Animals: Today, I turned on an old radio I haven't used for a long time...

By sadbuttru95 - 13/06/2015 21:20 - Denmark - Slagelse

Today, I turned on an old radio I haven't used for a long time and a pack of very small spiders came rushing out of the speakers when I turned up the volume. Guess they didn't like the groove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 321

You deserved it 2 563

sadbuttru95 tells us more.

sadbuttru95 13

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Sunday 14 June 2015 14:08

OP here, the radio was, thankfully, in one of our sheds and I have now thrown it far, far away

Animals

Taking stock

Age difference

Telenovela FML

By MakesMeLol - 18/01/2012 22:30 - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 197

You deserved it 6 758

By [email protected] - 03/01/2009 08:38 - France

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 618

You deserved it 8 220

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 23:22 - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 066

You deserved it 5 113

Awkward

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 14:02

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 266

Intense

By AloneAtPerkins - 21/12/2020 23:04

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and it started getting heated. I climbed on top of him and took his shirt off, but I guess my brain had a different idea. I ended up clinging to him for dear life because my brain decided that now was a good time for a seizure. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 93

By TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - 21/11/2014 06:11 - United States - San Diego

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 730

You deserved it 4 096

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 23:38 - Canada

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 383

You deserved it 6 977

Nose job

By pignose - 05/09/2019 02:01

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. The youngest said, "Wow! You have huge nostrils!" She noticed my offended look and pushed her nose up like a pig's, saying, "It’s okay! Now I do too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 210

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 619

You deserved it 234

Just a prank, again

By momaaa1342 - 21/10/2013 03:51 - United States - Elmwood

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 655

You deserved it 3 590

By RyoKioKio - 30/05/2017 20:00

Today, just like every day for the past two weeks, my mother has told me just how much she doesn't want me to move out. I, once again, have had to remind her that she isn't the one I'm trying to get away from. I'm not a fan of being repeatedly smacked with a coffee mug by my 78-year-old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 769

You deserved it 172

By notyourmummy - 12/11/2015 09:09 - United Kingdom - Ryde

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 749

You deserved it 3 304

By 733yoda - 28/06/2019 00:30

Today, the most exciting notification I received was Amazon telling me that my bulk order of toilet paper had been shipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 251

Dine and dash

By talkomatic713 - 18/07/2021 09:58

Today, some friends and I went to IHOP. We joked about not having enough money, and as it turns out we were $5 short. We put down what we had and left. Upon getting to the car, I realized I'd forgotten my phone, and had to go back. I made eye contact with our waitress, our money in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 2 530

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 563

You deserved it 5 964

By Stung - 19/06/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 013

You deserved it 6 703

Vicious and unprovoked

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 05:01

Today, while I was playing football with a friend, my sister wanted to join in. She was messing around with the ball at the start, then suddenly she kicked the ball through my legs, pulled my shorts down and kneed me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 172

By unbelievable - 03/06/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend always says she's been at "Alex's house", she hasn't meant the house of her friend Alexis, but rather the house of the man she has been cheating on me with. She literally told me she was cheating on me and still managed to avoid getting caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 138

You deserved it 1 464

By waymoreiwanted - 15/02/2014 03:21 - United States - Ashland

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 841

You deserved it 9 586

By Noname - 06/03/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 519

You deserved it 6 407

By Shnur - 05/04/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 610

You deserved it 20 764

By Drunkard - 08/02/2017 00:54 - United States - Tracy

Today, my boyfriend gave me grief about my drinking. This would be fine, if he were sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 061

You deserved it 781

By BerzerkelyBongBabe - 23/08/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, after 18 years of struggling to provide my daughter with the finest educational opportunities I could afford, I dropped her off to start school at the best public university in the U.S. So far the only thing she's learned is what weed smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 250

You deserved it 6 241

By HatedGrandson - 07/01/2013 00:50 - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 579

You deserved it 2 148

By Reek - 22/06/2016 14:29 - United States

Today, I told my friend I'm going vegetarian. He's now calling me "Reek" after the guy from Game of Thrones, because I'm apparently a "dickless loser" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 257

You deserved it 5 210

Walked into that one

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 09:01

Today, I stopped by McDonald's with my brother. I asked him what he wanted and I repeated his order. The lady said, "We don't have that here." I stupidly answered, "That's weird. We have it where I come from," and she replied, "Where did you come from honey, 1995?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 520

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 760

You deserved it 4 172

By Anonymous - 04/04/2019 00:00

Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 168

By invasive species - 07/11/2016 15:08

Today, my step-mom tried to ground me. I met her just yesterday, when she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 644

You deserved it 734

By TMI - 05/08/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 558

You deserved it 6 364

By BroadwayBaby1997 - 17/09/2016 15:26 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 349

You deserved it 2 557

By hahahawoww - 31/01/2010 00:32 - United States

Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 407

You deserved it 4 442

By cheese123 - 03/01/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 226

You deserved it 3 209

Understanding

By nothanks - 22/08/2010 13:42 - United States

Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 675

You deserved it 5 815

By anonymous - 03/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 264

You deserved it 3 373

On Target, almost

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 06:00

Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 166

By ouch - 03/03/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 812

You deserved it 70 017

By Dana - 29/01/2010 18:59 - United States

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 038

You deserved it 3 188

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 11:37 - United States

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 687

You deserved it 13 751

By boss_daughter - 20/05/2015 12:03 - United States

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 526

You deserved it 14 183

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Top comments

shaar_fml 33

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Sunday 14 June 2015 11:39

Burn your house down and leave the state.

PandaSmile 24

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Sunday 14 June 2015 11:38

That's what nightmares are made of

Cads1 24

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Sunday 14 June 2015 11:38

How could you predict that was going to happen!

Atomic_Mushroom 14

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Sunday 14 June 2015 11:38

A cluster of spiders.

PandaSmile 24

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Sunday 14 June 2015 11:38

That's what nightmares are made of

C_Celine_101 19

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Sunday 14 June 2015 11:38

Kill them...if that were me I wouldn't even use that radio again (but that's just me I'm a pussy like that). But seriously how long has it been since you used it that spiders have come out?