Intimacy: Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish...

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 983

You deserved it 64 692

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Keep fit!

By anonymous - 13/04/2020 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 1 643

By Jack Shart Jr. - 08/07/2015 15:16 - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 055

You deserved it 18 029

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 335

Fresh and not Fit

By Anonymous - 14/06/2011 01:08 - United States

Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 815

You deserved it 54 625

Take it easy

By Endrit Begolli - 27/06/2023 00:02 - Albania

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was so out of shape that I couldn't even finish my warm-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 210

Wanking to death

By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 00:17 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 736

You deserved it 12 416

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 182

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 626

You deserved it 31 322

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 283

By Out of Shape - 16/08/2011 22:09 - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 924

You deserved it 35 567

DJR_fml 2

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:22

did you know 5 out of 5 guys. **********.. :O

Raddaya 3

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:26

Sir, this is the funniest FML I have ever seen. Thank you for making my day. As a reward, I bless you that you will succesfully **********.

Comments

thrAsHeRr9081 16

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:32

Do you have a bad case of Dicky-Do disease? :(

ItsaMeLuigi 6

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:38

You mean Dicky-don't disease?

grumpypanda117 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:51

^^^WINNNN

IrishSoulja 4

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:36

Wow OP why the hell did you say that on here? Nobody will have sympathy for you, you just complainen about something thats your fault! YDI fatass

howslife123 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:38

so? big whoop ur fat. no sympathy for you there. I don't know eat a SALAD perhaps? go for a WALK?

howslife123 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:38

so? big whoop ur fat. no sympathy for you there. I don't know eat a SALAD perhaps? go for a WALK?

Keirakun 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:42

how the hell is this possible?

mcintosh123 15

Monday 14 February 2011 2:41

You have no idea how much effort it takes to ********** ... well for fat people like OP

Abfootball 1

Thursday 11 October 2012 4:31

Giving a helping hand wouldn't be to bad

perdix 29

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:43

Use a wheelbarrow to hold up your enormous gut while you stroke it.

QueenOfBoredom 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 20:17

haha thanks for the mental image i'm cracking up

cameront777 0

Monday 14 February 2011 21:52

I love u

hallieberry 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:45

wow. i thinnk thats FML you youu dude! so what is it? the size of a peanut? and yaya. agreed with guy above=).

ArmedcrackerR6 8

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:49

You are pathetic.

ash14 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:05

Wow...sounds like the cupcakes are probably turning you on in the first place, tubby ;)

siddyslackah 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:07

ah ************ , a cardio and a arm workout, that cums with pleasure. pun intended

Keywords

Annoying Gamers Video games Birthday Money Cute Kids Weird Awkward Love Health Abuse Relatable Social Media Scams Education Parents School Anger issues Teenagers Family Relationship advice Capitalism Miscellaneous Public freakouts Grieving Mental health Music Geek Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 380

You deserved it 4 153

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 684

You deserved it 7 123

The Top

Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 829

You deserved it 2 623

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 324

You deserved it 5 257

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 581

You deserved it 3 905

Today, I was driving home from another long night shift at work. I live from paycheck to paycheck thanks to the current economy and can barely afford rent. To keep myself positive, I thought, "At least my car is paid off." A deer ran out in front of me and totaled my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 113

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 337

You deserved it 3 456

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 428

You deserved it 41 280

Same thing different taste

Keep fit!

Out of shape

Fresh and not Fit

Take it easy

Wanking to death

Health is overrated

Getting on

Top comments

Comments