Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML
Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML
Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML
Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML
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Top comments
Exodiafinder687 58
For those who have just had lunch, are having lunch, or are about to have lunch do yourself a favor and don't look up "felching."
Ainarr 29
I don't even know what felching is. Public school these days. ):
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Comments (79)
RayvenWhite 12
Oh god....how does he even know what that is!? I'm pretty nauseous right now.
sthrnbell 9
Haha lol funniest fml I have ever read!
Intrigue 3
I'm curious as to what the factual errors were much more than the felching thing. As far as all kinds of crazy sex acts go, urban dictionary is your friend. I must say though, I had about 3 sex-ed courses throughout my academic career but learned a lot of stuff on my own from books and the internet in my teens, which was great for getting actual facts instead of misinformation, so good on your son for knowing how things really work. You probably won't have to worry about him getting some girl pregnant or spreading STDs. I had to vote YDI for waiting too long, but then again maybe it's better that he got the information from someone else first if you didn't have your facts straight.
lilchica22001 22
For the love of God and all that is holy....if you don't already know what felching is....DONT GOOGLE IT!! You have been warned.
clickme 17
YDI for waiting so long to have the talk and for allowing his input. They learn the birds and bees in first grade. Your talk is disease control / family planning. The world is such a brutal place to grow up in now :(
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Today, I learned what felching was and I learned what a strawberry shortcake is. I don't think I can eat ever again. FML
spookycat32 6
Please don't ever let your children know that you didn't want kids ...
Sinshine 28
Well, considering you apparently had a lot of things wrong on the topic, I guess I know why you have kids despite not wanting any...
Hangryko 32
YDI for not remaining childfree. Be a parent to your child.