Intimacy: Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 543

You deserved it 5 810

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Good boy, best boy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2020 14:01

Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 418

By Darling_Cherry - 02/01/2010 21:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 174

You deserved it 6 941

Little bundle of fluff

By Anonymous - 23/09/2025 22:00

Today, I have concluded that my new girlfriend is a cat. She ignores me 99% of the day, nuzzles me when she does want attention, gets the zoomies randomly twice a day, her snoring legit sounds like she’s purring, and when she gets real mad, she scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 112

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 345

Unloveable

By sal - 27/09/2020 05:02 - Canada

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 301

My one true friend

By When all else fails, talk to the kitty - 21/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I realized my cat responds to and interacts with me when I talk to her more than my own parents do when I talk to them. Actually, that statement applies to pretty much everyone I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 104

By izu - 16/09/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 223

You deserved it 2 758

By Jack - 10/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 673

You deserved it 2 515

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 505

You deserved it 4 522

By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 535

You deserved it 21 939

Next

Top comments

Calen5556 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

I'm not sure if "intimate" is the best word choice to describe your relationship with your cat

klimp 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

That is incredibly disturbing. Do you lick that pussy?

Comments

jacob4592 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:52

Don't trip man it's hard now a days keep your head up, keep asking the worst that could happen is they say no and your in the same spot!

monkiki62 5

Monday 30 January 2012 1:52

I question ur pro pic. U must be gay. :)

perdix 29

Monday 30 January 2012 1:54

Are you ******* your cat? Your penis must be very small. Don't expect a human female to be satisfied with a **** that is small enough for a house cat. If she's a lioness, thumbs up, bro!

redbluegreen 40

Monday 30 January 2012 2:08

What feline would resist a nice juicy ****? Regardless of size, it doesn't matter once it's deep fried.

quite_bored 9

Monday 30 January 2012 2:47

Remind me to never have dinner at redbluegreen's house.

perdix 29

Monday 30 January 2012 3:44

Yikes, RBG, I had to ice down my dick after I read that, and not for the fun way.

DocBastard 38

Monday 30 January 2012 1:54

What kind is your favourite? Siamese? Persian? Afghan? Domestic longhair? I mean the cats. Or do I?

McDonaldsworker 4

Monday 30 January 2012 2:05

lol...took me a sec to get it...

Acousticpixie14 6

Monday 30 January 2012 3:54

Damn, Doc, you're still on here?

upyourzlolz 11

Monday 30 January 2012 4:43

Damn, Acousticpixie14, what the **** made you think he'd leave?

DocBastard 38

Monday 30 January 2012 4:43

Nope Pixie, I left a long time ago.

Acousticpixie14 6

Monday 30 January 2012 6:07

I don't know. I left about a year ago, when I had my baby. Didn't think I'd see anyone familiar upon returning. Pleasant surprise.

ninjuh_wingman 29

Monday 30 January 2012 1:54

Cats arent the most sociable creatures. Get a dog.

micahsmommy 13

Monday 30 January 2012 1:58

I understand you're from Kentucky but just how intimate are you with your cat?

CaptainPickles72 18

Monday 30 January 2012 21:14

Yeah, if you **** with Kentucky, you **** with chicken.... not literally though, not like this cat ****** probably would!

pslcdsl 9

Monday 30 January 2012 1:58

Intimate w-with your c-cat? This just sounds wrong...

McDonaldsworker 4

Monday 30 January 2012 2:07

Hey #14 what do you mean? I'v never had a girlfriend with dandruff!

patzz12 0

Monday 30 January 2012 2:14

I see nothing wrong with that

cassiebear7652 7

Monday 30 January 2012 2:14

Pathetic.

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 274

You deserved it 5 374

Today, I ordered a graduation cake from a woman at the grocery store. She asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I said "Congratulations Annie". Then she asked me who was ordering and I said "Annie". I had to order my own cake. The woman was silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 981

You deserved it 6 742

Today, I finally got tired of my neighbors constantly blaring their obnoxious rap music all hours of the day and night. Trying to be funny, I put Baby Shark on a loop and turned my speakers all the way up. They called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 576

Today, I parked in a disabled bay so I could drop my son off at his appointment. My son uses crutches and has a blue badge. As I was trying to leave, an absolute Karen started chewing my ass for using a disabled bay while “not looking disabled”, then lay under my wheels to stop me leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 88

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 022

You deserved it 14 255

Today, after hours of waiting and $300 spent, I find out my transmission is dying. My car is old, so the price of rebuilding it is more than it's worth. That's money well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 107