Health: Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a...

By Dutchee - Netherlands

Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML

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Health

Instadrama

There's no helping some people

Messed up

By Alejandroc - Honduras

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

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32073

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

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66930

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By Bullet - United States

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

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45151

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By The L word - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

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29823

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By mistletoe - United States - Miami

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

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54808

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By Anonymous - United States - Rockford

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

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32933

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By ihmmil

Belly Finger

Today, my husband was trying to be sexy. He asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger"! Major mood kill. FML

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2337

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By hot_mess88 - United States

Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML

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52995

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By Anonymous

Poor me

Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML

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1838

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By trauma is hilarious - 31/10/2020 17:59 - United States

CPTSD

Today, I was telling my new boyfriend some of my funny family stories. He gave me the most concerned look and asked honestly, “Have you ever thought about going to therapy?” Apparently the stories I told him not only weren’t funny, but pretty damn scary to him. Now he thinks I’m crazy. FML

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918

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By MERRY FUCKMYARSEMASS - United Kingdom

Today, my car broke down on the highway, and I had to call for a tow truck. It finally showed up, only to break down too less than a mile later. Cue nearly freezing to death while we waited for help to arrive for the both of us. FML

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By Anonymous - Europe

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

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By fastfoodslave - United States - Northampton

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

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By Carla

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML

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3716

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By Godfree - United States

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

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By DirtyNurse - 5/12/2020 07:01 - United States - Center Point

Such a rewarding career

Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML

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905

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143

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By goatvideosarelame - Singapore

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

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32358

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By Wtf is wrong with her - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to watch my drunk girlfriend yell at a cat for not having periods. The worst part is that she was at a pet store. The pet store at which I work. FML

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33807

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By minnie - 23/2/2021 04:58

#1 Mom of the Year

Today, while trying to walk past my mother in the hallway, I hesitated because she suddenly moved to the side. She screamed at me for a solid five minutes about not being able to "predict her movements." And she wonders why I’m suicidal. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 17:01

Bad timing

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

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1932

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By bakergirl - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

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28939

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 23:00

Appearance matters

Today, I tried thinking of the best way to kill myself without leaving my body intact enough for people to continue to judge. FML

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1290

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as it was supposed to snow today. I saw a man walking his dog and he waved at me. I waved back enthusiastically and realised I was naked. FML

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11089

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By Ouch - United States

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

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59599

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By Frenchgirl - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

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33156

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By Anonymous - United States - North Port

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 14:00

Alone time

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

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942

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML

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By PityKitty

Today, I pretended to cry in front of my cat because she doesn't cuddle with me anymore. Yeah, I tried to guilt-trip my cat into loving me. FML

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45083

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By NotThePotty - United States - San Francisco

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

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By goodbyeGPA

Today, the first day of school, I went to the book store to purchase my textbooks. Not only did I wait for 30 minutes, but they didn’t even have my books in stock. I was advised to visit another campus 45 minutes away. They didn’t have it either. I have assignments due already. FML

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2749

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By Braelynn

Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML

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38123

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By Foxy - United States

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

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By bex - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

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By mischalucksux - United States

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

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16724

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By Nasty - United States - Tallahassee

Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML

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12833

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a 10-hour shift that started at 5 a.m. We can't leave until relief comes and we don't get paid for overtime if our relief is late. The good news is my relief came early. The bad news is he went on a smoke break and never came back. They want me to stay until we close and I'm the only cashier. FML

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12747

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By Eternal Servitude - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pharr

Today, I finally got my driver's permit. To celebrate, my parents decided to go to a bar and make me wait in the car because I'm now the designated driver. FML

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Top comments

By Zmeilerr | 22

#3930081 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:01

if you mean blueberry pancake, you're off the hook.

By GoW_Chick | 14

#3930119 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:05

I know what you mean pancakes can be very beautiful ... *sniffle*

COMMENTS

By Zmeilerr | 22

#3930081 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:01

if you mean blueberry pancake, you're off the hook.

xkayxkayx | 5

#3930096 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

Nope, rainbow pancakes!

Zmeilerr | 22

#3930102 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:03

pancakes*

GoW_Chick | 14

#3930156 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:08

Choclate chip pancakes that your mother made into fun shapes, ahh the good ole days. :)

Exeggcute | 5

#3930173 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:11

Mickey mouse pancakes!!!!!

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3930223 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:19

Eggo ftw.

pinkcrayola | 0

#3930349 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:48

Ultimate blueberry rainbow chocolate chip unicorn shaped pancakes!

GoW_Chick | 14

#3930464 - Monday 23 January 2012 17:13

Hey 29 leggo of my eggo!

bitchslapped22 | 14

#3931001 - Monday 23 January 2012 19:32

Fuck Eggo, homemade is so much better

angrystare | 6

#3931051 - Monday 23 January 2012 19:39

Hes obviously refering to paincakes ( bad joke i know)

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3931449 - Monday 23 January 2012 21:07

iHop holiday pancakes.

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#3931530 - Monday 23 January 2012 21:25

Denny's grand slam pancakes. :o

NoWaySick | 0

#3932294 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:17

at least he hasnt found the universal beauty in waffles...

Blue waffles...

pookberry | 4

#3932355 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:38

Has anyone else noticed that you cannot make homemade pancakes taste like those made at a diner? :/

kiran_fml | 5

#3933215 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 3:48

144- I did it one time, and then I could never do it again :(

By kimee21_fml | 15

#3930084 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

I love pancakes!

SugarCrazy | 14

#3930154 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:08

Everybody does. Was it really necessary to voice your opinion about them, though?

GoW_Chick | 14

#3930167 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:10

That's kind of the point of FML...

kimee21_fml | 15

#3930170 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:10

Why do you mind so much I did? ...

florido_fml | 10

#3930242 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:23

I love pancakes tooooooo goo pancakes wooooooohhhh

aceman1992 | 9

#3930280 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:32

Is there really about to be a fight over pancakes on here?

GoW_Chick | 14

#3930339 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:46

Who wouldn't fight over pancakes?

Zmeilerr | 22

#3930379 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:55

#37 - just wait till there's a political or religious FML. Comments usually get closed.

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#3930955 - Monday 23 January 2012 19:25

Eww. Pancakes...

WAFFLES FTW.

aceman1992 | 9

#3931150 - Monday 23 January 2012 20:04

By the way 19, last time I checked FML wasn't ment for people to voice their opinions on pancakes.

GoW_Chick | 14

#3931204 - Monday 23 January 2012 20:12

True, but it is meant to voice your opinion on a FML story, and this one so happens to be about pancakes, so the comment was valid.

TJD28 | 3

#3931246 - Monday 23 January 2012 20:20

91 you do realize that a waffle is just a pancake with holes in it to hold syrup...

EvilPotato | 14

#3932142 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 0:15

20 because he's SugarCrazy :P.

ImInYourFACEbook | 8

#3932224 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 0:47

There will be no fighting over pancakes today! I brought the syrup so we are all good!

By brownov6969 | 4

#3930088 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

Yeah that is a bit odd

tparis123 | 5

#3930516 - Monday 23 January 2012 17:32

Whatever hes smoking I want some!

girl112891 | 7

#3931697 - Monday 23 January 2012 22:08

But pancakes ARE beautiful! They have this cushiony thing to them, so fluffy and smooth!

NAU_future | 7

#3932396 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:52

It's only odd If OP was sober, however if they made pancakes while high... Probably normal.

By So2011 | 4

#3930090 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

Pancakes are yummy.

koolkat27 | 13

#3932338 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:28

waffles are the same thing as pancakes, just with holes in it:/

By jonriise18 | 3

#3930092 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

Umm... this is FML. NOT WTF.

By obamathellama | 0

#3930093 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:02

Pancake Nirvana ftw?

RedPillSucks | 31

#3930123 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:05

more like "Pancake Nirvana, WTF?"

calithebandgeek | 0

#3930268 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:27

Nirvana means a state of perfect peace or enlightenment..

GoW_Chick | 14

#3930327 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:45

^ Thank you Webster...

hannahcorrine | 0

#3930443 - Monday 23 January 2012 17:09

"...I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment or.." hard being right all the time 34, isn't it?

By Mole116 | 4

#3930100 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:03

Yeah.. Probably want to get that head checked out.. :D

By nachos99 | 0

#3930104 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:04

I think maybe both...

By markrs | 0

#3930108 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:04

Ahh, a philosopher? Please, let's discuss this matter! Say, IHop?

ImInYourFACEbook | 8

#3932232 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 0:51

In this case I believe IHOP would stand for International House of Pyschos.

By GoW_Chick | 14

#3930119 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:05

I know what you mean pancakes can be very beautiful ... *sniffle*

brownov6969 | 4

#3930187 - Monday 23 January 2012 16:12

A touching moment in pancake history

cheefer | 0

#3932091 - Monday 23 January 2012 23:57

Can I touch your pancakes?

burtonbullet | 10

#3932325 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:24

I'm tearing up at the thought of them...:'-)