Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML
Today, I have concluded that my new girlfriend is a cat. She ignores me 99% of the day, nuzzles me when she does want attention, gets the zoomies randomly twice a day, her snoring legit sounds like she’s purring, and when she gets real mad, she scratches. FML
Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML
Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML
Today, I realized my cat responds to and interacts with me when I talk to her more than my own parents do when I talk to them. Actually, that statement applies to pretty much everyone I know. FML
Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML
Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML
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Top comments
Calen5556 0
I'm not sure if "intimate" is the best word choice to describe your relationship with your cat
klimp 0
That is incredibly disturbing. Do you lick that pussy?
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Comments (227)
jacob4592 0
Don't trip man it's hard now a days keep your head up, keep asking the worst that could happen is they say no and your in the same spot!
monkiki62 5
I question ur pro pic. U must be gay. :)
perdix 31
Are you ******* your cat? Your penis must be very small. Don't expect a human female to be satisfied with a **** that is small enough for a house cat. If she's a lioness, thumbs up, bro!
redbluegreen 41
What feline would resist a nice juicy ****? Regardless of size, it doesn't matter once it's deep fried.
quite_bored 9
Remind me to never have dinner at redbluegreen's house.
perdix 31
Yikes, RBG, I had to ice down my dick after I read that, and not for the fun way.
DocBastard 40
What kind is your favourite? Siamese? Persian? Afghan? Domestic longhair? I mean the cats. Or do I?
McDonaldsworker 4
lol...took me a sec to get it...
Acousticpixie14 6
Damn, Doc, you're still on here?
upyourzlolz 11
Damn, Acousticpixie14, what the **** made you think he'd leave?
DocBastard 40
Nope Pixie, I left a long time ago.
Acousticpixie14 6
I don't know. I left about a year ago, when I had my baby. Didn't think I'd see anyone familiar upon returning. Pleasant surprise.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Cats arent the most sociable creatures. Get a dog.
micahsmommy 13
I understand you're from Kentucky but just how intimate are you with your cat?
CaptainPickles72 18
Yeah, if you **** with Kentucky, you **** with chicken.... not literally though, not like this cat ****** probably would!
pslcdsl 9
Intimate w-with your c-cat? This just sounds wrong...
McDonaldsworker 4
Hey #14 what do you mean? I'v never had a girlfriend with dandruff!
patzz12 0
I see nothing wrong with that
cassiebear7652 7
Pathetic.