Intimacy: Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish... - FML

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 983

You deserved it 64 692

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

Keep fit!

By anonymous - 13/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 1 643

By Jack Shart Jr. - 08/07/2015 15:16 - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 055

You deserved it 18 029

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 335

Fresh and not Fit

By Anonymous - 14/06/2011 01:08 - United States

Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 815

You deserved it 54 625

Take it easy

By Endrit Begolli - 27/06/2023 00:02 - Albania

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was so out of shape that I couldn't even finish my warm-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 210

Wanking to death

By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 00:17 - United States - Alpharetta

Spicy

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 736

You deserved it 12 416

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 182

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 626

You deserved it 31 322

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 283

By Out of Shape - 16/08/2011 22:09 - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 924

You deserved it 35 567

Next

Top comments

DJR_fml 2

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:22

did you know 5 out of 5 guys. **********.. :O

Raddaya 3

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:26

Sir, this is the funniest FML I have ever seen. Thank you for making my day. As a reward, I bless you that you will succesfully **********.

Comments

mrssheldoncooper 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 18:47

How did you find your penis?

evilcartman 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 18:56

stick to world of warcraft fatman

kickass1142 7

Sunday 13 February 2011 18:57

hahahahaha! ydi for being fat and not realizing it! but this has got to be one of the funniest fmls I've read

haleymay177 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 18:59

do you not realize being out of shape does not mean you're fat. gosh. I'm skinny as a twig and way outta shape.

laneylovesu2 3

Sunday 13 February 2011 19:41

Masturbation counts as exercise, right? ...keep up the good work! xD

voirontship 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 1:22

+1

dnljcbsn 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 19:43

u ******* pathetic looser

MacItUp 8

Thursday 15 May 2014 22:40

Ya be more like that guy ^ with his sweet profile pic? Question mark intended

blahblahblah5_x 13

Sunday 13 February 2011 20:12

LOL at your life.

QueenOfBoredom 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 20:20

says the person with justin bieber as their profile picture

guppy40000 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 20:24

skinny people can be out of shape too, just like skinny people can have heart attacks as well. Plenty of different ways of measuring whether a person is in shape or not and being fat or skinny doesnt matter. What a weight obsessed cutlure we live in.

jwells4 0

Monday 14 February 2011 4:07

if you're fat than yea you are out of shape. if you're out of shape you may not be fat.

marcranger 28

Sunday 13 February 2011 21:59

ydi, fattie. no wonder you need to **********.

TheNewGuy03 28

Sunday 13 February 2011 22:02

why are you spanking your monkey with the speed of a woodpecker? |the kid|

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The Top

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 871

You deserved it 43 967

It's great to see you ! How was july ? Hot, sweaty, flirty ? How I miseed talking to you (and getting one or two comments if we're lucky enough). But let's not complain, a whole month welcoming artists for their second rounds who gave us brand new il...

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 8

The Top

No thanks.

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 96

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 323

You deserved it 6 061

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a Post-it note on my locker that said, "Consider yourself dumped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 815

You deserved it 4 673

Today, I got asked out for the second time in my life. Since my first date didn't go so well I thought I might have better luck with a different guy. I had to end the date when he confessed it was his destiny to kill his father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 969

You deserved it 2 798

Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 521

You deserved it 4 720

Today, and for the past year, I've been struggling with depression because of family life. I've been talking to my mom for the past weeks, telling her things that happen when she isn't home as a way to build trust. I finally told her I have depression and have had had it for a long time. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 71