in the sam hell is a freind? 2. Is beliving another way of saying "lived through it" ? 3. Why on earth would you tell your friend that you're fake? I mean seriously, that's scary and honestly I wouldn't want to talk to a fake person either. People will start to think she's crazy. 4. Why the **** does anyone care?
xoxo31 0
hey, um, 23? she obviously meant to say it, not I. if she wants to post it, she has the right to whether you like it or not. so be a big girl and stop being so mean. k thanks(:
FFML_314 12
You're not offering me any other explanation and this upsets me. Do you need a tissue?
biass 0
I wouldn't go aginst FFML if I was you. I've seen multiple brave, dumb people fall at the hands of her.
FFML_314 12
You made me laugh, Killa! I mean really, am I that scary? LOL!
DocBastard 40
Dammit, pen, you beat me again. I had tried replying with a similar rebuttal (though mine was MUCH wittier and cleverererer than yours). Stupid reply bug.
FFML_314 12
Why don't you go ahead and say it anyway, Doc? You piqued my curiosity now! Don't leave a sista hangin.
biass 0
Not as much scary as intellectually intimidating. I just wouldn't want to get into an argument with you. Or any of your friends. You guys crush peoples will to type. It's funny to watch though.
DocBastard 40
Boo! pen, why such doubt? :) What I had said is that the Mighty FML Deity saw fit to create the "respond" feature so that commenters such as FFML could respond not only to the original poster, but also to the comments therein. Okay, maybe not witty, but perhaps clever?
FFML_314 12
They don't call me "Soul sucking, dream crushing, life ruining, tear licking bitch" for nothing. :D
tedirvine 2
I hate it when people say "kthanks" at the end of a sentence. it makes them sound like such douchy sons of bitches.
RedPillSucks 33
Doc, this seems worthy of the FML bible, FAQ or rules. I picture Morgan Freeman, or James Earl Jones saying it in his deepest voice.
FFML_314 12
You know what I hate? Crabs. Not the kind that live by/in/near or on the ocean, but the kind you get when you sleep around a lot and don't use protection. The kind you find on your toilet seat after your roommate comes stumbling in the house at 3 AM, piss drunk, with a dirty condom hanging off her sweatshirt. Yeah, that's what I hate.
RedPillSucks 33
FFML, were you channeling Pat Benatar? I'm a soul sucker, dream crusher, Nut buster, dont you mess around with me, no, no, no!
Schizomaniac 24
You Grammar Nazis are so mean.
thebeast9797 0
exaggeration much?
xoxo31 0
woo!
Braden1_fml 0
My friend did that to me... It sucked
persianlovaaa691 0
aw poor yu :(
perdix 31
Ceiling fan blades are not like Spinning Scimitars of Death. I've hit them several times and it's painless. What would have been an FML is if the fan chopped up your ticket . . . and it was real.
xoxo31 0
lol I was thinking the same thing about hittingthe real ticket.
UnicornsDoExist 0
That's what I thought happened at first!
tencentsakiss 19
I've stopped my ceiling fan with my hands several times. it didn't hurt in the slightest. Maybe they meant a plane propellor?
fireblait 0
Hahahaha that is a win
OceanMinded 0
****** canadians
bwhahaha_fml 10
what the hell is your problem you ass.
FFML_314 12
He doesn't have a problem. Didn't you get the memo? It's "Shout what you're doing at this very moment" day.
biass 0
Lol
RedPillSucks 33
I'd like to **** some Canadians. I hear the women are hawt. Is that what you meant?
FFML_314 12
Aha, I'm Canadian, so I guess you don't have to wonder anymore. We are /not/ hot. Yes, that is what I meant.
RedPillSucks 33
I beg to differ, FFML.... ok, I just beg, in general.
FFML_314 12
-Gasp- Thank you. :P
persianlovaaa691 0
hahah #75
hnz 13
nothing comes free in this world...
Fortuitous 0
Words of advice: write an FML when shit hits the fan.
_LoVe_CaThErInE_ 0
hahaha. :D
thegooseisloose 0
******* jews...
Mashit13 2
Well thats just uncalled for.