Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

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Rock, hard place

Property law

Clocked

By captainlame - 21/3/2013 05:59 - United States

Today, I returned from a 5-day cruise for my senior spring break, filled with gorgeous sorority girls from all over the country. I was seasick the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2012 18:58 - Canada

Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

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By kenabrookee - 3/4/2013 05:48 - United States - Northridge

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

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By Sonakshi - 11/9/2020 13:03 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Detained

Today, I forgot to bring a letter to my secondary school, so I went to detention. I told them it got lost, but it's only when my parents phoned and told them the same thing that they believed it. So I got detention for nothing. FML

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By Fangirl#1 - 29/10/2018 22:10

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2018 18:30

Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML

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By oddgrrl99 - 23/7/2013 22:42 - United States - Portage

Addicted

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

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By anonymous - 14/10/2016 03:46 - United States - Manchester

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 15:03 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my puppy went missing. I found him, unconscious but thankfully alive, in a taped-up box with no holes. My little brother eventually confessed to doing it because he wanted to sell my puppy on eBay. FML

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By HM - 6/4/2011 17:28 - Germany

Today, I found out that my entire class, me included, has to rewrite the painfully difficult midterm we wrote last week. All this because the Professor left the exams strewn across her desk. The cleaners thought it was trash and disposed of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2013 16:16 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

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By Mandy - 7/6/2010 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

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By Unreasonable - 23/3/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Bridezilla vs. the Coronavirus

Today, I received a threatening DM from my so-called best friend, telling me that she wouldn't be calling off her wedding next week, despite everyone telling her to postpone due for health and safety reasons, and would claw my eyes out if I stayed in quarantine with my sick mum instead of coming. FML

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By Kiki - 8/3/2013 21:22 - Poland - Myslenice

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

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By badsinger - 4/6/2010 09:38 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2014 14:34 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML

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By BDSM4Jesus - 20/1/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

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By bobafett892 - 2/10/2016 17:32 - United States - Atlanta

Today, while working at a cell phone store, I helped an older woman learn how to use her newly updated phone. After trying to help her for over 20 minutes, she threatened to throw her phone at my head. FML

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By tacoboy27 - 21/12/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my father has taken my copy of Modern Warfare 3, and re-wrapped it as a Christmas present. FML

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By somewhatlucky - 27/12/2011 09:42 - United States

Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML

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By number2 - 18/10/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

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By onemoreruinedthing - 24/1/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

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By Amber - 10/1/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

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By NewBride - 14/8/2013 17:39 - United States - Lincoln

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

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By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

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By notsoproudfather - 1/2/2016 15:54 - India - Pune

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

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By jacques - 2/2/2010 14:08 - Australia

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

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By NotTHATbad - 19/11/2016 17:26

Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML

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By Titatoum - 17/1/2015 21:12 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

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By dumped - 10/3/2011 21:42 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend haltingly dumped me over the phone. Faint splashes punctuated her grunting, straining sounds. FML

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By meh - 17/1/2018 09:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML

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By Eric - 27/2/2012 21:58 - United States

Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML

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By SlothyMolly - 6/3/2013 17:19 - United States

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

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By Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX - 12/11/2014 03:16 - United States - Spotswood

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

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By HereWeGoAgain - 24/1/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

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By ocroyalty - 1/2/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

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By Schuyler Davis - 21/9/2020 02:01

You're fired!

Today, my employer fired me, less than a week before I could become permanent full-time staff. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2014 21:35 - United States - Green Lane

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

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By psychedout - 10/8/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, "You snooze, you lose." Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML

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Top comments

By Renesaga | 8

#1533832 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:15

Get it on one condition: It's gotta be $19.95

By TheComputerGuy96 | 14

#1533852 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:33

Your tv doesn't even have a power button?????? Unplugging it might be dangerous, but a tv without a physical power button is weird. (And I have an LCD tv)

COMMENTS

By Renesaga | 8

#1533832 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:15

Get it on one condition: It's gotta be $19.95

Reply

BigBADBoY417 | 3

#1533889 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:36

u would no baby dick... jk

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1533982 - Monday 11 October 2010 20:26

If only Billy Mays could have been there... R.I.P. Billy

Anyway Op, here's an idea, TURN IT OFF OR GTFO!

that was easy.

FTCB.

Reply

pcakewafflebacon | 0

#1534095 - Monday 11 October 2010 22:27

of course you need one. It will turn yo vag into a péñ0r

Reply

pwincessa23 | 1

#1534803 - Monday 11 October 2010 23:40

lol WTF?? what would op use that for??? Op, go outside!! stop complaining about ur tv remote & get some phisical activity!!!

Reply

shaneac | 0

#1534921 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 0:22

Believe it or not, there are some buttons on the tv. If you press the buttons, they actually change the channel! Just like in the old times!

Reply

vivibeatles | 1

#1535114 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 1:29

shaneac....did you not read it? *i cant change the channel manually* i still think shecouldveturneditoff orwalked away..

Reply

spiderman2211 | 0

#1535148 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 1:39

#48, some cable terminals don't have any buttons on them so you need the remote that came with it to control the terminal

Reply

snagglepaste | 0

#1535404 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 2:23

You've been watching the tv for an hour? think of all the sandwiches you could have made in that time!

Reply

EffinAhole | 0

#1535852 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 4:03

The sandwich jokes are really not funny. Op- pick up a book

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#1535902 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 4:17

^^ This....
Turn of the TV and read a book or go for a jog for goodness sakes....

Reply

SwiftCashew | 0

#1536036 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 5:00

Your options are:

1) Break the TV with a hammer.

Problem solved.

Reply

MonkeyBusiness_fml | 3

#1536447 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 7:18

Why?

Reply

klutzycleo | 5

#1537088 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 11:50

@ 96, finally, someone who has some sense! Uhm, why not just unplug the TV if you don't wanna watch it?

Reply

pianogrl | 0

#1539924 - Wednesday 13 October 2010 2:39

17, win. RIP Billy Mayes. He has the power of selling anything by yelling!

Reply

FreeCandyVan | 0

#1554302 - Saturday 16 October 2010 4:04

yeah, the buttons work until they decide to stop workong...

Reply

simpleplan239999 | 1

#2373085 - Tuesday 19 April 2011 15:46

I think the sandwich jokes are hilarious. andd I'm a girl :P

By TheComputerGuy96 | 14

#1533852 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:33

Your tv doesn't even have a power button?????? Unplugging it might be dangerous, but a tv without a physical power button is weird. (And I have an LCD tv)

Reply

AppleCoFreak | 0

#3420126 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 4:28

This comment was posted exactly 1 year ago

Reply

AppleCoFreak | 0

#3420129 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 4:28

This comment was posted exactly 1 year ago

Reply

MrsDruidess | 23

#5778253 - Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:13

yeah, try turning the TV off! I am sure there are other things you could do. They use to make these things, their like a collection of words and stories, multi paged, bound together, I believe they were called books. . . it might just be a rumor but I believe in them.

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6253935 - Monday 6 April 2015 15:36

my tv doesn't have any buttons at all and its useless without the remote; I've had the same problems as op

Reply

GreekYogurt | 26

#6401143 - Thursday 3 September 2015 17:12

You need to brush up on your reading. Before you insult other people, check your spelling.

By nevada_girl | 6

#1533857 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:33

so...turn off the tv?

Reply

Bees_fml | 0

#1534061 - Monday 11 October 2010 21:43

Exactly. I say turn off the effing TV and go outside!

Reply

Poepiepiesie | 3

#1534174 - Monday 11 October 2010 23:26

Unplugging sounds life threatening indeed.

Reply

kofinater | 3

#1534958 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 0:33

I'm just wondering why she stayed there, she could of just gone on the computer and watch hulu or something, but no buttons is very very starnge

Reply

Bees_fml | 0

#1537680 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 14:20

Of?

Reply

0hSleeper | 0

#1582213 - Thursday 21 October 2010 19:07

# 51 You must be from the South. That is a common grammatical mistake down here. :)

Oh and penis pump lady......derp.

By lmfaoooooooooo | 4

#1533864 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:24

lmaoo!!

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1536200 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 5:54

rawrrrr

Reply

sublimefan | 0

#3333476 - Friday 23 September 2011 14:25

turn off the tv or get another remote?

By killabee | 0

#1533870 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:37

I bet looking for the remote consisted of lifting your fat rolls and checking your bowl of cheetos.
Get up and find the remote!!!

Reply

ArtOfDesire | 7

#1533913 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:46

Honestly,
get a life.
Take a walk, look around, and I'm sure you'll find something much more interesting than whatever's on TV.

Reply

Miss_Awesome_101 | 0

#2732879 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 22:39

your funny #6

Reply

maggieisbatman | 10

#5889395 - Wednesday 19 March 2014 4:29

Well geez what's your issue?

By bluefairy_fml | 24

#1533877 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:37

What sort of TV is that, without buttons?? Surely there has to be a way to turn it off, or you can simply unplug it. Unless you exagerrated for the FML's sake, you really deserved it.

By garza559 | 0

#1533881 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:39

lazy

By CitrusGirl | 0

#1533886 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:39

So go do something besides watching tv!

By hidingoutt7 | 0

#1533903 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:42

I'm starting to think I need one lol

By padlarf | 14

#1533909 - Monday 11 October 2010 19:44

power...
button...