Health: Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a...

By Dutchee - Netherlands

Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML

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21772

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Health

Ambien conversations are the worst

Sounds lovely

"Life is unfair…"

By youreajoker - Australia

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

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54438

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By Anonymous - Sri Lanka

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

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44244

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3342

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By Oops - United States

Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML

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13819

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By dudeyouarefired

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

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42618

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By not my idea - 27/4/2020 20:00

Not now, mom

Today, my mom learned via Facebook that my ex is now divorced. She took this as a "sign from God" that he’s my soulmate, and took it upon herself to try to set us up. Not only have I not talked to this fool since we broke up in high school, I’m not sure who’s more pissed off, me or my husband. FML

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2384

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112

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

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64002

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5494

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By jp_boards

Today, I went to the emergency room for a broken collarbone. This wouldn’t be so bad if my parents hadn’t paid $20,000 for me to go to a snowboarding academy all winter. Today was day one. FML

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4231

Phew, glad it wasn't me

944

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By Anon - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

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43944

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By Anonymous

Drives

Today, and for months now, the meds that stop me from killing myself have killed my sex drive. My boyfriend, being stressed at work, initially assured me that his was also non existent and not to worry. I found out he's been wanking every day and hiding it from me so I don't feel bad. Now I know, I feel fucking awful. FML

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2159

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By failure - United States - Hector

Today, in the middle of my online midterm, my computer decided to update and closed out of the test. It can't be retaken. FML

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39847

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Facebook, looking at pictures from a party I went to. In most of them, I was sitting on the sofa, my shorts bunched to the side, with half my vajayjay on show. FML

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21758

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By jobless - United States - San Francisco

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

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36937

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By Username - United States

Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML

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40537

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By JessP - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

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18493

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By MrsFart

RIP

Today, I thought I was all alone in the class, so I lifted up my leg and ripped a huge fart. One of my students was still in there. He told everybody. FML

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2543

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

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26772

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By mael - France

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

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44414

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By nobodywasthere

Today, I explained to my teacher that I wasn't at school yesterday due to three doctor appointments for my moderate epilepsy. Yesterday was senior skip day. She gave me detention for lying. FML

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4138

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333

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By nutcracker - Slovenia

Today, I tried to see if you can kick yourself in the nuts. You can. FML

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7165

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68185

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By blaaargh - United States - Seymour

Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML

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21033

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2149

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By audreyav - United States - Dallas

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

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26654

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By jalopenos - United Kingdom

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

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9719

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By ambiiii - United States - Marble Falls

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

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25479

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2021

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

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62368

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By TexasGirl24 - United States - Houston

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

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11530

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1183

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went our school's football game against their rival team. Before the games started, I got my school's logo painted on my face. After nearly 5 hours of watching the game, I went home to wash the paint off my face, only to find the logo had been sunburned onto my face. FML

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16262

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By Noname - United States

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

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29819

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By omgreally91 - United States

Today, I spent an hour photoshopping my face onto super skinny models as inspiration for a diet. FML

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11539

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30260

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a bunch of friends over for a party. My mom came stumbling into my room, crying about how she was officially menopausal, and that I was going to "die an only child." FML

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29156

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2305

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By yeueid - Estonia

Today, I found out that whenever I text my boyfriend something cute, he texts his friends and asks what to say in his reply. Basically, I've been talking to his friends all the time. FML

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19414

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts "GO F YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML

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32175

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By Anonymous - Germany - Berlin

Today, I excitedly told my brother I submitted a short story for a competition for the first time ever. His reply? "Congrats. I guess the first letter of rejection is a special occasion." Gee, thanks for that reality check. FML

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12339

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By John - Australia

Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office. When I came back out I noticed a bum in the front seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out, he stumbled off. I was then slapped with a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML

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30388

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6214

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By Owww

Today, I went to the dentist at 8:30 for a check up. I walked out at 2:00 with a root canal and several thousand dollars in debt. I guess I'm not having a wedding this year or quitting the job I hate. FML

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3591

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404

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML

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35553

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3567

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours unloading boxes into my new apartment. After unloading the entire truck and making trips up and down two flights of stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Apparently the landlord gave me the key to the WRONG apartment. Mine is downstairs. FML

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30541

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2923

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By kdubz23 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

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39782

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By "breemonster"

Today, I got an email notification. I opened up my email, and found m4m craigslist add responses. My boyfriend used my phone to login to his email yesterday. FML

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2328

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was such a coward that instead of breaking up with me, he changed his phone number. FML

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31710

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By SwinginSolo - United States

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

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55531

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Top comments

By Zmeilerr | 22

#3930081 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:01

if you mean blueberry pancake, you're off the hook.

By GoW_Chick | 14

#3930119 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:05

I know what you mean pancakes can be very beautiful ... *sniffle*

COMMENTS

By Zmeilerr | 22

#3930081 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:01

if you mean blueberry pancake, you're off the hook.

xkayxkayx | 5

#3930096 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

Nope, rainbow pancakes!

Zmeilerr | 22

#3930102 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:03

pancakes*

GoW_Chick | 14

#3930156 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:08

Choclate chip pancakes that your mother made into fun shapes, ahh the good ole days. :)

Exeggcute | 5

#3930173 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:11

Mickey mouse pancakes!!!!!

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3930223 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:19

Eggo ftw.

pinkcrayola | 0

#3930349 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:48

Ultimate blueberry rainbow chocolate chip unicorn shaped pancakes!

GoW_Chick | 14

#3930464 - Monday 23 January 2012 17:13

Hey 29 leggo of my eggo!

bitchslapped22 | 14

#3931001 - Monday 23 January 2012 19:32

Fuck Eggo, homemade is so much better

angrystare | 6

#3931051 - Monday 23 January 2012 19:39

Hes obviously refering to paincakes ( bad joke i know)

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3931449 - Monday 23 January 2012 21:07

iHop holiday pancakes.

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#3931530 - Monday 23 January 2012 21:25

Denny's grand slam pancakes. :o

NoWaySick | 0

#3932294 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:17

at least he hasnt found the universal beauty in waffles...

Blue waffles...

pookberry | 4

#3932355 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:38

Has anyone else noticed that you cannot make homemade pancakes taste like those made at a diner? :/

kiran_fml | 5

#3933215 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 3:48

144- I did it one time, and then I could never do it again :(

By kimee21_fml | 15

#3930084 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

I love pancakes!

SugarCrazy | 14

#3930154 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:08

Everybody does. Was it really necessary to voice your opinion about them, though?

GoW_Chick | 14

#3930167 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:10

That's kind of the point of FML...

kimee21_fml | 15

#3930170 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:10

Why do you mind so much I did? ...

florido_fml | 10

#3930242 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:23

I love pancakes tooooooo goo pancakes wooooooohhhh

aceman1992 | 9

#3930280 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:32

Is there really about to be a fight over pancakes on here?

GoW_Chick | 14

#3930339 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:46

Who wouldn't fight over pancakes?

Zmeilerr | 22

#3930379 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:55

#37 - just wait till there's a political or religious FML. Comments usually get closed.

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#3930955 - Monday 23 January 2012 19:25

Eww. Pancakes...

WAFFLES FTW.

aceman1992 | 9

#3931150 - Monday 23 January 2012 20:04

By the way 19, last time I checked FML wasn't ment for people to voice their opinions on pancakes.

GoW_Chick | 14

#3931204 - Monday 23 January 2012 20:12

True, but it is meant to voice your opinion on a FML story, and this one so happens to be about pancakes, so the comment was valid.

TJD28 | 3

#3931246 - Monday 23 January 2012 20:20

91 you do realize that a waffle is just a pancake with holes in it to hold syrup...

EvilPotato | 14

#3932142 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 0:15

20 because he's SugarCrazy :P.

ImInYourFACEbook | 8

#3932224 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 0:47

There will be no fighting over pancakes today! I brought the syrup so we are all good!

By brownov6969 | 4

#3930088 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

Yeah that is a bit odd

tparis123 | 5

#3930516 - Monday 23 January 2012 17:32

Whatever hes smoking I want some!

girl112891 | 7

#3931697 - Monday 23 January 2012 22:08

But pancakes ARE beautiful! They have this cushiony thing to them, so fluffy and smooth!

NAU_future | 7

#3932396 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:52

It's only odd If OP was sober, however if they made pancakes while high... Probably normal.

By So2011 | 4

#3930090 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

Pancakes are yummy.

koolkat27 | 13

#3932338 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:28

waffles are the same thing as pancakes, just with holes in it:/

By jonriise18 | 3

#3930092 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

Umm... this is FML. NOT WTF.

By obamathellama | 0

#3930093 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

Pancake Nirvana ftw?

RedPillSucks | 31

#3930123 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:05

more like "Pancake Nirvana, WTF?"

calithebandgeek | 0

#3930268 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:27

Nirvana means a state of perfect peace or enlightenment..

GoW_Chick | 14

#3930327 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:45

^ Thank you Webster...

hannahcorrine | 0

#3930443 - Monday 23 January 2012 17:09

"...I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment or.." hard being right all the time 34, isn't it?

By Mole116 | 4

#3930100 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:03

Yeah.. Probably want to get that head checked out.. :D

By nachos99 | 0

#3930104 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:04

I think maybe both...

By markrs | 0

#3930108 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:04

Ahh, a philosopher? Please, let's discuss this matter! Say, IHop?

ImInYourFACEbook | 8

#3932232 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 0:51

In this case I believe IHOP would stand for International House of Pyschos.

By GoW_Chick | 14

#3930119 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:05

I know what you mean pancakes can be very beautiful ... *sniffle*

brownov6969 | 4

#3930187 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:12

A touching moment in pancake history

cheefer | 0

#3932091 - Monday 23 January 2012 23:57

Can I touch your pancakes?

burtonbullet | 10

#3932325 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:24

I'm tearing up at the thought of them...:'-)