Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML
Today, I have concluded that my new girlfriend is a cat. She ignores me 99% of the day, nuzzles me when she does want attention, gets the zoomies randomly twice a day, her snoring legit sounds like she’s purring, and when she gets real mad, she scratches. FML
Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML
Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML
Today, I realized my cat responds to and interacts with me when I talk to her more than my own parents do when I talk to them. Actually, that statement applies to pretty much everyone I know. FML
Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML
Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML
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Top comments
Calen5556 0
I'm not sure if "intimate" is the best word choice to describe your relationship with your cat
klimp 0
That is incredibly disturbing. Do you lick that pussy?
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Comments (227)
yscpunkchick 14
Uhhh...... Wrong pussy dude.
jessimica642 8
I love cats... Sorry I'm getting a little emotional. I just love them so much... I want to hug (sob) every cat in the word. But I can't cuz that's crazy! But I want too!
tylerryder 4
What the **** do you do with your cat?!?!
EminemHugeFan 0
Forever Alone!
Swagg47 0
Disturbing
Rhysviri 10
Pussy cat, anyone?
ilovekaedyn 0
If I was a cat you you were intimate with me, ****, I'd run too
anonymous1404 1
You should try Eharmony or one of those internet dating sites of something that gets you perfect match. it may help :)
CaptainPickles72 18
Yes, finally a man for all those crazy cat ladies out there!
SxeDaze 13
Dare I say it?? *puts on glasses* looks like these FML Moderators are going to have a ... CATACLYSM moderating all these pussy jokes. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhh!!!
Coffeebang 17
:(