Money: Today, behind a cabinet, I found a scratch-off lottery ticket...

By BigMoney - United States

Today, behind a cabinet, I found a scratch-off lottery ticket I hadn't scratched yet. After scratching it off, I realized it's a $2,500 winner. The lottery commission won't accept it because they stopped using that game 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45370

You deserved it

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Money

Sorry…

Triage

Taking stock

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16485

You deserved it

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By overexcited - United States

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

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15988

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By pheonixxe - United States - Sheridan

Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31844

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, I flew 1800 km with my two small children to a remote northern village for work. Our bags were lost, leaving us without winter gear and only one change of clothes. Just to make things extra fun, we now all have uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10030

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

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37070

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By frosho - United States

Today, I was sitting in a restaurant with my best friend. We had just competed in a pageant together earlier this month. A lady comes up to my friend who got first alternate and said,"You were robbed of that title. You deserved to win. I hated the winner." I was the winner. FML

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54351

You deserved it

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By Whatever479 - Ireland

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13692

You deserved it

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By SailorVenus93

Be reasonable, people

Today, at work, I was told at the beginning of my shift that we would be enforcing a 4-item limit on hand sanitizer, toilet paper, etc. Not even 20 minutes later, I had 2 customers bitch me out. This is going to be a long shift, if not year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1996

You deserved it

117

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By Anonymous - United States - Avon

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47233

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27820

You deserved it

3000

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By Flooded - United States

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

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26953

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML

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45077

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By kysier - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50282

You deserved it

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By samantha - 23/6/2020 02:02

Humblebrag in disguise

Today, while buying drinks, the cashier immediately refused me and said, “Don’t even bother showing me your ID, you’re obviously 12." I’m 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1554

You deserved it

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By SadAndDeaf

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56607

You deserved it

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By whatzthehell - Kuwait

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14582

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2021 10:59 - United States - San Diego

Nice parents you've got there…

Today, one of my fourth-graders came up to me and asked, "Can you please not put my test grades in the weekly folders? My mom likes to get mad when I get below a 90." FML

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819

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By Reno - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43597

You deserved it

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By Annoyed

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

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7896

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By SillyScotsman - United Kingdom - Hamilton

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

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51919

You deserved it

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By mandy - United States

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73141

You deserved it

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By Smittynumerouno - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had an old man yell in my face because the boxes in our store only had Spanish words on them. I spent 15 minutes apologizing and trying to explain that the English was on the back side. He stormed out before I could even show him. FML

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10683

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I start work in an office, with my mother. FML

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29478

You deserved it

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By Dave

Today, I said to a girl that I recently started dating, ‘I like you so far’. My phone had other plans and decide to autocorrect far to fat as I hit send. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2007

You deserved it

673

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By keimA

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1181

You deserved it

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By sammatthews2007 - United States

Call the cops

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

105267

You deserved it

7478

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33251

You deserved it

4884

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By snowbell18 - United States

Today, I had to pay my manager $10 just to take my stalker's order so I didn't have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23865

You deserved it

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By Stargirl - United States - Modesto

Today, in an attempt to support and encourage my efforts in getting a new job, my boyfriend said, "Imagine having triple what's in your bank account right now!" Triple what's in my bank account right now would be exactly $38.94. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5949

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my new car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5362

You deserved it

504

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43517

You deserved it

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By marie12 - Belgium

Today, I decided to have dinner with three friends to forget about the painful break up with my boyfriend. The first friend announced that she and her boyfriend had just bought a house, the second one that he was no longer single, and the third one revealed that she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40191

You deserved it

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By fuundmental/// - Australia

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43529

You deserved it

9931

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By Anonymous

Evil will always win

Today, I tried to suspend a junior accountant for turning up to work late and stoned 3 separate times. Turns out his uncle is a part owner of the business, so the accountant got to smile his smug little grin as I got yelled at for not minding my own business. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1965

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Janesville

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33375

You deserved it

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By thatsasquee - Canada

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45252

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 22:58 - United States

Family matters

Today, I met this girl who's perfect. Turns out, since I'm adopted, she might be my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

864

You deserved it

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By weddingcrashed - United States

Today, it is my wedding day. I couldn't find my very expensive wedding dress anywhere. After almost 2 hours of panic and chaos, I found it in my pool, covered in red paint, with a note on one of my lounge chairs reading, "Today is MY wedding day, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

79456

You deserved it

4294

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By Anonymous - United States - Phillipsburg

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19030

You deserved it

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By sadgf - United States

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

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54627

You deserved it

6097

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Top comments

By missbadluk | 0

#3254173 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:05

damn that blows

By Derp1256 | 0

#3254180 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:06

lmao XD Well, that sucks for u. But atleast it wasnt a $2milion winner, then ud feel worse.

COMMENTS

By 918jacob | 8

#3254171 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:05

Sucks

NeatNit | 32

#3254246 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:10

Why didn't you scrath it on the spot when you bought it 2+ years ago? YDI

Hayman68 | 4

#3254266 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:12

That's exactly what I was thinking.

ally_85 | 1

#3254952 - Thursday 8 September 2011 2:14

lawyer!

By missbadluk | 0

#3254173 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:05

damn that blows

daysgoby902 | 6

#3254571 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:53

that does that sucks

zbajis | 7

#3254689 - Thursday 8 September 2011 1:15

Your luck has expired. Literally.

GuitarFail123 | 9

#3255266 - Thursday 8 September 2011 3:53

haha this rly must suck, i hope this never happens to me!!!

Ali_Ridhima541 | 0

#3255386 - Thursday 8 September 2011 4:20

sucks for youuuu ;)

cali_dude | 5

#3255599 - Thursday 8 September 2011 5:08

You could have been $2,500 richer.

TheresNoEffingwa | 7

#3255827 - Thursday 8 September 2011 5:55

Damn, that hurt MY feelings

abbyelizabeth | 9

#3256116 - Thursday 8 September 2011 7:06

Just keep trying? Maybe you'll get another lucky one?
Nah let's face it, sorry OP but you missed your shot. >.>

Denikk | 0

#3256343 - Thursday 8 September 2011 8:37

Oh God, I'd really feel like shit... Like completely...

thatpreppyguy | 0

#3256358 - Thursday 8 September 2011 8:42

Lol, pfft $2500, I'd be bummed if it was 20 000

By Derp1256 | 0

#3254180 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:06

lmao XD Well, that sucks for u. But atleast it wasnt a $2milion winner, then ud feel worse.

Hayman68 | 4

#3254251 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:10

*you *at least *wasn't *$2 million *you would

forest1wolf | 9

#3254556 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:52

Watch out! Grammar nazi! :O

TheWindowLicker | 13

#3254585 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:57

There is a difference between grammar and spelling lol. In all honesty people being too lazy to type a few more letters is kind of annoying. D_D

elseanel | 0

#3254708 - Thursday 8 September 2011 1:17

Who cares if other people want to type 'u' than you. You arent them so shut up.

TheWindowLicker | 13

#3254731 - Thursday 8 September 2011 1:21

With all due respect 49, I wasn't insulting anyone nor was I mean to them. Sorry if I offended you but you need to relax. Just gave an opinion is all.

Jvr91 | 8

#3255015 - Thursday 8 September 2011 2:30

49 has a point it's FML not English class. Btw 49 Dallas going down! lol

gleeklove | 2

#3255048 - Thursday 8 September 2011 2:40

Ooohh catfight!! :P

MareNostrum | 0

#3255068 - Thursday 8 September 2011 2:47

Nazi is a proper noun, and should be capitalized.

COCKYmanUSC | 3

#3255139 - Thursday 8 September 2011 3:14

Grammar Nazi gets owned by the Grammar Nazi. This is better than cable!

sexylegs17 | 5

#3255575 - Thursday 8 September 2011 5:03

Who cares about someone's grammar? , and as long as you can read it , I think it's fine. It's FML comments, not a letter to the president .

liquidfireKAN | 0

#3255842 - Thursday 8 September 2011 5:59

I like to type properly on the Internet only so I don't mess up in school. Also I don't have to add apostrophes cause of auto correct.

GlitteryMasakali | 1

#3256233 - Thursday 8 September 2011 7:37

As long as you understand what is written, it's okay.

kings1fan | 6

#3256836 - Thursday 8 September 2011 10:52

Who gives a shit how people spell on fml! Obviously you can understand what they say

Lucidium | 0

#3306085 - Sunday 18 September 2011 5:50

Who cares about grandma its all the same.

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#5402902 - Tuesday 12 March 2013 21:54

16- do you really have NOTHING better to do??? :-$

By Hayman68 | 4

#3254182 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:06

irony, that is

emeraldchicky | 0

#3254302 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:17

how is that ironic??

oboewhore_xD | 6

#3254387 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:31

Irony* is.*

I think it's ironic that he/she corrected the grammar and spelling of the commenter above, yet fails to use correct capitalization and punctuation on his/her own post.

Garytt | 0

#3254454 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:38

*Looks at #31's profile information*

The irony

Dr_Jalepenos | 0

#3254521 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:48

Damn the only thing worse than reading a stupid comment is reading it twice.

MrSassypants | 32

#3254800 - Thursday 8 September 2011 1:38

Damn the only thing worse than reading a stupid comment is reading it twice.

It wasn't a stupid comment but I thought I would do it anyways. :D

bitchslapped22 | 14

#3254834 - Thursday 8 September 2011 1:50

31, you don't correct someone's grammar if they don't use caps and periods on FML, so shut the fuck up.

Jake_Darnell | 0

#3255017 - Thursday 8 September 2011 2:30

Oboe. That makes you awesome. :D

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#3256414 - Thursday 8 September 2011 8:48

I'm thinking that this guy thought we didn't hear him the first time. We were just trying to ignore such a stupid comment to begin with. I don't see the irony in this fml...