Miscellaneous: Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. It was all the...

By chrono19 - 04/05/2014 10:11 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. It was all the stuff I'd forgotten there when visiting a month ago, along with some other things I'd left behind when I moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 414

You deserved it 5 666

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

The smell detective is on the case

Awkward

By Snufflopagus - 01/01/2014 13:26 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 329

You deserved it 10 541

By Unwanted - 02/08/2012 06:50 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss turned to everyone and said, "Allow me to escort this trash out of the office." Everyone cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 103

You deserved it 34 726

By touche :/ - 07/07/2013 21:27 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to a big job interview. Eventually, the guy subtly enquired about my political beliefs. He seemed pretty laid-back and cool, so I told him, at which point he just chuckled and told me to leave. When I threatened to report him, he just said, "Who're they gonna believe, you or me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 671

You deserved it 8 207

By Picky - 06/07/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 013

You deserved it 358

By GumStickExtraGmail - 14/09/2017 17:30 - United States - Arvada

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 658

You deserved it 597

By sexyswollen - 24/10/2009 17:14 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 898

You deserved it 3 120

Great work, son

By firestar772 - 12/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 739

You deserved it 5 452

By guest - 19/06/2014 01:14 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 673

You deserved it 5 545

Father of the year

By Harvey knicks grandad - 10/02/2021 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my son told me he failed to get into the army, which I didn’t know he was trying to do. Apparently he thought playing Call of Duty non-stop counted as "experience" and that he’d become an officer rank straight away, despite being 10-stone overweight with the brains of a tree stump FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 08/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was called a "disabled buzzkill" for not letting someone pet my service dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 464

You deserved it 226

By WarMachine68 - 06/06/2015 19:19 - United States - Shawnee

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 136

You deserved it 2 100

By Viciousvixen_21 - 02/04/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 605

You deserved it 12 226

By poor teacher - 23/09/2013 17:54 - United States - Syracuse

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 339

You deserved it 3 845

By Noname - 13/03/2009 20:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 988

You deserved it 7 905

By Auston - 17/07/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, at work, our team started a new sales strategy of selling flowers to men by asking them to buy one for their lovely ladies. The first guy I ask ends up crying and telling me his wife passed away a week ago. The woman with him was actually his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 493

You deserved it 5 139

By aylla - 06/01/2012 17:51 - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 893

You deserved it 2 390

By chevysprint - 28/02/2010 05:36 - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 397

You deserved it 33 320

Tsk Tsk

By whatiswrongwiththeworld - 14/07/2017 13:01

Today, I was told off by a random woman who said that I should be ashamed of myself for dating such an older man. I was having dinner with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 812

You deserved it 276

By coloris - 03/08/2019 00:01

Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 119

By Mike - 31/10/2009 04:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 821

You deserved it 6 721

Words which could only be your own

By kickout - 11/07/2021 19:59

Today, after I'd being sick all day, my boyfriend volunteered to do my very long sociology paper. I was later notified by my professor that the paper I'd submitted was completely plagiarized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 2 032

Overreaching

By Anonymous - 11/05/2021 00:01

Today, I was told I can’t wear a nose ring at my new job because several customers "don’t like it." It’s a very small nose ring and the job is a shack that serves food through a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 328

By phukt - 19/05/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 133

You deserved it 30 501

Deal with it

By arron - 20/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, in the middle of this heatwave, my mom has a fan in her bedroom and her precious dog has two fans pointing at her dog bed, which she apparently needs because she could overheat, poor thing. Meanwhile, I have zero fans in my room and can't sleep from the heat, but I get told to just deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 136

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 3 154

I'm gonna come

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 20:00

Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 223

By nothungry - 29/07/2009 00:47 - United States

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 262

You deserved it 5 133

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 18:41 - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 749

You deserved it 10 802

By darthinvader - 16/07/2010 00:17 - United States

Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn't bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 978

You deserved it 27 612

By DamnMyOvaries - 02/05/2017 17:00 - United States - Groves

Today, I fainted in the lunch line at school due to extreme period cramps, and ended up having to get seven stitches on my face. This is the third time I've fainted because of my period this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 455

You deserved it 509

By LostSoul - 01/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out why you never leave wet leather shoes in a van when it's over 90 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 1 175

Be happy for me

By IHaveThePower - 01/10/2021 20:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I got offered an interview for a great job. My father then spent the entire dinner telling me how pointless it was, and how I should apply to the factory next door because I would spend all the extra money on gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 58

By BIGCHEIFAAA - 24/04/2013 04:55 - United States - Union City

Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 555

You deserved it 22 850

By Radgirl - 28/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 334

You deserved it 58 407

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 14:24 - Spain - Zaragoza

Today, an old friend of mine landed in Spain, where he's visiting me. After a few minutes talking about where we should meet, we realized the reason he couldn't figure out where it was, was probably due to the fact that he was in Barcelona. I live in Madrid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 709

You deserved it 4 825

Classy

By 1234 - 11/07/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one rip. My husband yelled, "She likes to eat beans." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 477

You deserved it 10 404

Zapped

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 11:01 - Germany - Olbersdorf

Today, I got the worst electric shock ever, touching a wire that was connected to the electric fence only by a plastic isolator, made specifically to NOT conduct electricity. I still don’t understand how it was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 107

By S to the HIT - 08/04/2015 16:08 - United States

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 830

You deserved it 35 653

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 10:50 - United States

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 929

You deserved it 17 869

By Anonymous - 16/03/2011 12:53 - United States

Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 117

You deserved it 3 931

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Top comments

goodwithoutgods 20

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Sunday 4 May 2014 16:49

That's actually a pretty good present. At least they didn't sell your stuff.

PenguinBitch 43

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Sunday 4 May 2014 16:55

What did they say about your dildo?

Robtranis 11

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Sunday 4 May 2014 16:45

I bet your room is now a gym room for them.

Welshite 39

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Sunday 4 May 2014 16:58

Nah. It became his dad's Naked Room.

mfischer 17

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Sunday 4 May 2014 17:40

If OP's dad is anything like mine it's probably been the naked room for a long while. Unrelated question, anyone know a good therapist?

kaablam 17

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Sunday 4 May 2014 18:27

Good ol' Masturbatorium.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Sunday 4 May 2014 19:38

every room is a naked room.

mmaaccii17 7

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Sunday 4 May 2014 20:13

I see what you did there

AnOriginalName 19

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Sunday 4 May 2014 23:59

#10, why can't it be the gym room and the naked room at the same time?

Testing1234 25

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Monday 5 May 2014 3:02

ya #10 he can exercise his dick in the naked/workout room

bahamut357 16

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Monday 5 May 2014 11:04

The naked gym room?

cryssycakesx3 22

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Monday 5 May 2014 15:13

be careful not to drop any weights... yowch!

pratikp03 22

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Sunday 4 May 2014 16:45

Good old memories are back.

Bafrinn 14

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Sunday 4 May 2014 16:46

At Least You Got Your Stuff Back.

kaablam 17

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Sunday 4 May 2014 18:29

Terribly sorry about the thumbs down of a decent comment, but at the same time, you disgust me. Dafuq is that, a book title?

mfischer 17

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Sunday 4 May 2014 18:31

I Don't Know Why Anyone Capitalises Every Word Either, It Takes A Damnably Long Time.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Sunday 4 May 2014 19:03

could it somehow possibly be a keyboard setting? maybe they have the capital word saved in autosuggest? I just don't understand. lol it "disgusts" you

scice03 8

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Sunday 4 May 2014 19:45

I had NO clue damnably was a word.

4funzies 13

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Sunday 4 May 2014 16:46

I'm just going to say a simple 'sorry' OP.

cakefete2 30

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Sunday 4 May 2014 18:44

If you were going for a simple "sorry" then you missed the target by at least 7 words.

4funzies 13

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Sunday 4 May 2014 21:48

k. thanks guys.

Vanshikap 24

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Sunday 4 May 2014 16:49

um...at least they remembered ur bday,OP? in any case,happy birthday!:)

goodwithoutgods 20

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Sunday 4 May 2014 16:49

That's actually a pretty good present. At least they didn't sell your stuff.

leary96 15

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Sunday 4 May 2014 23:06

A good present? It was her stuff, some of which she didn't want.

addictedtosorrow 12

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Sunday 4 May 2014 23:43

How do you know she didn't want it? She says she forgot it and didn't leave it there.

XSimpleDesignX 18

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Monday 5 May 2014 1:29

they never said they didn't want it. However OP needs to learn to pick up after themselves. A lot of people would've thrown their crap out and considered it abandoned.

CrazyGirlfriend 21

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Friday 9 May 2014 3:37

it was their stuff....in what is technically someone else's apartment. if the parents dont want it there either then there isnt anything wrong with that. I dont get how this is a fml...parents arent saying she isnt welcome back home or that they dont love her. they probably just wanted to use the soace. obviously they believe she can make it on her own enough to not move back home soon.