Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML
Today, I have concluded that my new girlfriend is a cat. She ignores me 99% of the day, nuzzles me when she does want attention, gets the zoomies randomly twice a day, her snoring legit sounds like she’s purring, and when she gets real mad, she scratches. FML
Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML
Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML
Today, I realized my cat responds to and interacts with me when I talk to her more than my own parents do when I talk to them. Actually, that statement applies to pretty much everyone I know. FML
Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML
Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML
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Top comments
Calen5556 0
I'm not sure if "intimate" is the best word choice to describe your relationship with your cat
klimp 0
That is incredibly disturbing. Do you lick that pussy?
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Comments (227)
kreepers 6
Getting intimate with your cat is just disturbing. Unless you're a cat too. Which isn't exactly possible!
loveanthony645 5
Get a dog
toalysium 15
A single guy with a cat? You might as well buy some leather pants and a rainbow bumper sticker.
Cojoe13 0
Haha Forever Alone I feel bad for u
zeromarth 2
micheal is that you?
rubberduckie94 13
Oh my. It's a sad day to be from Kentucky. What the world must think of us.
bballforward33 10
U have a cat and wonder why u cant get girls?
Hollow321 2
Ummm. This probably could have been worded better. I feel sorry for you, actually. Good luck in the long run, bud.
twisted_cherub 14
First, stop being a dude who cares that much about his cat. Then, stop caring whether or not the cat likes you. If a guy has a cat, his only concern should be if it's healthy or not. For a cat to like someone, that person has to put a lot of time & effort into making the cat happy. That tells a girl you're clingy and over-emotional. Now, man up, get a puppy (so it gets along with the cat) and use the puppy to get attention from human women.
twisted_cherub 14
And for the love of humanity, get a breed of dog that's manly. No "toy" anythings. Nothing that can be considered a lap dog. No "miniatures" either.
CaptainPickles72 18
I feel sorry for any man that will get with you.
duncanbaseball 0
You get intimate with your cat? What is wrong with you?????