By Anonymous - 04/05/2016 14:15 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell
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That's brilliant actually. I would also suggest the birth control shot or implant (the one that goes under the skin in the arm) since she can't be trusted to take a pill or use condoms. If you know a birth center that has the baby dolls that simulate a new born, I would suggest getting one of those as well. Let her get the full experience of feedings, diaper changes, crying, lack of sleep... If you have a friend of family member with a baby or toddler, ask if she can baby sit for a day while you supervise to make sure nothing does wrong. Have her start doing household chores, paying bills, pricing diapers, formula, baby clothes, medicine, soap, baths, toys and anything else baby related. Let her figure out that you won't pay for the child and she'll have to get a job, stay in school or get her GED and find childcare while she's doing both on top of possible other housing. Talk to her boyfriends parents and get them on board as well and teach them a lesson they won't soon forget.
#20 that is beyond amazing. Completely agree. If she wants to have a baby, she has to understand that her parents aren't going to pay for it, and she has to be financially able to do so. Which at 15, there's no way. I don't know if the UK works like this, but in Australia, you have to be 15 to get a job, and you get very little for doing so. So there's no way she could afford to have a baby at that age if she were in Australia, and depending on when her birthday is, if she were to fall pregnant now and have the baby before she was 16, she'd struggle immensely because she's still too young to qualify for any sort of government payment, which she shouldn't be relying on either, since it's barely enough to live off.
Sadly, the youth can be so short sighted that they can't see but what's in front of their faces. Every action has reactions; it's the parent's job to teach kids to think about the consequences of everything they do. #20, you have the perfect idea to instill this principle!
I would also suggest looking deeper into why she wants a baby. When I was 16 and had pregnancy scares with my boyfriend, I actually wanted the test to come back positive (thank GOD none of them ever did). The reason I wanted a baby so bad is because I wanted to fill a void of being unloved and being abused as a child, I just wanted something to live for. I understand this thinking is illogical now but that was my thinking then. As someone else suggested inform the boyfriends parents if he's underage, which I hope he is, but you never know. A former friend of mine purposely got pregnant at 16 by a 24 year old homeless man. She eventually had to give custody to her older, married, sister who already has 3 kids.
You really need to talk to her. It's not easy to handle a baby.
So, 30, your advice is for OP to threaten and intimidate somebody else's child rather than talking to and dealing with their own child? Yes, OP should also talk to the boyfriend's parents, but, really, it sounds like OP needs to get *more* involved in their daughter's life, not less.
Even better, show her videos of women giving birth. Should make her realize she isn't ready.
If someone can't handle videos of the procedure to give birth- be it cesarean or natural- they don't need to be putting themself in a position where they will experience those things first hand. If someone is so sensitive they would suffer mental trauma from videos about birth, then they don't need to be anywhere near anything that would relate to them giving birth. As it stands, the emotional truama of birth-videos probably is the lesser evil when compared to the emotional trauma of getting pregnant, giving birth, and trying to care for an infant, let alone trying to care for an infant completely, without neglecting their mental or emotional needs. Especially since teenagers aren't exactly know for having the best handle on their own emotional needs. And that is disregarding any sort of emotional truama from birth or pregnancy complications, both of which have heavily increased chances of occurring in teenage pregnancies. Then there is ALSO post partum depression, which, again, a teenager would probably deal with worse than an older person with a more settled identity. So, minor trauma from watching a video that she would probably be show if she did get pregnant, or the absolute shitstorm of trauma that an actual pregnancy, birth, and baby would cause.
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well, that's something you don't see every day. teach her what it REALLY means to care for a child. truthfully. teach her the good and bad aspects of it. then, if she still wants a child, let her. and support her for her choice, and respect her for making an informed choice, if you did teach her like i suggested. i know this seems, well, radical, but i believe good education and informed choices trumps anything else you are likely to try.
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the grandparents raising the child was implied. and yes, i realized that the girl was 15. in other words, smart enough to learn. and realize the consequences of her actions. if i was in the OP's situation, i would be strict in making her know this stuff, as well as the usual safe sex options and all that, but it wouldn't be up to me to decide things for her.
I don't think this child is capable of making a logically sound choice, informed or not. Her brain won't even be done developing for another decade or so. She's uneducated, immature, and far from self-sufficient. If she's dumb enough to want a kid at this point in her life, she's obviously on the slow side, since both I and everyone I knew at the age of 15 would've found the idea of parenthood repulsive at such a young age. I'm sorry if I come across a bit strong, but this girl's wish to have a baby is just an example of pure stupidity and ignorance... and the mere idea of letting her go through with it sickens me.
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Your attitude of thinking children cannot make a logically sound choice because they are still developing is, quite frankly, one of the most insulting things I have heard. There is a reason I chose to try and understand things, to try and teach and assume that they are capable of making an informed choice. The bullshit you said, I went through that from stupid adults, including my family. I hated it and I still hate it. If I ever have children, I want to be a good, caring and understanding parent. I can't do that if I think they are incapable of making informed choices... Might as well go back to being evil.
Those "stupid adults" have more life experience and knowledge than any 15-year-old on this planet. At 15, I very much considered myself still a child and couldn't have been responsible enough for a baby. I didn't even have a driver's license or a car, or even a job. Most likely, the baby would have to be taken care of by its grandparents, and that wouldn't be fair to them or the child.
#45, of course children can make logically sound and informed choices even though they're still developing. But they can't make the choice to try for a baby at the age of 15 because they don't realize the potential consequences. Basically, when a girl starts her period, she's physically ready to have a kid, but that does NOT mean she is mentally ready. This girl is barely into puberty. She's not ready.
@45 I'm sorry if your adolescence was a negative experience for you, but it's neither here nor there. I did not mean to imply that all children cannot make logically sound decisions because they are still developing. My comment pertained solely to OP's daughter. This FML only gives me reason to believe that she is, definitively speaking, an idiot; she wishes to have a child at FIFTEEN years of age, which has plenty of negative consequences and no apparent justification in this day and age. She lacks the age, maturity, legal adult status, and resources of a prospective mother. Luckily, she is young enough to have potential for substantial development over the next several years; hopefully this can remedy her apparent lack of foresight and capacity for rational thought. To clarify my stance on this matter, since it was apparently misinterpreted in my first comment: I'm not some crotchety, traditionalist old man who wants to oppress teenagers, and I'm not just against OP's daughter having a baby because she's an immature and undeveloped child. I'm against it because the FML gives me no reason to believe she is anything more than an utter moron, a moron who isn't prepared to raise a child. I don't like it when morons procreate.
#7 I kinda get what you're saying, but I still disagree. I mean, I do know that in similar situations some parents would immediately disown their children and send them into foster care or whatever (or even worse in some places). However personally, I don't think I could ever bring myself to do that, so I guess in the perspective of those other parents I would be "supporting" her. HOWEVER I would in no other way "let and support her." If I told my daughter why it was unwise and yet she insisted on it anyways, she can say goodbye to time with her bf, and hello to being grounded with a baby simulating machine. Similar to how I can punish my kids for insulting others because it is harmful to themselves and others (even if it's "legal" and I have "informed" them of why they shouldn't and it's "their choice"), I can do the same in this situation. And I would not respect her decision, because it is completely unwise and illogical. She has NO way of taking care of the baby. How could a responsible parent encourage and support their child to do something which has the potential to harm them in so many ways? Teen pregnancy can not only harm her (ie: effect on the development of her bones, financial difficulties, increased chances of dropping out, etc...), but it can also harm those around her (the baby, her friends/family, society, etc). I could understand an unwanted pregnancy, but actually supporting her as she PLANS to get pregnant? No. And if she somehow managed to have to baby anyways...then like I said I won't kick her out and obviously I wouldn't let an innocent baby starve. But I would only help her to a certain point. She willingly chose to give up her childhood for motherhood, which means I will ONLY help when she is either at school and/or working a job (till a certain age). No more friends or leisure time for her. Maybe she will be more responsible from then on, and maybe she will continue loving the child (instead of treating it the way some kids treat their pets when it's "harder" to take care of then they thought) and be a good mother. And at that point I could respect her for becoming the person she had. But I still wouldn't respect her initial decision.
32, you say the grandparents raising the child was implied, yet they should allow their daughter to get pregnant anyway if she chooses. Why should a fifteen year old be allowed to make such a heavy decision that could potentially (and most likely) affect the other people in her family? I agree with you that teenagers should be allowed some level of autonomy in their lives and that that can be a great learning/life experience, however allowing (and tacitly approving) a fifteen year to make (and follow through with) a decision like this is absurd. As much as you want your children to learn independence, allowing them to essentially get whatever they want, no matter what it costs or how it affects others, does not make you a good parent. And it creates entitled, spoiled adults who have never learned their actions have consequences.
Oh come the fuck on. She needs her parents' signature to sign up for a school trip, for god's sake. Of course it's up to her parents to decide if she's ready to have a baby or not. Hint: she isn't. No matter how mature she is for her age, getting pregnant at barely 15 is not a good or sane choice.
#45, research has shown that the highest level critical thinking-involved parts of our brain, including bits that are involved in evaluating "consequences", are not fully developed in most people until they're in their 20s. This girl *might* be an exception, but the odds are pretty good she isn't. Encouraging teen pregnancy in the name of "let them make their own decision" when we know their impulse control is weak is not a smart approach. In my opinion.
smart enough to know?... yeah look. i think kids should wait till they graduate highschool in my opinion. or really get a job that helps make enough to take care of the kid and i dont know where your from but to get a decent job in the US you have to at least be 15-16 but its usually minimum wage or so which isnt enough to take care of the child second they should have their own house in which to take care of the child to build character discipline and respect for both parent and child and i could list more... if i wanted to but you get the gist. its messed up for teens to have kids unless 18 or older the legal age of watchin porn mind you. but seriously if you want your little girl or boy to make the wrong decision and think its ok for her or him to do that at their age. thats ok with you well enjoy it cause you will most likely end up doing all the work till they get out of school etc. and honestly kids at the age of 15 really dont have the sense of consequences as someone at the age of say 21when booze is legal... because honestly they havent had enough time to mature 3 years after puberty isnt enough, for boys. boys need at least 5 to 8 years mostly to finish their growth spurt. as for girls they need a good 8 to 10 years. dont let a child mess up their future by thinking they have a firm sense of reality cause they dont and wont. but this all for getting pregnant. if they just wanna have sex at 15 though im completely against that meself, heck i waited till 18 so it not impossible, but seriously if they think they wanna have sex just make sure they practice safe sex condoms and stuff cause seriously a kid will say they are but we have all been kids before and believe me when i say we all know we are never ready for important decisions like these. granted this from a 22 year old who still lives with his mom so dont take my word for it. i could care less what everybody else thinks. i just like to let some people know i think their ideals are way off base and that im a smartass who likes to voice his opinions from time to time. lol
My sister had her boys 11 days before she was to turn 16. She was a freshman. Fast forward a few years, she's 19 now. The boys are 3, yes boys she had twins. Lexi is one of the best moms I know, she works, she has her own place, she graduated highschool, she's still with her boyfriend, he also graduated, but she struggles some. That's okay tho, she's a great mom. Lexi wanted a kid because she wanted to be a better parent than our parents and she thought if she had the kids young she could do that. having those kids changed my sister, she stopped doing drugs, she focused on school, she's so much more caring and her and I are so much closer NOTE: I AM IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM SAYING THE DAUGHTER SHOULD HET PREGNANT. IM JUST SAYING ITS NOT ALWAYS A BAD THING
Well, from experience (living here), It's England. What do you expect?
Get her a battery operated babies.. Or wake her ever hour for a nappy change.. Cos the girls barelybout of them herself
Yes! I actually know of a teenage girl who intentionally got pregnant and when someone showed her a picture of a messy diaper, she said "I didn't think I'd have to deal with that." Really!? You intentionally got pregnant, yet didn't even stop to think about all of the hard work involved in raising a child? Gimme a break!