Today, I received a book about sailboats. I'd ordered a book... - FML

By screw_this27 - 01/07/2019 12:00

Today, I received a book about sailboats. I'd ordered a book about makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 166

Batman

Insurance is a scam

Or does he?

By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 04:10 - United States - Seattle

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 952

You deserved it 7 238

By Anonymous - 03/01/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 019

You deserved it 50 593

By sigsigsignify - 06/12/2018 14:00

Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 386

You deserved it 382

By Notthemaid - 30/09/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about how my fiancé has been ignoring me and that I didn't know why. Turns out, my mother told him that I was too much of a handful, was mentally disturbed and also cheating on him. Just so I wouldn't move out and would keep cleaning her house for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 434

You deserved it 2 862

By JoJo - 17/10/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I realized that acne is a major side effect of a medication I'm taking. The medication is to help me with my anxiety. The acne is creating more anxiety. And the more anxious I get, the more meds I need. And the more my face breaks out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 986

You deserved it 5 172

By Anonymous - 02/05/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I helped my parents move out of their old house. While I was guiding my dad down the stairs with the couch, my mom asked me to pick up the tape on the step below me. I bent over and grunted. My dad thought I said "Go" and kept moving. He knocked me down two flights of steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 657

You deserved it 4 224

By Elle - 23/02/2011 21:07 - United States

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 437

You deserved it 22 329

Hello from the other side

By losthusband - 11/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 180

By hey-o - 23/02/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. off my hair. When I got there I decided to get my upper lip waxed for the first time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up for our date I asked if he noticed anything different about me, the first thing he said was "I see you got rid of you mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 165

You deserved it 10 784

Save Me

By bad doc - 01/10/2019 04:00

Today, I had to repeat myself multiple times and dumb down all my anatomical terms and symptoms while describing my illness to my doctor. I want to switch, but my insurance won’t cover another one for at least 60 more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 146

By Ariel_Mariaa - 04/11/2011 23:25 - Canada

Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 473

You deserved it 4 265

By me - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 978

You deserved it 35 294

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 952

You deserved it 61 207

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 05:26 - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 288

You deserved it 2 451

By Leenotgay - 25/09/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's totally convinced I'm gay. When I tried explaining that I can't be if I'm attracted to her, she took it as me thinking she's mannish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 272

You deserved it 3 635

By williebees - 28/11/2012 17:43 - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 458

You deserved it 2 410

Feeling ripped off

By EpicOracle - 02/10/2021 09:59 - Nigeria

Today, I woke up feeling out of step with life. Work owes me money for 6 months-worth of projects I did. I collected loans to take care of my sick dad and manage myself, and now my bosses are refusing to pay what they owe, so my account balance is blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 74

Social distancing

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 05:01

Today, we celebrated our daughter's sixth birthday. Out of the 30 invited, 7 showed up. The last one to cancel this morning told us she was ill. My daughter was in tears as this meant the last remaining playmate couldn't come. My wife later saw her tagged on Facebook at another party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 349

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 102

You deserved it 5 758

Been There

By PeppermintPenny - 10/08/2017 20:00

Today, a coworker and I had our second date at my place. He wanted to show me pictures of himself in some club, where he had been a member in highschool. He started typing his name into the google search bar and it suggested his name from when I had googled him months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 611

You deserved it 1 362

By Dani_Rich - 16/02/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding in a 25 MPH zone. As the cop was walking towards my car, I flicked my cig-bud out of my window. So, the cop did me the pleasure of writing me two tickets instead of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 968

You deserved it 173 005

By RickTooBomb - 05/10/2016 15:23 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 696

You deserved it 805

By feelinblue - 23/06/2009 11:31 - Australia

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 125

You deserved it 4 490

By apparentlyunsexy - 27/10/2011 04:00 - United States

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 131

You deserved it 3 942

By razzmataz - 28/01/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 906

You deserved it 3 133

By praise the prenup - 03/10/2012 00:04 - United States - Delaware

Spicy

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 748

You deserved it 3 018

By Doglover - 02/11/2017 14:00

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 929

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 06:55 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 062

You deserved it 1 590

By jnr1234 - 20/06/2012 02:15 - United States - Princeton

Today, I was sent a letter by the vet, saying my cat was late for her yearly checkup. My cat died last week and I'd had her cremated by the same people who had sent the letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 531

You deserved it 2 458

By Anonymous - 13/06/2013 18:56 - India - Pune

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 360

You deserved it 3 819

By Anonymous - 02/08/2010 01:59 - United States

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 184

You deserved it 38 932

By ccat209 - 20/12/2016 04:05 - United States - Riverton

Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 659

You deserved it 8 941

By jmac - 11/03/2012 03:06 - United States

Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 351

You deserved it 4 282

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 647

You deserved it 3 923

By Anonymous - 16/06/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 579

You deserved it 36 264

By patate - 02/05/2017 20:00

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 737

You deserved it 317

By gl0b3suck0r - 08/05/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 349

You deserved it 4 597

By squirts - 27/11/2013 04:42

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 151

You deserved it 5 301

By Anonymous - 27/06/2019 14:30

Today, I was so disgusted by my own body, I took a shower in the dark so I wouldn't have to look at myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 533

By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 10:57 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 151

You deserved it 2 301

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Top comments

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Monday 1 July 2019 13:37

Did you mean to send this to the vendor and got confused about what website you were posting on? The other day I received a shirt in the wrong size, so I guess FML too?

Send a private message

Monday 1 July 2019 21:21

oh for heavens sake. return it. I dont think it's a major crisis in your life.

Comments

Send a private message

Monday 1 July 2019 13:02

Use this as an opportunity to learn about something new! And while I'm not sure why you needed a book about makeup, online tutorials and going out to get actual makeup to practice with are usually better options than just reading about it, unless that's not what you wanted the book for 🤷🏽‍♀️

Send a private message

Monday 1 July 2019 13:37

Did you mean to send this to the vendor and got confused about what website you were posting on? The other day I received a shirt in the wrong size, so I guess FML too?

Send a private message

Monday 1 July 2019 21:21

oh for heavens sake. return it. I dont think it's a major crisis in your life.

turnabouttrial 19

Wednesday 3 July 2019 1:10

i don't believe anyone said it was a major crisis

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 July 2019 23:56

If this is the biggest FML of your life, I'm terrified to think of how you'd react to a real problem.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 July 2019 23:57

If this is the biggest FML of your life, I'm terrified to think of how you'd react to a real problem.

hamburgerjung 23

Send a private message

Friday 5 July 2019 13:38

Maybe it was the book stores way of telling you: ,, That ship has sailed...“ xP

millsjoshua949 12

Send a private message

Friday 18 September 2020 15:56

Seriously??? Send it back.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 55

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 49

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 109