Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML
Today, I have concluded that my new girlfriend is a cat. She ignores me 99% of the day, nuzzles me when she does want attention, gets the zoomies randomly twice a day, her snoring legit sounds like she’s purring, and when she gets real mad, she scratches. FML
Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML
Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML
Today, I realized my cat responds to and interacts with me when I talk to her more than my own parents do when I talk to them. Actually, that statement applies to pretty much everyone I know. FML
Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML
Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML
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Top comments
Calen5556 0
I'm not sure if "intimate" is the best word choice to describe your relationship with your cat
klimp 0
That is incredibly disturbing. Do you lick that pussy?
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Comments (227)
Ozuru 11
You did word it...wrong...but still people, he doesn't have sex with his cat.
OhHushDear 11
How do you know? It doesn't say so O_o
Shrike 24
Yeah, you don't know that. Stop ruining our chance to act disgusted and insult random strangers, man.
McDonaldsworker 4
Hey #13 what's wrong with you man? Stop hating on true love!
hawkey126 0
Don't you know what FML is for?
ChaosAngel17 14
It's definitely not for laughs.
mpsteve137 15
All the man wants is some damn pussy.
McDonaldsworker 4
lol gimme my pussy!!!
upyourzlolz 11
Pussy is pussy.
monkiki62 5
Psh I enjoy my cats company over my boyfriends. Cats aren't needy and up ur ass. Lol
redbluegreen 41
Agreed, but I do have to say, if there's a cat up your ass you're probably not wiping correctly.
monkiki62 5
Prolly not. But at least I know where my kitty is. Lol
McDonaldsworker 4
I'm not sure if you would want to talk to your Doctor or your vet first lol
McDonaldsworker 4
At least OP you can tell your friends your "chilling with pussy"
loller27 6
you can't expect a cat to love you
KiddNYC1O 22
Batman did.
Acousticpixie14 6
Well maybe if you didn't spend so much time with your cat, you'd have a girlfriend?
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
I think you mean 'fickle'.
JukeboxValkyrie 19
Perhaps find a woman who...likes cats as much as you do?
McDonaldsworker 4
Great idea #26, I think they are called lesbians lol
jessimica642 8
Yeah have you seen the on YouTube the eHarmony video of the woman who loves cats? Check it out I bet she's still single ;)
chelseaaa92 7
You need to get out there and find you a woman!! Online dating profile? Must love cats!;)
stevenmx86 8
It's pathetic that you even consider your cat when trying to recall intimate relationships..